ship olympics: triathlon: team kalifarr
Title: Worlds Apart
Creator(s): misplacedmama ,linstock , chibifukurou , and larawander5
Universe: AOS
Rating: R
Pairing: Amanda/Sarek
Wordcount: 5,000
Summary: A man from an ancient alien culture. A woman from a young planet. They are words apart.
Disclaimer: TeamKallifar and its affiliated members do not own Star Trek or any related images, characters, or stories. We're taking part in the Ship Olympics for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
Click on the picture to stream the podfic in a new tab:
Worlds Apart
by chibifukurou , larawander5 , linstock , and misplacedmama
=^=
Amanda gazed with approval at her reflection in the long cheval mirror. She saw an elegant woman in the long off-white satin sheath that draped softly over her body, emphasising her petite figure. This was the woman she would be from now on, poised, confident and feminine.
She ran her fingers though her cropped hair. Lionel had claimed to adore her long hair, so after he had humiliatingly dumped her, she’d cut it short. Amanda knew this was a stereotypical response to a painful break-up but that didn’t stop it from feeling liberating, and besides…she looked good.
Amanda was done with trying to please men. It hadn’t worked with her father, it had never worked in relationships, and she vowed never again to pander to any man’s opinion of what she should be or how she should behave. They would get Amanda Stemple Grayson just as she was, and they would just have to deal with it.
After the break-up, she was determined not to hide and lick her wounds; Amanda would hold her head up and face the world on her own terms. She enjoyed going out, and that was what she intended to do, though she balked a little at the idea of socializing as a single woman again.
Her friend, Sue, had called and suggested a blind date with a man her husband knew from work, and who had the one characteristic Amanda demanded; he was nothing at all like Lionel. Amanda accepted immediately.
=^=
Sarek had accepted the corrective criticism of his supervisor, Ambassador Selek, and was seeking to address his deficiencies. As a junior member of the ambassadorial staff he had know how to behave in any social situation. After the unfortunate incident at the Andorian embassy cocktail party, Selek concluded that Sarek lacked the interpersonal skills needed to escort a female at a social function.
Sarek accepted that it was logical to acquire these necessary skills. The matter was discussed with a human colleague. As Vulcans were uncomfortable with informality and preferred clear social rules, it was decided that a semi-formal dinner “date” was an appropriate starting point. The colleague also thought his wife knew just the woman to ask.
Now Sarek was waiting in the foyer of the Galaxy Hotel to meet his “date.” He felt a heaviness in his chest at the thought of spending a strained evening with an unknown woman.
=^=
Amanda watched her “date” standing the hotel foyer. She would strangle Sue; it seemed there was one important thing her friend had not mentioned. Amanda’s date was a Vulcan.
She mentally shook herself remembering her earlier resolution. Did his being Vulcan make any difference? What Sue said was true; he wouldn’t be anything like flamboyant, gregarious, manipulative Lionel.
The Vulcan was handsome and obviously ill at ease. She felt a wave of compassion; he probably felt more uncomfortable than her. Amanda decided she’d treat him like any other date and simply enjoy herself and, hopefully, he would have a good time too.
She smiled and advanced across the foyer.
=^=
As Sarek watched the woman walking gracefully across the foyer he had no idea that his love for this woman would shape the course of the rest of his life.
=^=
I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
=^=
They went into the lounge to wait for their table. Initially, they were awkward and formal, but he was interesting, intelligent, well-informed, and she was inquisitive and insightful and the time passed quickly.
=^=
When their table was ready, they stood and Amanda automatically placed her hand on Sarek’s arm to be escorted. He flinched and withdrew as if he’d received an electric shock. Amanda was bewildered and hurt. Once she would’ve said nothing, and spent the evening feeling constrained, but not any more.
She looked directly at Sarek and said calmly, “When I touch you and you withdraw, I feel rejected and hurt. Recently I’ve had as much hurt and rejection as I can handle, so I am feeling rather vulnerable. I need to be able to behave normally with you. What do you need me to do so my needs will be met, and you can still be comfortable?”
No one had ever spoken to Sarek in this way before. Was this how he made people feel? Hurt, rejected and uncomfortable? If so, it explained many things. He briefly wondered what had made this engaging women feel so “vulnerable.” Then, for the first time, he really considered what he needed to learn to tolerate human social touch.
“Can you stand where I can see you so I can anticipate your actions?” he asked.
“Perhaps I can also warn you with a look?” she answered.
He nodded in agreement. “And I…prefer…that you do not touch my skin.”
She gave him a radiant smile. “I believe we have a compromise.” She placed her hand on his arm, and together they walked to their table.
=^=
The dinner was wonderful, excellent food and stimulating conversation. Amanda was never bored. Sarek had an incisive mind and acute sense of timing that often had her laughing.
Sarek was more relaxed in this woman’s company that he’d thought possible. She was the first human that treated him as a real person, not merely a Vulcan. And she was fascinating.
After the meal they moved into the lounge area. Sarek found himself explaining why he had become an astrophysicist and then a junior diplomat. He spoke with such understated passion that Amanda realized Vulcans could be dreamers, romantics and visionaries in their own logical way.
As they talked, they sipped drinks and watched the couples on the dance floor. Amanda suddenly turned to Sarek and announced “I’d like to dance.”
