(no subject)
I used to always want a dad. You know, like the movie kind. Or at least some kind of loving father. But I think I've grown out of that. But still, the pain comes and goes sometimes you know. Or more jealousy. Like I'll see a really cool dad with his kid and think, man I should of chosen a different pussy. HAHA! Some laughter for you. But seriously. Could you imagine, a dad? I dunno I can't. But anyways well ok, so you know how you turn 18 and your mom lets you go, and your all ready to go. Well I'm ready to go, but I have to start depending on myself you know. My mom loves me, but she doesn't want me. Or want to be around me. And not just me but Anthony and Amanda to. Like she's barely here, and when she is, she's all bitchy. She picked me up from work tonight, first time I've seen here in like 5 days. No lie. And I talked to her, and I could tell she really didn't want to listen. I dunno it just gets me. I had a point, I forget.. Oh ya! Well my moms already let me go, I just have to grow up and let her go, and I'm kinda doing it, slowly. It's weird. I can't even put into words how scared to death I am of depending on myself, being by myself. And I know I have friends, and I love you all, but this is a different by yourself. This is growing up maybe? I'm really, really, really scared to let go you know. But I have to, and I dunno, maybe it won't be that bad, being alone. Like, Me. I want to protect Amanda. You know, be able to buy her stuff, and show her I care. But she knows. And i think she's getting it. And I feel like were becoming closer as friends. Like a friend you talk to every once in awhile but you know is always there. And god that makes me the happiest person ever.