PART SIX [CLOSED]
PART ONE PART TWO
PART THREE PART FOUR HERE
PART FIVE HERE
PART SEVEN HERE
PART EIGHT
PART NINE
PART TEN
PART ELEVEN HERE
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“Dammit, stop staring or I’ll stab you all with a measles hypo!”
It would be so much more threatening if it weren’t being shouted through the mouth of a six-year-old. A hand flattened against Uhura’s chest, face relaxing as she let out a soft ‘ahwww,’ eyes squinting and welling up with sappy, motherly glee. No! No, dammit! This was not the response he wanted! He wanted solutions, results… logic!
“Mister Spock!”
Half the crew tittered disgustingly as McCoy-turned-child shoved his hands back out of their too-large sleeves, hiked up his britches, and wheeled to point at the ship’s Science Officer. The fact that both angled eyebrows were raised and the Vulcan looked suspiciously on the verge of laughter did not bode well, and only served to piss Bones off further.
“Fix this!”
He didn’t think it was possible, but one eyebrow crawls up further, if only by centimeters.
“Forgive me, but… are you not the Chief Medical Officer? This is… surely something beyond my realm of expertise.”
Bones reigned in the temptation to smack that silly almost-smirk off the Vulcan’s face, but barely, and likely only because he wouldn’t be able to reach that high. Which would bring another round of coos from the crew. Which would make him puke. Violently.
“Captaiiin.”
Face scrunching up in what can only be defined as a whine, McCoy turns around again, and before he can really control his body’s actions, he’s making great-big-huge-puppy eyes up at Kirk who, up until now has been blessfully stiff and silent in comparison to his colleagues. Then Bones pouts. Dammit, I hate being a kid!, he has time to think before the Captain takes a gasping inhale. Then:
“Awwwwwwwww. You’re so cute.”
Bones was about to take bets with himself that he’d be sprouting a horrible case of diabetes from the sickening sweetness in Kirk’s voice.
“I hate you.”
On a normal day, Kirk would laugh at the response, maybe clap Bones on the back and stride away promising him a drink to make up for being an immense pain in the doctor’s ass. But not today. Nooooo, damnit, not today. Today, Kirk is clearing his throat and trying not to smile, face falling into the patronizing overly-superior look one gets when dealing with children. Fuck my life…
“Bo- McC-… Leonard,” Kirk finally settles, unable to call his friend by any of his more manly nicknames, “Have you ever heard the story of the Curious Case of Benjamin Button?”
“Stop. Don’t. I will kill you, Jim. I will-”
“Have you?”
“-fuck your shit right up.”
“Leonard!”
McCoy whipped around to find Uhura glaring at him, tone scandalized. Patience thoroughly exhausted, the good doctor slams his hands down on his hips, lifts his chin and glaaaaaares.
“What do you want, woman?”
The resulting noise can only be described as fffffccccshk, a heavily nasal sound accompanying the smile that the Lieutenant tried to hide (unsuccessfully) behind her hand. They can’t even be properly angry at me! , Bones snarled to himself angrily, eyes welling up with unwanted, childish tears. No! No! Damn you body, down boy! GODDAMNIT.
“I hate you all!”
Sleeves sproing up from around his elbows and flutter through the air as Bones tossed his arms skywards in defeat. This causes quite the dilemma when it comes time to hike his pants up again, but he managed, dignity already sacrificed to the godsdamned fucking woman back on fucking earth that had tainted his fucking alcohol with this fucking voodoo that had somehow fucking landed him like this...
“FUCK!,” he threw in for good measure as he toddled awkwardly off the bridge, door psho-ing open before him. “I’ll fix this myself!”
The petulant outcry was the last thing they heard before the door closed. Silence again consumed the bridge. Then a snigger. A titter. Then uproarious laughter that echoed in Bones’s ears the whole way back to sickbay. Maybe Nurse Chapel would give him a hug and tell him it would be alright, she’d fix him. Sniffle.
DAMMIT!
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Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it! >8D Bones deserves everything he gets, 'cause I'm a firm believer in the idea that he puked in Kirk's lap after they met. ;)
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*pouts at the adorableness*
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