Love is so damn hard sometimes...
So my ex-girlfriend Natalie is moving out today. I have no idea as to how I am supposed to feel about this. So many emotions are fighting for control right now. Sadness. Guilt. Relief. Uncertainty. Just to name a few. I feel like I did the right thing by ending something that was not gong where I eventually wanted it too. Love is hard sometimes. Even when you feel like you are doing the right thing it can still be hard. I remember clearly the night when I broke up with her and listening to her cry for what felt like hours on end. I know I can be a sarcastic person from time to time, and come across like I don't care. But I never really want to hurt anyone, especially someone as amazing as she is.
But life isn't like that. We become invested very quickly in everything and rush into things. Maybe we moved in with each other too quickly. Now we both had circumstances beyond our control (really crazy ex-roommates), but the idea kept becoming things would change. I know she is angry with me right now and I do not blame her for that. We have all been hurt at some point and each of us deal with it in our own ways. I can only say how amazing she was to not ever make things worse the last month we lived together than it could have been.
When I look back on this I will take some things out of it. She did make me a better person and helped me realize I do not always have to control every aspect of EVERYTHING. But mostly how to deal with it when I do not have control. Yes, it is still an issue, but I know I am able to handle it better now than before and I owe part of that to her. I hope she can look back on this (eventually) and take some good from it.
So here I sit. 38 years and having to start dating again. It is a bit depressing to think about and I cannot even imagine how it will be. For now I am content with who and where I am, and will take things as they come.
But life isn't like that. We become invested very quickly in everything and rush into things. Maybe we moved in with each other too quickly. Now we both had circumstances beyond our control (really crazy ex-roommates), but the idea kept becoming things would change. I know she is angry with me right now and I do not blame her for that. We have all been hurt at some point and each of us deal with it in our own ways. I can only say how amazing she was to not ever make things worse the last month we lived together than it could have been.
When I look back on this I will take some things out of it. She did make me a better person and helped me realize I do not always have to control every aspect of EVERYTHING. But mostly how to deal with it when I do not have control. Yes, it is still an issue, but I know I am able to handle it better now than before and I owe part of that to her. I hope she can look back on this (eventually) and take some good from it.
So here I sit. 38 years and having to start dating again. It is a bit depressing to think about and I cannot even imagine how it will be. For now I am content with who and where I am, and will take things as they come.