[... it would be immeasurably easier to describe what Alois looks like to him. Despite the inherent complexity, Claude could actually quantify everything in appreciable human terms. First, he'd say Alois is not unlike a "living constellation," defined by the seven primary chakras that are located up and down his body. They're starry vortices of color and heat, some more distinct than others, shaped like flowers and unfolded fans. All of them are interconnected via rippling ribbons, forming the astral treasure known as Alois Trancy--he's part wind, jewel, secret, and spirit. Finally, his ribbons weave to and blend into the greater, grander Design, a system more infinite and beautiful (and sinister) than any spider web known to exist. Sadly, many connections go dark where they've been bruised and broken by contract contact with the demon.
Claude's own threads are silver-black, forming immense nets to ensnare Alois' stars. The nets glimmer with the energy he's stopping up and leaching away during every second his master lives. --How do you explain the spiritual equivalent of an embolism?]
Hmm...
[Stalling so he can think, Claude hums and tucks Alois against himself, and then the afghan against both of them. It is warm here, all thanks to Alois, whose body heat inspires inside Claude a certain sort of greediness. If he were allowed to, if it weren't self-destructive, he'd spread out this warm body beneath him and drive it to new record highs in temperature. There might be time for that someday, when he's dealt with the impediments, but for now he holds on to Alois platonically--aside from the slide of fingertips down his spine.
No reason to tremble, Claude thinks. No need to be so afraid. He is not going to fail again. He is not going to die again. He feels like he could take on Sebastian Michaelis right now--or anyone at all, even the Holy Father--for how strong he feels with this human to draw from. By the way, embracing a demon isn't about eternal damnation--it's giving up on hypocrisy; acknowledging your imperfections. Claude knows repentance isn't real, not really, not when you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. He'll act as the throne among lions, or something steadfast to bite on, or the sponge for every possible confession if it'd matter. He feels safe, too, holding Alois. Invulnerable. This is how it should be.]
Not so many colors as you, [he murmurs at last, his fingers creeping lower. He touches the tip of a chakra called Manipura.] And not nearly as bright.
[Manipura is situated on Alois' spine, directly behind his navel. To Claude, it looks like a downward pointing red triangle with a bright yellow circle around it. He teases the numerous black petals on the outside, listening to the ember-crackling of various vritti, or psycho-physical propensities, hidden in each. (Thirst is his favorite for this chakra, followed closely by jealousy. They're both on fire, in ecstasy.)
Shutting his eyes, he can still see how colorful and alive Alois is. His fingertips burn as he dips them deeper into Manipura--into the center of willpower and achievement.]
My light has already gone out.
[Extinguishment happened a long time ago, so he doesn't flinch to say it anymore. After a moment of lingering, his hand moves along and crosses over the lumbar region, searching for the highly risqué Swadhisthana at the tailbone. It contains unconscious desires, especially sexual desires, and can make or break the saints when they're facing temptation. Knowing better, he doesn't try to provoke it too much.]
[That is somehow terrible to hear. Expected, entirely logical considering what Claude is, but it's terrible. It's easy to think, It's not fair. What had Claude even done to have God cast him out? (Is that how it went? Alois doesn't like to think about the distance between him and his servant- that he loves Claude so much yet knows really very little about him.) It must have been awful, whatever it was, to have his lights put out like that. Darkness is a cruel punishment.
The love churning around in his chest is enough to make him dizzy. It's really not fair.]
I'm right here, [he says, and then flushes and thinks it might sound stupid. But- if he is colorful and he is bright, then Claude shouldn't be missing anything at all. He hides himself, or tries to, but speaks again anyway: ] That's not what you look like to me, so that's not what you look like.
[Alois Trancy will be the one to define how exactly Claude's perceived, thank you very much.]
My eyes will find what needs to be done and then your hands will do it. It works like that, doesn't it, Claude? [And now he's squirming, restless against the soft walls of their warm cocoon, restless against how strong and real Claude is. With scrambling hands and a fluttering heart and a suddenly commanding tone, he says,] That's how it is. That's what you are.
[Alois' hands, in this case.
Limbs are rebelling. Alois' arms are over Claude's shoulders; his knees are moving from hips to the bed, and he's pressing all his weight forward. He wants to be able to push Claude over - he wants to be held up on top of the world. He's fierce again. He's refusing his own fright.]
Sebastian Michaelis - his light's going to go out. You can stand on his rotty fucking guts for all I care. You don't need color. [Not when I'm over you. Claude's fingers play him like strings. It's the same as stoking coals. He wonders briefly and very suddenly if he's crying, and hopes he isn't, but doesn't want to lift his fingers to check whether his cheeks are wet again. (They aren't, but his eyelashes are.)]