“I have no proficiency in dancing,” he replied.
Amanda raised her brows. “Not even for the cause of greater intergalactic understanding?”
Sarek looked confused. “Vulcans do not dance.”
“What, never?”
“There are some dances that accompany rituals but these are executed by trained performers.”
Amanda nodded thoughtfully. “Think of this as the dancing that accompanies the ritual of human dating, and that your training commences now.”
He still hesitated.
She stood and held her hand towards him, and said “Sarek, may I have the pleasure of this dance?”
Later Sarek realized that was the moment when he made the choice that changed his life. He could have demurred, but instead he stood and took her hand.
The dancing lesson took place in a quiet corner of the lounge, half concealed by a row of potted plants. The moment felt surreal to Sarek, as if he were in a waking dream.
For the first 10 minutes they stumbled and blundered, and then Sarek stepped on Amanda’s foot. She gasped and laughed. The tingle of her laughter seeped through Sarek’s mental shields and bubbled in his mind.
Once, Amanda placed his hands on her hips so he could feel the way she moved. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, mesmerized by the soft movement beneath his fingers.
“Your hands are so warm,” she murmured breathlessly.
Sarek was an apt student, and soon they were really dancing. When the music slowed and Amanda leaned toward him, he didn’t withdraw. As if from outside himself, Sarek watched in disbelief as he held a women gently to his chest, and bent his head to rest his cheek against her hair.
He drew a breath to speak and Amanda whispered, “Shh Sarek, just hold me and dance.”
So he did.
=^=
Later that night, when Sarek escorted her to her door, Amanda said, “There is an earth custom associated with leave-taking.”
He raised a brow. “Another way to foster greater intergalactic understanding?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She stood on her toes, and pressed her lips softly against his before disappearing into her apartment.
Sarek stood gazing at her door for 7.3 seconds before he was finally able to turn and depart.
=^=
A few days later Sue called Amanda to ask about the blind date. Sue said, “Sarek’s not bad looking, but he’s so Vulcan. Can you imagine being with a man like that?”
Amanda found she could easily imagine being with a man like that, one with dignity and intelligence, a diamond bright mind, warm arms and soft sensual lips.
Amanda had always had a formless, faceless lover who visited her dreams and made her wake roused and aching. Now, when she woke with her body yearning, it was a familiar deep calm voice that whispered to her with warm hands upon her hips.
=^=
Amanda was able to use logic to convince Sarek to a second date, and then a third, forth, and fifth date. Soon Amanda stopped counting the dates altogether, and even stopped coming up with reasons like “We can go to see this movie so that you can better understand human motivation,” and “What better way to understand human fear than to go to a Haunted House.” There were even the rare but noticeable occasions when Sarek would ask for her to attend events with him, such as joining him for an opera or going to see the symphony perform the “Magic of Christmas.”
The biggest change in their relationship came when Sarek asked Amanda to a political function that his advisor was forcing him to attend. The delegates were milling all over and Amanda found herself aware of how much they were actually fitting in. Sarek always managed to keep her a captive audience and now it seemed to not just be limited to her as they were animatedly discussing recent politics with others.
Amanda felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see an older Vulcan. She recognized Ambassador Selek, whom she had been introduced to earlier before Sarek guided her away. Selek inclined his head and began to move to the side of the room, a clear invitation. Sarek was still deep in conversation with the Tellarite ambassador and probably wouldn’t notice Amanda’s absence while she talked to his advisor.
Amanda followed the other Vulcan, and he acknowledged her presence with a nod. He kept his eyes trained on Sarek, who seemed to be in his element with the other delegates.
“You complement him well,” Selek said without facing her. “I have known Sarek since he was a child, and I have never seen him behave in this manner.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.
The ambassador paused for a moment. “He seems more at ease then I have ever seen him.” he said. “He was always a studious boy, his skills and research at the Vulcan Science Academy is widely renowned. I must admit that I had often considered that he would become secluded in his research, and would only emerge when he had made a new discovery. I was quite astonished when he accepted his current position.”
He turned to Amanda, his entire focus now on her. If she hadn’t had a backbone, Amanda probably would have liquefied from such an intense scrutiny.
Selek continued, “Now, I find myself even more astounded by his continued association with you. He will often bring you up in conversation. He has even declined several possible engagements in favor of your company. Now he brings you here and is more...” --he paused as if searching for the right word-- “passionate than I have ever seen him before. I have never heard these carefully reasoned opinions that he is now expressing. He often asks for your input, and listens quite attentively to your views.”
Amanda was taken aback by his statement. “Sarek is always is this way.”
“I am not acquainted with this ‘Sarek,’” Selek replied. “It seems almost as if I have never met him before tonight, as if I have only known a shadow of his true self all of these years. I find myself quite unexpectedly looking forward to as you humans say ‘getting to know him better.’” He continued to study her as if trying to uncover her secrets. His revelation surprised Amanda, and she didn’t know how to respond.
Fortunately, Sarek appeared at her side. He greeted the ambassador with a nod, and as if sensing Amanda’s discomfort, said to her, “It has been brought to my attention that I have been remiss in my duties as your companion. May I have this dance?”
