I guess I should update...
Wow.Long time no update...within good reason though....I didn't abandon teh internet intentionally...Everything has been so crazy so I've hardly had any spare time or if I have I've felt too weak or down to come online.This is really hard to admit and to put into words but I'm in dire need of a place to let it all out and vent.A few people already knew I have an eating problem or major issues with food so I've finally admitted I need help and am seing a eating disorder therapist//specialist and nutritionist,basically what they have to offer.The breaking point came last Saturday afternoon.Nearly 4 days without food and only a glass of water left me feeling weak and pactically unable to move.I thought my body could handle it since I'm used to restricting to almost nothing for days.My mum called the doctor out and I had to have a blood and urine test and a full physical check-up.They said I was dehydrated from lack of fluids.I weighed in at around 5 stone 8 or just over I think.The last time I checked I was 6 stone 1.The docotors and my family discussed if staying overnight at hospital on a drip was needed.I was reluctant.I've realised that this is not worth it.If I carry on like this I could affect my long term health and in the worst case even die.Is it all worth it?That's what everyone asks me...I'm sickof hearing it..but the thing is they are right.I guess the first step in recovering or improving is realising their is a problem and not being in denial.I know I have a long way to go pr I might always struggle and my mind-set can't just change overnight(boy,I wish it could...)but I'm trying to think as positive as I can.The thing I'm most scared of is losing control and weight gain...I'm practically under 24 hour watch because my mum has been advised to stop me exercising or doing any activity....and to drink supplement drinks beecause my body has went so long without the right nutrition...I'm sh!t scared...not just of the guilt feeling to do with eating and even drinking...but of everything in general.It's so hard to put into words right now what everything is like or what is going on in my mind right now but I hope everyone else is good and I miss you all.Take care <3.