My life right now
So life has been interesting for a while. It hard to understand the direction my life is going and lord knows I think about it enough. That is the problem with being someone that is a thinker…it is hard to shut it off at the easiest of times.
Here is what is going on.
I have now been looking for a job for almost 4 months. Now, I know I am not the only one going through this right now. Hell, I know of at least seven people that have been unemployed at some point in the last year. You never think it is going to happen to you. Still, I am looking and the strain of it is starting to take its toll a bit on me. Not to mention trying to be able to live in NYC on a limited budget. That isn’t easy even when you are working. I am a positive person at this point in my life. I know things will get better and that I will find a job. But the strain of this is starting to show. I am a bit short with people lately. I am feeling tired most of the time. Which means I haven’t ran in 3 weeks. Which is no excuse, but it is a factor. I know it will get better and I am in survival mode at this point.
Jenn and I broke up. This sounds like a broken record in my own head. We were together for eight and half months and now I get to be single again. Yay, at age 39. Somehow, that is not what I had planned. I do know this, my job situation (and hers too) had a good part in what happened between us. The pull of trying to deal with us, ate at our relationship (at least that is what I think). There were other things as well, and the end result was that it just could not work. I don’t deny that I miss her. A LOT. She is an amazing woman and I truly wish things could have been different. We are going to try to be friends, which is something I am not very good at…but we have already talked about this and there is no bad feelings between us. I hope she can find someone that truly makes her happy, because she deserves better than me. I even had an ex of mine tell me that maybe I want to be single….and that my standards may be too high. I don’t agree with her, but I get where she was coming from.
I have discovered the library. I have always avoided them cuz I forget to take books back and then have to pay for books that I borrow. But it is two blocks away and with my limited income right now, it is a great thing. It also allows me to step out of my box in regards to what I read. I am much more open-minded about what I read when I am not paying for it. So, I tend to read a lot more fiction than I normally do. It has been very cool so far.
We are finally gonna the Dresden Files RPG game going this weekend. This has taken FOREVER just to find a date everyone had free. But I am going to hang out with Christin, Dawn, and Henry this weekend to get it started. Katey is out of town and cannot make it, but we will deal with that later. I am just glad to get to game again, and am glad I get to hang out with people that are truly that cool.
So, here I sit. Age 39, unemployed, and single. I am trying to not let all of this get me down. For the most part, it is working, but I am also really struggling with all of this. I don’t life overwhelm me often, but the last few months have been really tough. Even with the breakup, I don’t know how I would have handled getting through all of this without Jenn. I hope she knows that and also knows how much I appreciate everything she did for me.
I do have faith that things are going to get better; I just wish it were happening a bit quicker. I know I am good person and that good things happen to good people. I believe in that and know my life will get better soon.