Amanda smiled up at him, the memory of their first date flitting across her mind. “Of course.” She turned to Selek. “It was a nice to talk to you, Ambassador. A very enlightening conversation. May you live long and prosper.”
Sarek raised a brow, and she grinned, deciding at that moment she would never share the ambassador’s words with him. It was exhilarating to know that, like her, Sarek was affected by their relationship, that she had been the one to bring him out of his shell. Amanda had never before felt so alive as when they were together.
She grabbed one of Sarek’s hands and led him to the dance floor where they danced and talked the rest of the night away.
=^=
Several months later, her face haunted Sarek’s dreams, the curve of her cheek, the way her dark hair fell around her shoulders as he danced with her. He could hear her laughter ringing like a bell, a sound that reverberated throughout his body. Her eyes seemed to refract an inner light as if her katra could outshine a star gone supernova. She was splendid. She was what he needed, what he craved.
The dreams always ended the same, with her reaching toward him, pain etched on her features. Every cell in his body would demand that he take her hand, that he pull her to him, to join their minds and bodies, but he turns away instead.
He burned. He felt a fury when the blood fever began boiling in his veins, stealing away the pretense he had been gladly embracing-the pretense that his relationship with Amanda could be more than a social experiment. When his control began to slip, when he began waking in tangled, sweat-soaked sheets, Sarek could no longer deny that the gap between Vulcan and human would prove too immense. His duty to his people, to the Vulcan way, was greater than the affection he had developed for Amanda.
T’Rea was Vulcan. She understood when his mask of serenity and logic was shattered, and she guided him through his Pon Farr. She opened her body and her mind to him, but Sarek could not complete the bond. Even as he hovered over T’Rea, overtaken with lust and need, Amanda was still prominent in his thoughts. T’Rea was nothing more than a substitute, incapable of doing more for him than saving his physical form. His katra had already claimed another, and the declaration would not be rescinded.
For three days, Sarek took T’Rea to his bed and ravaged her body with his fever. For three days, he closed his eyes and saw a different face-one with rose-colored lips turned upward in a brilliant smile.
=^=
Sarek stood on the balcony, wearing only loose linen pants. His hands were clasped behind his back as he took in the view. Mount Selaya lay in the distance, its ragged peak towering over the uneven plains of the Forge. The sky was burnt umber and vermillion, colors that predicted a pleasing day. The scene was so familiar to him that he could see it when he closed his eyes. This was the image of his childhood, his youth and his young adulthood, and yet it was no longer home to him.
He felt foreign now, permanently changed from his experience on Earth. Amanda had made the lush, blue and green planet a place where he felt more at ease than he had his entire life on Vulcan. The fires of his Pon Farr had been cooled for many days, but his renewed composure could not completely still the sense that he had betrayed Amanda by leaving her.
Enough. It was illogical to go down this path. Sarek had made his choice, and he would fulfill his obligations. He would stay on Vulcan, marry T’Rea and raise their child-if one had been created with this joining. His time with Amanda had given him new understanding, opened him to a different perspective, and he would always remain grateful. But that season of his life had come to an end, and he must now embrace what lay ahead.
“Sarek.” T’Rea’s voice was quiet as she joined him on the balcony. “I must speak with you.” She had been with the healer, and Sarek was certain she would now tell him if the Pon Farr had brought new life.
He faced her, projecting the calm he did not quite feel. “Speak your mind.”
“I am with child.”
With her announcement came the sound of a lock being turned, barring him completely from any hope of a life with Amanda. “This is good news,” he said in an even voice. It was good news, and he was pleased, but it did not stop his mind from considering what it would be like to hear the same words come from Amanda’s lips instead.
But of course, he never would.
=^=
Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
=^=
"I do not know why you insist on returning to Earth.” T’Rea said more than a year after Sarek’s Pon Farr. “You have a stable position at the Science Academy. There is no logical reason for you to change your career in order to return to such a backwards planet." She did not hide the contempt in her voice.
"I have made my decision, T'Rea." Sarek replied. He refused to be swayed by his past-bond mate's lack of emotional control. "It is logical for me to accept the position as ambassador with the Earth Embassy."
"Then you must at least explain your logic." T’Rea’s statement made her disbelief clear.
"I must explain nothing." Sarek replied, tucking Sybok back into his tiny pod. The child had fallen asleep soon after he had been fed, and Sarek had been reluctant to put him down. Now, though, it seemed the more logical choice. He did not want to expose his son to his own unsettled emotions.
Sarek turned back to T’Rea. "I have been informed of your intentions to bond with another."
She stepped back. "I see."
"I understand the logic of your decision, but I cannot remain here if you follow through with this plan. I care little if your bond-mate takes my place in your life. However, my logic would fail me if I had to watch him raise our son. Sybok is precious to me."
T’Rea nodded and leaned over Sybok's pod, running a gentle finger over the tip of his ear in a soothing manner. "Perhaps you are right to go to Earth. I do not want Sybok to be influenced by your interest in humans."
Sarek traced Sybok's other ear, resisting the urge to scoop his son up and take him out of T’Rea’s reach. He did not have the right to do so in this situation. He had not bonded T’Rea, and by law Sybok was hers to raise as she saw fit.
"You will still allow me to see him?" Sarek asked.
"Yes, I will allow you to see him,” T’Rea answered with a flat expression. “But he will be raised as my bond-mate's son."
