Happiness...here we go again
I am going to be a little motivational speaker here. And actually, I have thought about going into motivational speaking a time or two. However, I never really had a huge platform to go from. Like in high school, when motivational speakers came to speak at our school, they were either from West LA and were a part of a gang and overcame a shooting and realized how much life they had been wasting, or they were handicapped people that had lost a leg but still could see life as good. I always left those assemblies feeling bad about myself, because if I had a bad lunch, I couldn’t seem to see life as good sometimes. And I guess I have all my legs and I won’t join a gang anytime soon, so I don’t really know how I would do in the whole “motivational scene.” Anyway, I’ll give it a try in the next few paragraphs…
First, let me start with this…I have wondered about happiness. I’ve thought a lot about whether or not it’s situational, based on circumstances or conditions, or some odd number of variables and ideas that create the “perfect” combination when your stars line up and you have a good day. If that’s the case, does that mean that happiness just sort of comes and goes - and we can never achieve “happiness” constantly and indefinitely?
I think there are different sorts of happiness’s in life. For example, there’s the happiness you get from a friends kind words or little gesture. Like when you receive a letter from a friend that lives across the country: it’s a little bit of happiness that sheds into your life. Or when the restaurant has fountain diet coke instead of a coke can, yes…just what you had been looking for all day. That’s nice. It’s eating a great cupcake, or laughing because the guy in the car next to you is picking his nose. Because those sorts of things make me happy. There is another sort of happiness that we experience, like when it really does feel like your stars line-up and you get a job that you want, or have an amazing first date with someone you weren’t too sure about. It’s a fun day with someone amazing, because you laughed about who knows what for far to long, or it’s a sense of accomplishment after you rocked at work on a really intense project and your boss says, “Way to go Staci.” This sort of happiness is a little more of a long-term feeling than the first one I described, but not as long-term as a third kind of happiness. The kind of happiness comes from when something feels right. I can’t really describe it- and I think that’s what makes it the biggest and greatest “kind,” because it isn’t produced from one simple act or experience. This kind of happiness makes me believe that happiness isn’t about a group of “things” happening - that happiness isn’t just situational, but that maybe really it is a state of being that you can live in. It’s when you are where you want to be - and there isn’t anywhere else you would want to be, regardless of everything else going on in life. It could be while you’re climbing a 14er and no matter how much air you are sucking in, and how bad the blisters are, you are simply happy. The people that have decided that happiness can actually be a little more long-term then most relationships that we experience here on earth, or most events that last an evening or a long weekend attain this sort of happiness. It’s believing that happiness is a state that we can exist in, and be in, and stay in - regardless of how bad our day at work may be, or how good (or not so good) those cupcakes are.
For me, achieving that “long term happiness” deal is based on me. It’s not relying on others to make or break me, or count on things and events to help produce happiness in my life - but it’s figuring out what makes me tick, and happy, and living out of those things. Because ultimately, we are the ones that have to do it for ourselves, and as cliché as it sounds, if we aren’t happy with ourselves, then we will never find true happiness anywhere else. We’ll keep looking and we’ll be stuck in happy ups and not so happy downs that will control us everyday. We won’t really be living out of our heart (and what helps create joy for us), but instead we’ll be hardly really living at all.
This is a hard concept for me to get. It’s like the girl in high school that always needs a boyfriend because she thinks she will die without one. Ok - you won’t die. In fact, you’ll be actually very ok and most likely will still have a date to Homecoming. But it’s actually knowing that and breaking away from thinking that it’s solely the guy that can make you happy, because it can’t be the guy. It has to be you, with or without the guy, you know? I’m not saying I get worried about not having a date to homecoming and my happiness is reliant on things and other people - but I think I often overlook my well being and overall happiness, and instead let others tell me if I’m happy or not, or if I should feel good today or not. It’s a pretty shady way to live. I would love to tell someone that I am happy - and even if I can’t explain why - I’d be so confident in my self and therefore live that happiness out…day after day.
