Long time coming...
I am a little scared and very confused. A while back, maybe a few months a go, infact three months ago to the day. Anyway, I've known him since freshman year in high school but we never got a chance to really get connected in any way more serious than a friendship but still somehow I always felt he had something very special about him. He eventually moved to California to join the military and a lot of life events have happened since then. And they have happened for me as well. We re-connected three months ago via internet and the phone and at first of course I thought I was simply catching up with an old friend. I mean, I knew he always understood me and he still did when we spoke again but I didn't really think much of it. He's always urged me to open up and allow some trust between us. I, of course, wanted no part of that as I've always kept people (men) at arm's length. (Particularly after the whole Allen phase of my life)
Well, long story short, he truly warmed the ice fortress I had surrounding me and as it turns out, I have VERY strong feelings for this wonderful man who lives on the other side of the country. Just my luck.
Th reason why I'm so tangled in emotions here is what do I do? We've discussed our relationship and what we want/expect from this and one another. Bascially, we know it will be hard and things will be forced to remain informal for a long time but we're both willing to try if after we really meet up again, the passion is as on as it seems. Great, right? I'd like to think so but I'm so damned insecure that when I go a few days without talking to him I wonder if I could really handle that. I know I'm needy and require a certain amount of constant reassurance from my partners. But I feel that this is really worth some thought and effort.
However, do I feel this way because I am once again falling for an ideal? Do I feel this way because a truly long-distance relationship would free me of some of the demands a true relationship requires? (Not that what we have is not a true relationship but you get my meaning, I'm sure.) And can I let myself go enough to put so much trust in someone thousands of miles away and can I trust myself enough not to completely fuck it up by creating untrue instances of infidelity to mask my own isecurities?
He'll be in Michigan soon. My heart can barely wait.
Well, long story short, he truly warmed the ice fortress I had surrounding me and as it turns out, I have VERY strong feelings for this wonderful man who lives on the other side of the country. Just my luck.
Th reason why I'm so tangled in emotions here is what do I do? We've discussed our relationship and what we want/expect from this and one another. Bascially, we know it will be hard and things will be forced to remain informal for a long time but we're both willing to try if after we really meet up again, the passion is as on as it seems. Great, right? I'd like to think so but I'm so damned insecure that when I go a few days without talking to him I wonder if I could really handle that. I know I'm needy and require a certain amount of constant reassurance from my partners. But I feel that this is really worth some thought and effort.
However, do I feel this way because I am once again falling for an ideal? Do I feel this way because a truly long-distance relationship would free me of some of the demands a true relationship requires? (Not that what we have is not a true relationship but you get my meaning, I'm sure.) And can I let myself go enough to put so much trust in someone thousands of miles away and can I trust myself enough not to completely fuck it up by creating untrue instances of infidelity to mask my own isecurities?
He'll be in Michigan soon. My heart can barely wait.