Sarek nodded. This was the best solution, of course, even if it was not the most agreeable. Sybok would have better opportunities if he was raised as the son of a bonded pair. This knowledge, however, did not quell Sarek’s displeasure. Knowing that Amanda was waiting for him on Earth gave him the strength to remain calm in this difficult situation.
Illogical as it seemed, spending time in Amanda’s presence gave him a peace that he had sorely missed since his return to Vulcan.
=^=
Here we stand
World's apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you
=^=
Amanda felt rather silly waiting for her ex-boyfriend at the space port. He was always the one that got away. Their time together had been the best of her life and then it came to an abrupt end when Sarek had to return to Vulcan for some personal business. It had bothered her a little that he never told her what it was, but she got over it when she realized that it was tearing him apart to leave her.
During those last few days, he had gazed at her so wistfully that, if he hadn’t been Vulcan, she would have sworn that he was close to tears. He touched her tenderly and held her as if he were trying to memorize the feel of her. Then he left her at the space port.
Amanda spent so many sleepless nights thinking of him. It was only after they parted that she realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Sarek. His absence had been a shock at first, and she kept expecting to see him, making a mental list of things that she was going to tell him. Before, their almost daily communications had never been enough, always over too soon. Even now, nearly two years later, she almost felt physical pain each time she thought of him. Amanda had felt incomplete, as if Sarek had taken half of her broken heart with him to Vulcan.
The sad memories fled from her mind when she saw him exit the transport. Her heart felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. Sarek was back! She had planned to hail him formally with the ta’al and the Vulcan greeting that she had been practicing, but to hell with that.
Amanda ran towards Sarek and threw herself at him. She clung to him and felt his arms wrap around her, holding her just as tightly. After a few moments, he released one of his hands and touched her face. She realized then that she was crying; she was so happy to see him. He stared at her, mesmerized as he caressed her cheek, wiping away her tears and touching her if making sure she was real.
He tilted her chin up and bent down, bringing his lips to hers. He kissed her with abandon, in front of the whole world, and Amanda didn’t care. She returned the kiss with fervor, ignoring the stares she was sure they were getting. When they pulled apart to breathe, he stroked her face again. If his eyes were just a little bit shiny and his face not quite so stoic, well, Amanda wouldn’t say anything. She grinned as she pulled him away from the crowd to her transport.
=^=
Having Amanda at his side again felt surreal. He gripped her hand, reluctant to lose contact with her. Sarek could not get enough of her mind which seemed to have become so much brighter in his absence. Before he had thought her mind was like a supernova, but now it was like witnessing several stars being born out of its remnants. Each thought was breathtaking in its beauty, and he constantly looked down at her in wonder.
That first night, they spent hours in each other’s arms, talking. They fell into easy conversation as if they had never been apart. However, the way they clung to each other indicated just how keenly they both remembered their painful separation, and neither desired to repeat the experience ever again. Amanda fell asleep against Sarek’s chest while he was still talking, and he could not be bothered to see the logic of waking her up. He spent the rest of night watching over her and touching her hair to make sure that she would not illogically disappear. Meditation could not bring the same peace that gazing down at Amanda gave him.
He knew that it would not be easy to be together. However, that night reminded him of how important she was to him. In the morning, he knew that they could face it their worlds together.
=^=
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways
=^=
“You would ask me for permission to bond with an outworlder, Sarek?” T’Pau asked with a peaked brow. “It is not the Vulcan way.”
Sarek considered how best to answer her. There was no room in the Vulcan way for a marriage of preference. He could argue how well-matched Amanda was to him intellectually, how she challenged his preconceptions, inspired him to grow beyond what he was, to become a better version of himself. He could argue that his time with her had made him understand the nature of his people more clearly; his respect for the Vulcan way was greater because of their association. He could make all these arguments and more, but it would not be the truth. Sarek was marrying Amanda for love, and that was a reason that he knew T’Pau could not accept.
“As ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to observe and understand human behavior. Marrying Miss Grayson is logical,” Sarek explained, bringing his eyes to T’Pau’s. “I am not requesting your permission. I am merely making you aware of my intentions.”
T’Pau’s eyes widened. “You would take this komihn as wife against your family’s wishes?”
Sarek kept his gaze steady. “If I must.”
“Marry her the human way, then.” T’Pau gave him an indifferent wave of her hand. “But know that your bond with her will not be ratified on Vulcan. She will not have a place among us.”
Sarek found that unacceptable. He was determined that Amanda be given her full rights as his wife. “For one who helped bring the true teachings of Surak to our people,” he replied in an even tone, “you are intimately aware of his most basic precept: infinite diversity in infinite combinations. You must concede that accepting Amanda Grayson as my wife is in accordance with the Vulcan way.”
T’Pau’s lips became a thin line, and Sarek knew that he had won the argument.
=^=
The ground was hard and warm underneath Amanda as she knelt across from Sarek. Her heart fluttered as he brought his right hand toward her, his first two fingers extended. She hesitated only a few seconds before mimicking the gesture. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous; they had already been married on Earth in a wedding large enough to make the media happy. The ceremony on Vulcan was to be a quiet affair with only their immediate families in attendance, and yet somehow, she found it more nerve-wracking.
