much love
So I did the one thing that could make things worse …I went shopping for a bathing suit. Yeah …First of all I want to know what ASSHOLE thought up the idea for a bathing suit to begin with. It had to be a man. There is no way around it. No woman in her right mind would EVER think about putting on a piece of clinging material that shows off even the imperfections of a top 10 model/actress/singer (who is a size 0) and making it for women of all shapes and sizes. It had to be a man, a sick, cruel, mean, perverted man who enjoys making women feel bad about themselves. There is no other option, not in my mind anyway. (Just as I believe the invention of the Speedo has been another blight on humanity but that is a rant for another day)
Then there is work. Which I feel like I am dropping the ball on. I don’t know why. But all of a sudden it seems like I am fucking up left and right with my national accounts. I am waiting for the reprimand or the demotion or something. I am waiting for them to tell me that they appreciate all my hard work but they have decided to bring in someone with a bit more EDI experience who isn’t an idiot to do your job. They will be getting to travel, a laptop and commissions on all the EDI orders. Thanks for helping us out until we could get something better going. Have a nice life. Peace out!
Yeah I feel it. The positive out look is fading fast my friends. That sucks. I was doing okay for a while. I had come to accept myself and all my flaws. I had come to understand that having a family is not for everyone and that I can’t keep holding on to dreams that will never come. I can’t keep comparing my family to others. I don’t have the type of parents that will co-sign loans or stand beside me or even go to the movies with me. I have parents that LOVE to tear me down and tell me I am too fat (which let’s face it…nobody had to tell me), I am too lazy, I am too loud, my hair is wrong, my clothes are wrong, my teeth are wrong, my hands are ugly, my job is a dead end, my life is a joke, yeah that is about it. I think anyway, it seems like I left something out, they most likely hate that about me too.
I remember how happy I was a few months ago. Isn’t it amazing how your parents can strip away any and all confidence and pride that you manage to create for yourself in just a few days? Between my father now and the knowledge that my mother is coming (and let’s face it kids…she HATES me more than he does) I will probably be ready for that Looney bin that Michelle and John were talking about by the end of the month. Which means at least I will have something to look forward to.
Then there is work. Which I feel like I am dropping the ball on. I don’t know why. But all of a sudden it seems like I am fucking up left and right with my national accounts. I am waiting for the reprimand or the demotion or something. I am waiting for them to tell me that they appreciate all my hard work but they have decided to bring in someone with a bit more EDI experience who isn’t an idiot to do your job. They will be getting to travel, a laptop and commissions on all the EDI orders. Thanks for helping us out until we could get something better going. Have a nice life. Peace out!
Yeah I feel it. The positive out look is fading fast my friends. That sucks. I was doing okay for a while. I had come to accept myself and all my flaws. I had come to understand that having a family is not for everyone and that I can’t keep holding on to dreams that will never come. I can’t keep comparing my family to others. I don’t have the type of parents that will co-sign loans or stand beside me or even go to the movies with me. I have parents that LOVE to tear me down and tell me I am too fat (which let’s face it…nobody had to tell me), I am too lazy, I am too loud, my hair is wrong, my clothes are wrong, my teeth are wrong, my hands are ugly, my job is a dead end, my life is a joke, yeah that is about it. I think anyway, it seems like I left something out, they most likely hate that about me too.
I remember how happy I was a few months ago. Isn’t it amazing how your parents can strip away any and all confidence and pride that you manage to create for yourself in just a few days? Between my father now and the knowledge that my mother is coming (and let’s face it kids…she HATES me more than he does) I will probably be ready for that Looney bin that Michelle and John were talking about by the end of the month. Which means at least I will have something to look forward to.