(no subject)
Umm.. yeah Last Friday... I'm out ya know and Mike and Dean are there with 3 girls. One of these girls is Mike's ex and she is desperately trying to get back with her but his excuse is that he likes her but can never get back with her because he doesn't trust her. Anyways, Dean and Mike knew we were probably gonna be at this new club but they had plans with these other hoes. Jess texted Dean and asked him if he wanted to go to the Matrix with us but they picked these other girls over us.. well Mike did.. and dean just probably went along with it. My bro was down this new club so it sorta gave me an excuse to go down, so we did. It is staying in my mind that Mike picked his Ex that he says he can't be back with over me, someone he likes? Yeah.. whatever. Anyways....as soon as Mike sees us he comes over and talks to me and right away I tensed tension. I didn't know he was with girls but I shortly found out when I look over and see this bitch STARING AT ME HARDCORE. So I'm like to Mike" Why is this girl staring at me.?" and he explained to me that he met up with her here and it's his EX and she wants him back.. bleh bleh. So later on Mike tells me that her name is Jeananne and she said the same thing to Mike.. " why is that girl staring at me.?" (meaning me). Whatever.. I wasn't. The whole night mike talks to me though and this girl is like "Dance with me, dance with me." And then she yelled at him for talking to me more than her. What an ugly bitch. The thing is that he barely danced with her because he didn't want to make me mad and he talked to me like the whole night.. but I KNOW I KNOW if i wasn't there, he'd be all over this girl. like i know it. but he choose to hang out with this other girl over me??? I'm confused. What does that mean?! Yeah.. so anyways.. me and Mike got into a little fight and we talked it all out in his car after we left the club. I explained to him that I in love with Mike and it's very hard for me to just drop him and go out with him. And he's like "I've known for you 6 months, it doesnt take that long." I told him that mike and I were together when I met him and that it wasn't til like 3 months ago Mike and I took a break from out relationship.. but i ALWAYS see him at work and stuff so it's like bleh and then I'm thinking " why did we take a break"? Don't ever get involved with someone u work with . It's hell. You got all these people up ur business and you don't think it could get to you, but it does. Sorta like why celebrity's break up.. bc they have the whole world in their busniess and it does put a damper on the relationship in a way i've never understood before but know i do. anyways.. I told mike b it wasnt fair that he has to wait for me to be ready and bleh bleh... we just talked about stuff and he REALLY likes me.. it's really hard.. he tells me how beautiful I am and such. I really need to talk to him again because I have sorta of a plan. First, I'm going to apologize for being "jealous" that he was with another girl and that just because I am going to be somewhere doesn't mean he can't bring a girl.. I mean it's not fair to him. I might be a little upset, but that's my problem. His life shouldn't be on hold because of me. Then I'm going to tell him again that it's not fair that he has to wait for me to be ready to be with him, if I WILL EVER GET READY.. that's the key. I'm not going to straight out tell him that he's not the one I am picking. I'm going to ease into it and slowly give him hints that I'm too much in love not to be with my mike. The reason I am going to stay with Mike is just because of who he is. he is wonderful. I am in a fairytale. I really am. He is everything to me. He will die for me. I just have an infacuation with Mike B bc I have't been used to attention AT ALL.. and it's just a normal feeling that most female don't act on, and I sorta did. Also... he fills spots that my mike doesn't.. like going out and stuff... my mike is an old man. lol--- Believe me, I re-searched it on all these advice columns lololol. Of course.. I think about making the right desicion and I'll always regret not going out Mike B.. my life could be different.. maybe as good as I have it.. maybe it can be better with mike B? I'll never know. Yeah, it hurts. ALOT. But no matter what I choose, I'm going to regret something. I guess that's what life is all about. :-/ It really sucks. Mike B is a great guy but I can't see him measuring up to Mike.. but again I'll never truely know. There's something missing in Mike and I's relationship.. like when he looks at me he gets lost in my eyes.. when I look at him, I don't feel that way? Like I love him, I know I do. When we went on a break.. It' was killer not seeing him for 5 days. I cried, I wanted to see him so bad.. I missed him. I've never been in a relationship before so I dunno what it means. My mom says everyone takes love in different ways. Some couples are real lovely dovey and some are just .. just.. just.. in love and like I dunno lol. When I look at Mike B.. I feel a more intense feeling? That's why I am confused? I mean I've made my mind up.. but the felling I get from him confuses me. Like why?!?!!?!?!! So.. I know... If I get this feeeling from him,.. why don't I go for it?? Like I said.. I can't live without my mike.. we've tried.. I CANT.
Again, I've never had a crush on my Mike.. people sorta made us go out and then I slowly started liking him but by that time, I was very comfortable with him that i didn't feel nervous and all that other shit u feel when you have a crush...
with mike B I get all the symptoms of a crush.. feeling I never felt towards mike...
am i making sense?
ANWYAYS.. I do choose Mike. I really hope I am making the right desicion, but I following my heart. :) I'm dreading seeing Mike B.. but I still want to be his freind. He is a great person and has great potential to be a great friend. I just hope he still wants to be. I'm afraid he's going to say " It hurts too much to be around you when I can't be with you." Is that childish.. ?? Someone people think so.. and some don't. Like I said I'm not going to just come straight out and say it.. I'm going to sorta hint around.. Like " It's not fair that you feel that you can't being girls around me. Don't wait around for me. I'm a very confused person and it's a very diffucult time in my life. I need time out for myself right now. Also, Mike is trying to get back with me 100% .. he bought me a monkey and a cute card and always calls me just to say he loves me (which is true)...."
I think that will be a good starter.. and it sorta a hint?! Is that good?!
i didnt re-read this for punctuation and errors.. so forgive me. my hands are cold and it's making my fingers hurt. i think im getting arthritis.. i cant type anymore.
will update later more.
Again, I've never had a crush on my Mike.. people sorta made us go out and then I slowly started liking him but by that time, I was very comfortable with him that i didn't feel nervous and all that other shit u feel when you have a crush...
with mike B I get all the symptoms of a crush.. feeling I never felt towards mike...
am i making sense?
ANWYAYS.. I do choose Mike. I really hope I am making the right desicion, but I following my heart. :) I'm dreading seeing Mike B.. but I still want to be his freind. He is a great person and has great potential to be a great friend. I just hope he still wants to be. I'm afraid he's going to say " It hurts too much to be around you when I can't be with you." Is that childish.. ?? Someone people think so.. and some don't. Like I said I'm not going to just come straight out and say it.. I'm going to sorta hint around.. Like " It's not fair that you feel that you can't being girls around me. Don't wait around for me. I'm a very confused person and it's a very diffucult time in my life. I need time out for myself right now. Also, Mike is trying to get back with me 100% .. he bought me a monkey and a cute card and always calls me just to say he loves me (which is true)...."
I think that will be a good starter.. and it sorta a hint?! Is that good?!
i didnt re-read this for punctuation and errors.. so forgive me. my hands are cold and it's making my fingers hurt. i think im getting arthritis.. i cant type anymore.
will update later more.