When she touched her fingers to his, she felt his affection for her seep through the contact, and she blushed.
“There is still time for you to declare Kalifee if you are having second thoughts,” Sarek murmured, his brow quirked in the way that meant he was teasing. “However, I would ask that you choose a champion that I could easily best.”
Amanda laughed, and Sarek’s amusement buzzed against her fingertips. “I declare Kalifarr, beloved,” she whispered, “for now and always.” Her heart swelled as they looked at each other.
The aged priestess stepped forward and spoke. “What you are about to see comes down from the time of the Beginning,” she said in Sarek’s native tongue, “This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul-this is our way.” She placed her fingers against Amanda’s cheek and temple, and did the same for Sarek.
Suddenly, the gentle hum of Sarek’s presence became amplified a hundredfold. She was overwhelmed by the color of his passion, the fire of his desire, the vice-like grip of his possessiveness and the brilliant light of his love. He had told her that for his people emotions run deep underneath the calm of logic, but his warning now seemed like the understatement of the century.
It is too much. When she heard his words in her mind, Amanda realized that she was weeping. She felt him begin to withdraw.
No! She wasn’t sure if she had sent the word across their newly formed bond or spoken it out loud. She reached for Sarek’s mind and drew him back. Your love is greatest gift you could ever give me, Husband.
Amanda laughed once more as she was swept away in the swell of their shared joy.
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
Creator(s): misplacedmama ,linstock , chibifukurou , and larawander5
Universe: AOS
Rating: R
Pairing: Amanda/Sarek
Wordcount: 5,000
Summary: A man from an ancient alien culture. A woman from a young planet. They are words apart.
Disclaimer: TeamKallifar and its affiliated members do not own Star Trek or any related images, characters, or stories. We're taking part in the Ship Olympics for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
Click on the picture to stream the podfic in a new tab:
Worlds Apart
by chibifukurou , larawander5 , linstock , and misplacedmama
=^=
Amanda gazed with approval at her reflection in the long cheval mirror. She saw an elegant woman in the long off-white satin sheath that draped softly over her body, emphasising her petite figure. This was the woman she would be from now on, poised, confident and feminine.
She ran her fingers though her cropped hair. Lionel had claimed to adore her long hair, so after he had humiliatingly dumped her, she’d cut it short. Amanda knew this was a stereotypical response to a painful break-up but that didn’t stop it from feeling liberating, and besides…she looked good.
Amanda was done with trying to please men. It hadn’t worked with her father, it had never worked in relationships, and she vowed never again to pander to any man’s opinion of what she should be or how she should behave. They would get Amanda Stemple Grayson just as she was, and they would just have to deal with it.
After the break-up, she was determined not to hide and lick her wounds; Amanda would hold her head up and face the world on her own terms. She enjoyed going out, and that was what she intended to do, though she balked a little at the idea of socializing as a single woman again.
Her friend, Sue, had called and suggested a blind date with a man her husband knew from work, and who had the one characteristic Amanda demanded; he was nothing at all like Lionel. Amanda accepted immediately.
=^=
Sarek had accepted the corrective criticism of his supervisor, Ambassador Selek, and was seeking to address his deficiencies. As a junior member of the ambassadorial staff he had know how to behave in any social situation. After the unfortunate incident at the Andorian embassy cocktail party, Selek concluded that Sarek lacked the interpersonal skills needed to escort a female at a social function.
Sarek accepted that it was logical to acquire these necessary skills. The matter was discussed with a human colleague. As Vulcans were uncomfortable with informality and preferred clear social rules, it was decided that a semi-formal dinner “date” was an appropriate starting point. The colleague also thought his wife knew just the woman to ask.
Now Sarek was waiting in the foyer of the Galaxy Hotel to meet his “date.” He felt a heaviness in his chest at the thought of spending a strained evening with an unknown woman.
=^=
Amanda watched her “date” standing the hotel foyer. She would strangle Sue; it seemed there was one important thing her friend had not mentioned. Amanda’s date was a Vulcan.
She mentally shook herself remembering her earlier resolution. Did his being Vulcan make any difference? What Sue said was true; he wouldn’t be anything like flamboyant, gregarious, manipulative Lionel.
The Vulcan was handsome and obviously ill at ease. She felt a wave of compassion; he probably felt more uncomfortable than her. Amanda decided she’d treat him like any other date and simply enjoy herself and, hopefully, he would have a good time too.
She smiled and advanced across the foyer.
=^=
As Sarek watched the woman walking gracefully across the foyer he had no idea that his love for this woman would shape the course of the rest of his life.
=^=
I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
=^=
They went into the lounge to wait for their table. Initially, they were awkward and formal, but he was interesting, intelligent, well-informed, and she was inquisitive and insightful and the time passed quickly.
=^=
When their table was ready, they stood and Amanda automatically placed her hand on Sarek’s arm to be escorted. He flinched and withdrew as if he’d received an electric shock. Amanda was bewildered and hurt. Once she would’ve said nothing, and spent the evening feeling constrained, but not any more.
She looked directly at Sarek and said calmly, “When I touch you and you withdraw, I feel rejected and hurt. Recently I’ve had as much hurt and rejection as I can handle, so I am feeling rather vulnerable. I need to be able to behave normally with you. What do you need me to do so my needs will be met, and you can still be comfortable?”
