(no subject)
not different. Just strange. You probably shouldn't read this if you get squicked or if you don't want to know TMI sorts of things.
I'm on birth control pills, which I've been taking for years and years, but I also take other medicines which can fuck with that. One side effect of the pills is that my period is depressingly regular, showing up every month like a manically cheerful unwelcome guest. Sometimes even a day early. Except this month, when one day passed, and nothing. Then two. And I was paralyzed with fear, didn't want to talk to Mike about this because if it *did* turn out to be something, I've never really talked to him about things like abortion and kids and all that crap, and what if he had a different view than me and he put all this pressure on me to do something I didn't want to do, one way or another. By the morning of the fourth day (I had to spend 3 hours in a sexual harassment seminar, so I had plenty of time to think), I was tunnel-visioning, hyperventilating when I was by myself. I had a Lifetime: Television For Women moment in the bathroom of a CVS on Apalachee Pkwy, peeing on a stick and pacing around the handicap stall.
It turned out to be negative, and then my period came later that day (and it was like "yeah, bet you'll appreciate me now, bitch"), but at that moment, I sat down on the floor of that bathroom and bawled. The really funny thing was later that night, when I decided to tell Mike about what had been going on. I didn't do it very well though.
Me: You know how I've been kind of weird the last few days?
Him:
Me: You know, sort of...withdrawn?
Him: Um. No?
Me: Fantastic. Way to read a mood, dude. Well. Anyway.
So, this turned out one way, otherwise I'm not sure we'd be talking about it, and I don't know why that is, and I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you blah blah blah, (going on and on for whole paragraphs, for about a minute and a half).
Him: .....(bug eyed, breathing odd)
Me: ...and I've just been so scared and....are you okay?
Him: (has turned the color of unwashed gym socks, breathing heavy)
Me: Do you....do you know what this says? Can you read that?
Him: ....oh god, one line means NOT pregnant?
So we talked and all is well. But that minute and a half must have been pretty terrifying for him. I can't bring myself to feel all wretched about it, because I kind of feel like my days of uncertainty and despair were all condense into a nugget of sheer terror for him to enjoy.
Did you like that, you nosy Parker you?
I'm on birth control pills, which I've been taking for years and years, but I also take other medicines which can fuck with that. One side effect of the pills is that my period is depressingly regular, showing up every month like a manically cheerful unwelcome guest. Sometimes even a day early. Except this month, when one day passed, and nothing. Then two. And I was paralyzed with fear, didn't want to talk to Mike about this because if it *did* turn out to be something, I've never really talked to him about things like abortion and kids and all that crap, and what if he had a different view than me and he put all this pressure on me to do something I didn't want to do, one way or another. By the morning of the fourth day (I had to spend 3 hours in a sexual harassment seminar, so I had plenty of time to think), I was tunnel-visioning, hyperventilating when I was by myself. I had a Lifetime: Television For Women moment in the bathroom of a CVS on Apalachee Pkwy, peeing on a stick and pacing around the handicap stall.
It turned out to be negative, and then my period came later that day (and it was like "yeah, bet you'll appreciate me now, bitch"), but at that moment, I sat down on the floor of that bathroom and bawled. The really funny thing was later that night, when I decided to tell Mike about what had been going on. I didn't do it very well though.
Me: You know how I've been kind of weird the last few days?
Him:
Me: You know, sort of...withdrawn?
Him: Um. No?
Me: Fantastic. Way to read a mood, dude. Well. Anyway.
So, this turned out one way, otherwise I'm not sure we'd be talking about it, and I don't know why that is, and I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you blah blah blah, (going on and on for whole paragraphs, for about a minute and a half).
Him: .....(bug eyed, breathing odd)
Me: ...and I've just been so scared and....are you okay?
Him: (has turned the color of unwashed gym socks, breathing heavy)
Me: Do you....do you know what this says? Can you read that?
Him: ....oh god, one line means NOT pregnant?
So we talked and all is well. But that minute and a half must have been pretty terrifying for him. I can't bring myself to feel all wretched about it, because I kind of feel like my days of uncertainty and despair were all condense into a nugget of sheer terror for him to enjoy.
Did you like that, you nosy Parker you?