Everything is changing and i don't feel right
Well, Karl (the dick) totally stood me up....that might be a bit harsh, but I'm not in a very generous feeling mood towards that man at the moment! So we had agreed to do something later in the week. On wednesday i got asked to do something with some friends on Thursday, so i messaged Karl to see when he wanted to catch up, so i didn't double book....lets just say i still haven't gotten a message back. Why would you agree to do something with someone....even go so far as to say it would be nice, if you never meants it.If you never wanted to?? On the plus side, it has made me realise that I'm not even worth an sms. It totally blows out of the water anything he has ever said to me about how he feels....after all, actions speak louder than words. If he actually gave two shits about me, he wouldn't hurt me so much. He asked me to wait for him, but i realised that night, after waiting and waiting for a reply, that he has never once given me a reason to wait. To put my life on hold. But he has given me hundreds of reasons why not to. And this lack of careing was just one more. The icing on the cake, and the tears that wednesday caused, are going to be the last i shed for him.
Friday night we all went to Jimmys. I'm not staying away from the things my friends are doing, just because he might be there. He just acted as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn't done anything (which he hadn't but that is the point, not being worth the 20C for an sms is pretty bad for the self esteem). At that point, i truly hated him...which is bad. The opposite to love isn't hate, it's indifference. Hate, just like love, requires passion, and i don't want to care about him that much, so i am working on indifference.
I wish i could say i was over it, i thought i was doing better, and that i wouldn't care about seeing him, but i was kidding myself. But i am getting better, and i am moving on with my life, and doing new things and meeting new people.
Thursday night Jase, Troy and I and whoever else wants to come are all going to the movies to see Lady in the water. I'm really looking forward to it, which helps me get through the week.
Saturday night is Laura's 21st, which i am actually really looking forward to. Psycho Sarah isn't going, and i don't think Karl is invited either, so it should be a good stress free night, with lots of good people, and fun.
So yeah, the week is looking up, and although i am very tired and looking forward to just bumming tonight, i think I'll have to do something, coz Kirill and Dan are both working nights, and i don't like being in that house alone. It was mine and Karls home, and it is hard living with those ghosts. He got to move on, and i didn't. But we are looking for a new place now, and it will all be better in just a few short weeks.
Anyway, Better god, and get some work done.
Mwah
Friday night we all went to Jimmys. I'm not staying away from the things my friends are doing, just because he might be there. He just acted as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn't done anything (which he hadn't but that is the point, not being worth the 20C for an sms is pretty bad for the self esteem). At that point, i truly hated him...which is bad. The opposite to love isn't hate, it's indifference. Hate, just like love, requires passion, and i don't want to care about him that much, so i am working on indifference.
I wish i could say i was over it, i thought i was doing better, and that i wouldn't care about seeing him, but i was kidding myself. But i am getting better, and i am moving on with my life, and doing new things and meeting new people.
Thursday night Jase, Troy and I and whoever else wants to come are all going to the movies to see Lady in the water. I'm really looking forward to it, which helps me get through the week.
Saturday night is Laura's 21st, which i am actually really looking forward to. Psycho Sarah isn't going, and i don't think Karl is invited either, so it should be a good stress free night, with lots of good people, and fun.
So yeah, the week is looking up, and although i am very tired and looking forward to just bumming tonight, i think I'll have to do something, coz Kirill and Dan are both working nights, and i don't like being in that house alone. It was mine and Karls home, and it is hard living with those ghosts. He got to move on, and i didn't. But we are looking for a new place now, and it will all be better in just a few short weeks.
Anyway, Better god, and get some work done.
Mwah