No one had ever spoken to Sarek in this way before. Was this how he made people feel? Hurt, rejected and uncomfortable? If so, it explained many things. He briefly wondered what had made this engaging women feel so “vulnerable.” Then, for the first time, he really considered what he needed to learn to tolerate human social touch.
“Can you stand where I can see you so I can anticipate your actions?” he asked.
“Perhaps I can also warn you with a look?” she answered.
He nodded in agreement. “And I…prefer…that you do not touch my skin.”
She gave him a radiant smile. “I believe we have a compromise.” She placed her hand on his arm, and together they walked to their table.
=^=
The dinner was wonderful, excellent food and stimulating conversation. Amanda was never bored. Sarek had an incisive mind and acute sense of timing that often had her laughing.
Sarek was more relaxed in this woman’s company that he’d thought possible. She was the first human that treated him as a real person, not merely a Vulcan. And she was fascinating.
After the meal they moved into the lounge area. Sarek found himself explaining why he had become an astrophysicist and then a junior diplomat. He spoke with such understated passion that Amanda realized Vulcans could be dreamers, romantics and visionaries in their own logical way.
As they talked, they sipped drinks and watched the couples on the dance floor. Amanda suddenly turned to Sarek and announced “I’d like to dance.”
“I have no proficiency in dancing,” he replied.
Amanda raised her brows. “Not even for the cause of greater intergalactic understanding?”
Sarek looked confused. “Vulcans do not dance.”
“What, never?”
“There are some dances that accompany rituals but these are executed by trained performers.”
Amanda nodded thoughtfully. “Think of this as the dancing that accompanies the ritual of human dating, and that your training commences now.”
He still hesitated.
She stood and held her hand towards him, and said “Sarek, may I have the pleasure of this dance?”
Later Sarek realized that was the moment when he made the choice that changed his life. He could have demurred, but instead he stood and took her hand.
The dancing lesson took place in a quiet corner of the lounge, half concealed by a row of potted plants. The moment felt surreal to Sarek, as if he were in a waking dream.
For the first 10 minutes they stumbled and blundered, and then Sarek stepped on Amanda’s foot. She gasped and laughed. The tingle of her laughter seeped through Sarek’s mental shields and bubbled in his mind.
Once, Amanda placed his hands on her hips so he could feel the way she moved. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, mesmerized by the soft movement beneath his fingers.
“Your hands are so warm,” she murmured breathlessly.
Sarek was an apt student, and soon they were really dancing. When the music slowed and Amanda leaned toward him, he didn’t withdraw. As if from outside himself, Sarek watched in disbelief as he held a women gently to his chest, and bent his head to rest his cheek against her hair.
He drew a breath to speak and Amanda whispered, “Shh Sarek, just hold me and dance.”
So he did.
=^=
Later that night, when Sarek escorted her to her door, Amanda said, “There is an earth custom associated with leave-taking.”
He raised a brow. “Another way to foster greater intergalactic understanding?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She stood on her toes, and pressed her lips softly against his before disappearing into her apartment.
Sarek stood gazing at her door for 7.3 seconds before he was finally able to turn and depart.
=^=
A few days later Sue called Amanda to ask about the blind date. Sue said, “Sarek’s not bad looking, but he’s so Vulcan. Can you imagine being with a man like that?”
Amanda found she could easily imagine being with a man like that, one with dignity and intelligence, a diamond bright mind, warm arms and soft sensual lips.
Amanda had always had a formless, faceless lover who visited her dreams and made her wake roused and aching. Now, when she woke with her body yearning, it was a familiar deep calm voice that whispered to her with warm hands upon her hips.
=^=
Amanda was able to use logic to convince Sarek to a second date, and then a third, forth, and fifth date. Soon Amanda stopped counting the dates altogether, and even stopped coming up with reasons like “We can go to see this movie so that you can better understand human motivation,” and “What better way to understand human fear than to go to a Haunted House.” There were even the rare but noticeable occasions when Sarek would ask for her to attend events with him, such as joining him for an opera or going to see the symphony perform the “Magic of Christmas.”
The biggest change in their relationship came when Sarek asked Amanda to a political function that his advisor was forcing him to attend. The delegates were milling all over and Amanda found herself aware of how much they were actually fitting in. Sarek always managed to keep her a captive audience and now it seemed to not just be limited to her as they were animatedly discussing recent politics with others.
Amanda felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to see an older Vulcan. She recognized Ambassador Selek, whom she had been introduced to earlier before Sarek guided her away. Selek inclined his head and began to move to the side of the room, a clear invitation. Sarek was still deep in conversation with the Tellarite ambassador and probably wouldn’t notice Amanda’s absence while she talked to his advisor.
Amanda followed the other Vulcan, and he acknowledged her presence with a nod. He kept his eyes trained on Sarek, who seemed to be in his element with the other delegates.
“You complement him well,” Selek said without facing her. “I have known Sarek since he was a child, and I have never seen him behave in this manner.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.
The ambassador paused for a moment. “He seems more at ease then I have ever seen him.” he said. “He was always a studious boy, his skills and research at the Vulcan Science Academy is widely renowned. I must admit that I had often considered that he would become secluded in his research, and would only emerge when he had made a new discovery. I was quite astonished when he accepted his current position.”
