Confessions of a Mad Man: Entry 09
I used to be a two-bit enforcer for the local mob boss. You know, shake people down for debt money, push smack, and keeping the "ladies" in line and making money. Well, I've got a bunch of stories, but my personal favorite is about this one sorry idiot, went by the name of The Biz. That sorry motherfucking little bastard nitwitt. It all started when he came to my boss about work. He wanted to push some smack and what have yous, and my boss started him off small, half a kilo per week and whatever leftovers we had lying around. He did good for a while, and then he got the break he was looking for. Four of our best runners were killed when they fuckin crashed into each other running the same red light, 2 in each car. We only had Biz and 2 others in town and the monthly shipment was coming in that night.
We called Biz up told him to come in for a special job, almost a year and he hadn't disappointed us yet so boss thought it was all good. Well the other 2 guys havent shown up yet, and we had 3 trucks waiting in an area we didnt want to wait around with that kind of stuff, you knows? So we give Biz the big truck and tell him to slowly and discreetly get his ass over to the office so we can start pushin it. Well, Biz never shows up. Thing is, he doesn't bother skipping town. Dumb fuck decides to set up his own business selling out of his same place. So we send a couple of our guys over to pay him a visit, and they never come back. This happens two or three more times, and people start refusing to go, we know when something fishy is up you knows.
Well, you can't just let something like that slide, but ol boss, hes got a couple aces up his sleeves. This paticular ace happened to be named Susie. 7'4", 600 pounds, with teeth like a baboon, and a stench to rival water buffalos in heat, he was the manliest man you could ever concieve. He had a hand-made suit of armor, weighed a fucking ton but it would take a lot of bullets, and a weird ass helmet with My Little Pony Stickers slapped all over it. He used a pump-action assault shotgun, police style, and a 13 inch hunting knife for when he wanted to make a point. One-man-fucking-army. Well he busts up in on the Biz, huge goddamn gun fight. Biz had a bunch of thugs working for smack, which explains all the trouble. Most of em had .22's, which work fine when you arent shooting at a fucking armored behemoth. After making a whole bunch of face-hambugers, he finds Biz cowering and sobbing in a closet. Well, boss wanted him back alive, but Susie is just a crazy ass mother fucker.
Heard from the mouth of Susie himself here are the events that followed. Susie pulled Biz out of the closest and took off his boot (like size fucking 50) and starts beating the living crap out of Biz, he had tread marks all over him. Then he ties him to the bed frame with Biz' own fucking arms! Like two fuckin accordians hanging off him, eheh. The whole time he kept pulling his hair and slapping his face with the occasional fishhook (and you dont know where Susie's fingers have been). Then Susie snorts this huge line of coke and starts rapin the shit out of Biz' ass. I dont mean your normal sore ass man-love, but Susie almost committed a war crime this raping was so fucking savage. Well, didn't take long for Biz' screams to piss of the neighbors, or all those gunshots. Whatever the reason, some cops showed up. Susie doesn't here em' comin up the steps, and just keeps going at Biz, who by Susie's account was dead by now.
So what do you do when you're a cop and you walk past dozens of blown-apart dead bodies and see some monster fucking a corpse? You shoot it of course. Well, Susie turns around with his eyes all bugged out and fucking bellows so loud it freezes the cops where they stand. He charges the whole group with Biz' body still impaled on his gigantic manhood and just starts beating the cops faces in. I mean, 600 pound guy with armored gloves and a cock-mounted battering ram? Holy fucking shit. Susie says he tore through 20 cops, but I doubt it was that many. Then again, Susie ain't never lied about anything I know about.
So Susie shows up at the office with whats left of Biz, boss wanted to smack Biz around himself but you dont say shit to a half-naked, blood drenched fucking monster.
We called Biz up told him to come in for a special job, almost a year and he hadn't disappointed us yet so boss thought it was all good. Well the other 2 guys havent shown up yet, and we had 3 trucks waiting in an area we didnt want to wait around with that kind of stuff, you knows? So we give Biz the big truck and tell him to slowly and discreetly get his ass over to the office so we can start pushin it. Well, Biz never shows up. Thing is, he doesn't bother skipping town. Dumb fuck decides to set up his own business selling out of his same place. So we send a couple of our guys over to pay him a visit, and they never come back. This happens two or three more times, and people start refusing to go, we know when something fishy is up you knows.
Well, you can't just let something like that slide, but ol boss, hes got a couple aces up his sleeves. This paticular ace happened to be named Susie. 7'4", 600 pounds, with teeth like a baboon, and a stench to rival water buffalos in heat, he was the manliest man you could ever concieve. He had a hand-made suit of armor, weighed a fucking ton but it would take a lot of bullets, and a weird ass helmet with My Little Pony Stickers slapped all over it. He used a pump-action assault shotgun, police style, and a 13 inch hunting knife for when he wanted to make a point. One-man-fucking-army. Well he busts up in on the Biz, huge goddamn gun fight. Biz had a bunch of thugs working for smack, which explains all the trouble. Most of em had .22's, which work fine when you arent shooting at a fucking armored behemoth. After making a whole bunch of face-hambugers, he finds Biz cowering and sobbing in a closet. Well, boss wanted him back alive, but Susie is just a crazy ass mother fucker.
Heard from the mouth of Susie himself here are the events that followed. Susie pulled Biz out of the closest and took off his boot (like size fucking 50) and starts beating the living crap out of Biz, he had tread marks all over him. Then he ties him to the bed frame with Biz' own fucking arms! Like two fuckin accordians hanging off him, eheh. The whole time he kept pulling his hair and slapping his face with the occasional fishhook (and you dont know where Susie's fingers have been). Then Susie snorts this huge line of coke and starts rapin the shit out of Biz' ass. I dont mean your normal sore ass man-love, but Susie almost committed a war crime this raping was so fucking savage. Well, didn't take long for Biz' screams to piss of the neighbors, or all those gunshots. Whatever the reason, some cops showed up. Susie doesn't here em' comin up the steps, and just keeps going at Biz, who by Susie's account was dead by now.
So what do you do when you're a cop and you walk past dozens of blown-apart dead bodies and see some monster fucking a corpse? You shoot it of course. Well, Susie turns around with his eyes all bugged out and fucking bellows so loud it freezes the cops where they stand. He charges the whole group with Biz' body still impaled on his gigantic manhood and just starts beating the cops faces in. I mean, 600 pound guy with armored gloves and a cock-mounted battering ram? Holy fucking shit. Susie says he tore through 20 cops, but I doubt it was that many. Then again, Susie ain't never lied about anything I know about.
So Susie shows up at the office with whats left of Biz, boss wanted to smack Biz around himself but you dont say shit to a half-naked, blood drenched fucking monster.