[I would begin here, Claude thinks. Right here. And right here is right at the basal end of Alois' spinal column in the vicinity of his coccygeal plexus. It's right below where Claude has slid a few of his fingers to explore and exploit the next chakra like spectral, free-flowering fruit. He pushes past the many petals of Manipura to tease bitterest, crimson Muladhara. Right inside is the foundation of Alois Trancy, where physical and psychic longing resides, where Claude would devour the flesh itself from the inside on out. Already soulless, Alois' body would sleep through it, oblivious, unable to feel pain. Blood simply tastes best when it's still moving, you see. And Claude saves the succulent soles and souls for the very last bites.
He's salivating when he says,] That's exactly how it works. [His voice is damp with it. He isn't trying to hide it.
Alois fights back against him with all his squirming--it's something instinctive; contracts reformed do mean meeting sooner ends. Claude really does enjoy the feel of a butterfly struggling, wrapped and trapped in silk. Their cocoon rustles with each movement, as if it might shift or slip off, which Claude knows is possible when Alois is (potentially) strong enough to get away. Claude allows himself to be pushed over, then, and brings Alois along with him, letting them settle with Alois perched above him.
That's enough upheaval for now. His master has done very well this morning--he has been a very good boy. For his rekindled passion, Alois deserves a reward, so Claude finally stops the intangible torment of jewel-secret-spirited nodes. Claude's hands travel back up the pretty nightgown, high enough to touch slender shoulder blades and then shoulders.
A reward. Yes.]
Thank you.
[From shoulders to neck, Claude keeps his touch gentle, even though it's so easy to break a human. He flirts with soft blonde hair until his fingertips curl where it's warmest behind Alois' ears, or the perfect place to hide for smaller forms. Thumbs are stretching and tracing over his master's nearly-a-year-older contours, thoroughly memorized by now, but no shame in checking.]
You are my most generous master, [he murmurs, going from ears to face in earnest to absorb tears before they can fall.] To give me whatever it is that I'm lacking. [The disturbing part is how he's not even lying anymore. He won't dwell on what his Father did to him, though, not now. He's victorious and he knows it; he's at least proud of himself.] I am not sure what I should do in return, for the opportunity to be a part of you. [And to make you a part of me.]
[Right now, it's more difficult to breathe, but that feels nice. Alois doesn't know why the muscles in his lower back pinch when Claude's hands slide up, like they're trying to draw his fingers back, but it makes Alois shiver. Everything about Claude makes his spine want to move, though- his fingers, his eyes. Right now, Alois feels so wanted. He feels like he's dominating desire; like he's been bathed in red wine, ready to be tasted. Something inside of him recoils - it's that human instinct, the need to get away from what will devour him. That makes it more exciting, though. He tells himself he'll never move from this spot, atop Claude, hearing what he's always wanted to. His thighs shift eagerly; his hands search for Claude's clavicle.
Claude's words slip right inside. Alois chews on his own lower lip and nods a little. He is generous, right? He has Claude in himself, right? And Claude wants to serve him, so Alois should go ahead and tell him what to do. It isn't like livestock, says his own need to believe this. It's like asking something from a beehive full of sweets. Alois just wants that honey.]
Look at me.
[His blush seems angry. He can't really help that.]
I want you to look at me, Claude. To see me-
[Because he remembers the time that Claude and him moved against one another, minimal layers in between, Alois with his back against the bed and his hands scrabbling, and he'd fluttered his eyelashes open to look up at Claude's face, to meet eyes for one really warm moment - and he knew right then that Claude didn't see him at all.
He'd pushed Claude away and gone to bed early.]
Would you do that?
[He's trying to crush the other requests that would go along with it.]
Claude's own threads are silver-black, forming immense nets to ensnare Alois' stars. The nets glimmer with the energy he's stopping up and leaching away during every second his master lives. --How do you explain the spiritual equivalent of an embolism?]
Hmm...
[Stalling so he can think, Claude hums and tucks Alois against himself, and then the afghan against both of them. It is warm here, all thanks to Alois, whose body heat inspires inside Claude a certain sort of greediness. If he were allowed to, if it weren't self-destructive, he'd spread out this warm body beneath him and drive it to new record highs in temperature. There might be time for that someday, when he's dealt with the impediments, but for now he holds on to Alois platonically--aside from the slide of fingertips down his spine.
No reason to tremble, Claude thinks. No need to be so afraid. He is not going to fail again. He is not going to die again. He feels like he could take on Sebastian Michaelis right now--or anyone at all, even the Holy Father--for how strong he feels with this human to draw from. By the way, embracing a demon isn't about eternal damnation--it's giving up on hypocrisy; acknowledging your imperfections. Claude knows repentance isn't real, not really, not when you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. He'll act as the throne among lions, or something steadfast to bite on, or the sponge for every possible confession if it'd matter. He feels safe, too, holding Alois. Invulnerable. This is how it should be.]