He turned to Amanda, his entire focus now on her. If she hadn’t had a backbone, Amanda probably would have liquefied from such an intense scrutiny.
Selek continued, “Now, I find myself even more astounded by his continued association with you. He will often bring you up in conversation. He has even declined several possible engagements in favor of your company. Now he brings you here and is more...” --he paused as if searching for the right word-- “passionate than I have ever seen him before. I have never heard these carefully reasoned opinions that he is now expressing. He often asks for your input, and listens quite attentively to your views.”
Amanda was taken aback by his statement. “Sarek is always is this way.”
“I am not acquainted with this ‘Sarek,’” Selek replied. “It seems almost as if I have never met him before tonight, as if I have only known a shadow of his true self all of these years. I find myself quite unexpectedly looking forward to as you humans say ‘getting to know him better.’” He continued to study her as if trying to uncover her secrets. His revelation surprised Amanda, and she didn’t know how to respond.
Fortunately, Sarek appeared at her side. He greeted the ambassador with a nod, and as if sensing Amanda’s discomfort, said to her, “It has been brought to my attention that I have been remiss in my duties as your companion. May I have this dance?”
Amanda smiled up at him, the memory of their first date flitting across her mind. “Of course.” She turned to Selek. “It was a nice to talk to you, Ambassador. A very enlightening conversation. May you live long and prosper.”
Sarek raised a brow, and she grinned, deciding at that moment she would never share the ambassador’s words with him. It was exhilarating to know that, like her, Sarek was affected by their relationship, that she had been the one to bring him out of his shell. Amanda had never before felt so alive as when they were together.
She grabbed one of Sarek’s hands and led him to the dance floor where they danced and talked the rest of the night away.
=^=
Several months later, her face haunted Sarek’s dreams, the curve of her cheek, the way her dark hair fell around her shoulders as he danced with her. He could hear her laughter ringing like a bell, a sound that reverberated throughout his body. Her eyes seemed to refract an inner light as if her katra could outshine a star gone supernova. She was splendid. She was what he needed, what he craved.
The dreams always ended the same, with her reaching toward him, pain etched on her features. Every cell in his body would demand that he take her hand, that he pull her to him, to join their minds and bodies, but he turns away instead.
He burned. He felt a fury when the blood fever began boiling in his veins, stealing away the pretense he had been gladly embracing-the pretense that his relationship with Amanda could be more than a social experiment. When his control began to slip, when he began waking in tangled, sweat-soaked sheets, Sarek could no longer deny that the gap between Vulcan and human would prove too immense. His duty to his people, to the Vulcan way, was greater than the affection he had developed for Amanda.
T’Rea was Vulcan. She understood when his mask of serenity and logic was shattered, and she guided him through his Pon Farr. She opened her body and her mind to him, but Sarek could not complete the bond. Even as he hovered over T’Rea, overtaken with lust and need, Amanda was still prominent in his thoughts. T’Rea was nothing more than a substitute, incapable of doing more for him than saving his physical form. His katra had already claimed another, and the declaration would not be rescinded.
For three days, Sarek took T’Rea to his bed and ravaged her body with his fever. For three days, he closed his eyes and saw a different face-one with rose-colored lips turned upward in a brilliant smile.
=^=
Sarek stood on the balcony, wearing only loose linen pants. His hands were clasped behind his back as he took in the view. Mount Selaya lay in the distance, its ragged peak towering over the uneven plains of the Forge. The sky was burnt umber and vermillion, colors that predicted a pleasing day. The scene was so familiar to him that he could see it when he closed his eyes. This was the image of his childhood, his youth and his young adulthood, and yet it was no longer home to him.
He felt foreign now, permanently changed from his experience on Earth. Amanda had made the lush, blue and green planet a place where he felt more at ease than he had his entire life on Vulcan. The fires of his Pon Farr had been cooled for many days, but his renewed composure could not completely still the sense that he had betrayed Amanda by leaving her.
Enough. It was illogical to go down this path. Sarek had made his choice, and he would fulfill his obligations. He would stay on Vulcan, marry T’Rea and raise their child-if one had been created with this joining. His time with Amanda had given him new understanding, opened him to a different perspective, and he would always remain grateful. But that season of his life had come to an end, and he must now embrace what lay ahead.
“Sarek.” T’Rea’s voice was quiet as she joined him on the balcony. “I must speak with you.” She had been with the healer, and Sarek was certain she would now tell him if the Pon Farr had brought new life.
He faced her, projecting the calm he did not quite feel. “Speak your mind.”
“I am with child.”
With her announcement came the sound of a lock being turned, barring him completely from any hope of a life with Amanda. “This is good news,” he said in an even voice. It was good news, and he was pleased, but it did not stop his mind from considering what it would be like to hear the same words come from Amanda’s lips instead.
But of course, he never would.
=^=
Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain
=^=
"I do not know why you insist on returning to Earth.” T’Rea said more than a year after Sarek’s Pon Farr. “You have a stable position at the Science Academy. There is no logical reason for you to change your career in order to return to such a backwards planet." She did not hide the contempt in her voice.
"I have made my decision, T'Rea." Sarek replied. He refused to be swayed by his past-bond mate's lack of emotional control. "It is logical for me to accept the position as ambassador with the Earth Embassy."
