improvement
taking a look back, i like the positive steps ive taken in my life, regardless of the outcomes. ive come a long way, but no one really notices or appreciates it. in fact, i seem to have alienated more people then ive impressed with my new sense of self. i wrote a story about my life back in my senior year of high school, and the end had a list of people who had changed my life, who meant more to me then anything else, and i dont think ive talked to any of those people in a long time. when someone loses friends, they make new ones to fill that void, and my new friends are all smoking drinking partyers which will, in time, cause me to revert to the way i used to be undoing all that ive changed in my life. i cant stop being friends with these people because ending a friendship over the minor choices someone makes with their free time is, not only unfair but kind of stupid. on top of that, if i lost these guys, id have nobody, id be a hopeless shut in. hahaha. well anyway, i am impressed with myself, and thats what counts. Im going on a diet, cutting out red meat completely. its going to mostly consist of fruit, rice, and fish. which is great for me, because fish is actually my favorite thing to eat. but i gotta cut out the cow, and the bread too. its gunna be tough, but i can take it, i have a lot of will power. now if only i could get myself to actively look for a job.