Not so many colors as you, [he murmurs at last, his fingers creeping lower. He touches the tip of a chakra called Manipura.] And not nearly as bright.
[Manipura is situated on Alois' spine, directly behind his navel. To Claude, it looks like a downward pointing red triangle with a bright yellow circle around it. He teases the numerous black petals on the outside, listening to the ember-crackling of various vritti, or psycho-physical propensities, hidden in each. (Thirst is his favorite for this chakra, followed closely by jealousy. They're both on fire, in ecstasy.)
Shutting his eyes, he can still see how colorful and alive Alois is. His fingertips burn as he dips them deeper into Manipura--into the center of willpower and achievement.]
My light has already gone out.
[Extinguishment happened a long time ago, so he doesn't flinch to say it anymore. After a moment of lingering, his hand moves along and crosses over the lumbar region, searching for the highly risqué Swadhisthana at the tailbone. It contains unconscious desires, especially sexual desires, and can make or break the saints when they're facing temptation. Knowing better, he doesn't try to provoke it too much.]
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The love churning around in his chest is enough to make him dizzy. It's really not fair.]
I'm right here, [he says, and then flushes and thinks it might sound stupid. But- if he is colorful and he is bright, then Claude shouldn't be missing anything at all. He hides himself, or tries to, but speaks again anyway: ] That's not what you look like to me, so that's not what you look like.
[Alois Trancy will be the one to define how exactly Claude's perceived, thank you very much.]
My eyes will find what needs to be done and then your hands will do it. It works like that, doesn't it, Claude? [And now he's squirming, restless against the soft walls of their warm cocoon, restless against how strong and real Claude is. With scrambling hands and a fluttering heart and a suddenly commanding tone, he says,] That's how it is. That's what you are.
[Alois' hands, in this case.
Limbs are rebelling. Alois' arms are over Claude's shoulders; his knees are moving from hips to the bed, and he's pressing all his weight forward. He wants to be able to push Claude over - he wants to be held up on top of the world. He's fierce again. He's refusing his own fright.]
Sebastian Michaelis - his light's going to go out. You can stand on his rotty fucking guts for all I care. You don't need color. [Not when I'm over you. Claude's fingers play him like strings. It's the same as stoking coals. He wonders briefly and very suddenly if he's crying, and hopes he isn't, but doesn't want to lift his fingers to check whether his cheeks are wet again. (They aren't, but his eyelashes are.)]
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He's salivating when he says,] That's exactly how it works. [His voice is damp with it. He isn't trying to hide it.
Alois fights back against him with all his squirming--it's something instinctive; contracts reformed do mean meeting sooner ends. Claude really does enjoy the feel of a butterfly struggling, wrapped and trapped in silk. Their cocoon rustles with each movement, as if it might shift or slip off, which Claude knows is possible when Alois is (potentially) strong enough to get away. Claude allows himself to be pushed over, then, and brings Alois along with him, letting them settle with Alois perched above him.
That's enough upheaval for now. His master has done very well this morning--he has been a very good boy. For his rekindled passion, Alois deserves a reward, so Claude finally stops the intangible torment of jewel-secret-spirited nodes. Claude's hands travel back up the pretty nightgown, high enough to touch slender shoulder blades and then shoulders.
A reward. Yes.]
Thank you.
[From shoulders to neck, Claude keeps his touch gentle, even though it's so easy to break a human. He flirts with soft blonde hair until his fingertips curl where it's warmest behind Alois' ears, or the perfect place to hide for smaller forms. Thumbs are stretching and tracing over his master's nearly-a-year-older contours, thoroughly memorized by now, but no shame in checking.]
You are my most generous master, [he murmurs, going from ears to face in earnest to absorb tears before they can fall.] To give me whatever it is that I'm lacking. [The disturbing part is how he's not even lying anymore. He won't dwell on what his Father did to him, though, not now. He's victorious and he knows it; he's at least proud of himself.] I am not sure what I should do in return, for the opportunity to be a part of you. [And to make you a part of me.]
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Claude's words slip right inside. Alois chews on his own lower lip and nods a little. He is generous, right? He has Claude in himself, right? And Claude wants to serve him, so Alois should go ahead and tell him what to do. It isn't like livestock, says his own need to believe this. It's like asking something from a beehive full of sweets. Alois just wants that honey.]
Look at me.
[His blush seems angry. He can't really help that.]
I want you to look at me, Claude. To see me-
[Because he remembers the time that Claude and him moved against one another, minimal layers in between, Alois with his back against the bed and his hands scrabbling, and he'd fluttered his eyelashes open to look up at Claude's face, to meet eyes for one really warm moment - and he knew right then that Claude didn't see him at all.
He'd pushed Claude away and gone to bed early.]
Would you do that?
[He's trying to crush the other requests that would go along with it.]
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