I’m not saying that the little things in life shouldn’t bring us joy and make us smile and a little happier every day. I am saying that maybe the little things should be the icing on the cake to an already established, pretty good sense of being. And I’m also not saying you will always be happy and we’ll live happily-ever after. That’s nonsense and I’ve learned, after nearly 22 years of existing, it is not going to be the case. And that’s ok. I’m just saying that being “happy,” like really truly happy and content is something that that we can’t bank on to find from others or “things.” It is a way to live, a mindset, if you will…that is 100% up to us.
First, let me start with this…I have wondered about happiness. I’ve thought a lot about whether or not it’s situational, based on circumstances or conditions, or some odd number of variables and ideas that create the “perfect” combination when your stars line up and you have a good day. If that’s the case, does that mean that happiness just sort of comes and goes - and we can never achieve “happiness” constantly and indefinitely?
I think there are different sorts of happiness’s in life. For example, there’s the happiness you get from a friends kind words or little gesture. Like when you receive a letter from a friend that lives across the country: it’s a little bit of happiness that sheds into your life. Or when the restaurant has fountain diet coke instead of a coke can, yes…just what you had been looking for all day. That’s nice. It’s eating a great cupcake, or laughing because the guy in the car next to you is picking his nose. Because those sorts of things make me happy. There is another sort of happiness that we experience, like when it really does feel like your stars line-up and you get a job that you want, or have an amazing first date with someone you weren’t too sure about. It’s a fun day with someone amazing, because you laughed about who knows what for far to long, or it’s a sense of accomplishment after you rocked at work on a really intense project and your boss says, “Way to go Staci.” This sort of happiness is a little more of a long-term feeling than the first one I described, but not as long-term as a third kind of happiness. The kind of happiness comes from when something feels right. I can’t really describe it- and I think that’s what makes it the biggest and greatest “kind,” because it isn’t produced from one simple act or experience. This kind of happiness makes me believe that happiness isn’t about a group of “things” happening - that happiness isn’t just situational, but that maybe really it is a state of being that you can live in. It’s when you are where you want to be - and there isn’t anywhere else you would want to be, regardless of everything else going on in life. It could be while you’re climbing a 14er and no matter how much air you are sucking in, and how bad the blisters are, you are simply happy. The people that have decided that happiness can actually be a little more long-term then most relationships that we experience here on earth, or most events that last an evening or a long weekend attain this sort of happiness. It’s believing that happiness is a state that we can exist in, and be in, and stay in - regardless of how bad our day at work may be, or how good (or not so good) those cupcakes are.
For me, achieving that “long term happiness” deal is based on me. It’s not relying on others to make or break me, or count on things and events to help produce happiness in my life - but it’s figuring out what makes me tick, and happy, and living out of those things. Because ultimately, we are the ones that have to do it for ourselves, and as cliché as it sounds, if we aren’t happy with ourselves, then we will never find true happiness anywhere else. We’ll keep looking and we’ll be stuck in happy ups and not so happy downs that will control us everyday. We won’t really be living out of our heart (and what helps create joy for us), but instead we’ll be hardly really living at all.
This is a hard concept for me to get. It’s like the girl in high school that always needs a boyfriend because she thinks she will die without one. Ok - you won’t die. In fact, you’ll be actually very ok and most likely will still have a date to Homecoming. But it’s actually knowing that and breaking away from thinking that it’s solely the guy that can make you happy, because it can’t be the guy. It has to be you, with or without the guy, you know? I’m not saying I get worried about not having a date to homecoming and my happiness is reliant on things and other people - but I think I often overlook my well being and overall happiness, and instead let others tell me if I’m happy or not, or if I should feel good today or not. It’s a pretty shady way to live. I would love to tell someone that I am happy - and even if I can’t explain why - I’d be so confident in my self and therefore live that happiness out…day after day.
I’m not saying that the little things in life shouldn’t bring us joy and make us smile and a little happier every day. I am saying that maybe the little things should be the icing on the cake to an already established, pretty good sense of being. And I’m also not saying you will always be happy and we’ll live happily-ever after. That’s nonsense and I’ve learned, after nearly 22 years of existing, it is not going to be the case. And that’s ok. I’m just saying that being “happy,” like really truly happy and content is something that that we can’t bank on to find from others or “things.” It is a way to live, a mindset, if you will…that is 100% up to us.