"Then you must at least explain your logic." T’Rea’s statement made her disbelief clear.
"I must explain nothing." Sarek replied, tucking Sybok back into his tiny pod. The child had fallen asleep soon after he had been fed, and Sarek had been reluctant to put him down. Now, though, it seemed the more logical choice. He did not want to expose his son to his own unsettled emotions.
Sarek turned back to T’Rea. "I have been informed of your intentions to bond with another."
She stepped back. "I see."
"I understand the logic of your decision, but I cannot remain here if you follow through with this plan. I care little if your bond-mate takes my place in your life. However, my logic would fail me if I had to watch him raise our son. Sybok is precious to me."
T’Rea nodded and leaned over Sybok's pod, running a gentle finger over the tip of his ear in a soothing manner. "Perhaps you are right to go to Earth. I do not want Sybok to be influenced by your interest in humans."
Sarek traced Sybok's other ear, resisting the urge to scoop his son up and take him out of T’Rea’s reach. He did not have the right to do so in this situation. He had not bonded T’Rea, and by law Sybok was hers to raise as she saw fit.
"You will still allow me to see him?" Sarek asked.
"Yes, I will allow you to see him,” T’Rea answered with a flat expression. “But he will be raised as my bond-mate's son."
Sarek nodded. This was the best solution, of course, even if it was not the most agreeable. Sybok would have better opportunities if he was raised as the son of a bonded pair. This knowledge, however, did not quell Sarek’s displeasure. Knowing that Amanda was waiting for him on Earth gave him the strength to remain calm in this difficult situation.
Illogical as it seemed, spending time in Amanda’s presence gave him a peace that he had sorely missed since his return to Vulcan.
=^=
Here we stand
World's apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you
=^=
Amanda felt rather silly waiting for her ex-boyfriend at the space port. He was always the one that got away. Their time together had been the best of her life and then it came to an abrupt end when Sarek had to return to Vulcan for some personal business. It had bothered her a little that he never told her what it was, but she got over it when she realized that it was tearing him apart to leave her.
During those last few days, he had gazed at her so wistfully that, if he hadn’t been Vulcan, she would have sworn that he was close to tears. He touched her tenderly and held her as if he were trying to memorize the feel of her. Then he left her at the space port.
Amanda spent so many sleepless nights thinking of him. It was only after they parted that she realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Sarek. His absence had been a shock at first, and she kept expecting to see him, making a mental list of things that she was going to tell him. Before, their almost daily communications had never been enough, always over too soon. Even now, nearly two years later, she almost felt physical pain each time she thought of him. Amanda had felt incomplete, as if Sarek had taken half of her broken heart with him to Vulcan.
The sad memories fled from her mind when she saw him exit the transport. Her heart felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest. Sarek was back! She had planned to hail him formally with the ta’al and the Vulcan greeting that she had been practicing, but to hell with that.
Amanda ran towards Sarek and threw herself at him. She clung to him and felt his arms wrap around her, holding her just as tightly. After a few moments, he released one of his hands and touched her face. She realized then that she was crying; she was so happy to see him. He stared at her, mesmerized as he caressed her cheek, wiping away her tears and touching her if making sure she was real.
He tilted her chin up and bent down, bringing his lips to hers. He kissed her with abandon, in front of the whole world, and Amanda didn’t care. She returned the kiss with fervor, ignoring the stares she was sure they were getting. When they pulled apart to breathe, he stroked her face again. If his eyes were just a little bit shiny and his face not quite so stoic, well, Amanda wouldn’t say anything. She grinned as she pulled him away from the crowd to her transport.
=^=
Having Amanda at his side again felt surreal. He gripped her hand, reluctant to lose contact with her. Sarek could not get enough of her mind which seemed to have become so much brighter in his absence. Before he had thought her mind was like a supernova, but now it was like witnessing several stars being born out of its remnants. Each thought was breathtaking in its beauty, and he constantly looked down at her in wonder.
That first night, they spent hours in each other’s arms, talking. They fell into easy conversation as if they had never been apart. However, the way they clung to each other indicated just how keenly they both remembered their painful separation, and neither desired to repeat the experience ever again. Amanda fell asleep against Sarek’s chest while he was still talking, and he could not be bothered to see the logic of waking her up. He spent the rest of night watching over her and touching her hair to make sure that she would not illogically disappear. Meditation could not bring the same peace that gazing down at Amanda gave him.
He knew that it would not be easy to be together. However, that night reminded him of how important she was to him. In the morning, he knew that they could face it their worlds together.
=^=
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways
=^=
“You would ask me for permission to bond with an outworlder, Sarek?” T’Pau asked with a peaked brow. “It is not the Vulcan way.”
Sarek considered how best to answer her. There was no room in the Vulcan way for a marriage of preference. He could argue how well-matched Amanda was to him intellectually, how she challenged his preconceptions, inspired him to grow beyond what he was, to become a better version of himself. He could argue that his time with her had made him understand the nature of his people more clearly; his respect for the Vulcan way was greater because of their association. He could make all these arguments and more, but it would not be the truth. Sarek was marrying Amanda for love, and that was a reason that he knew T’Pau could not accept.
“As ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to observe and understand human behavior. Marrying Miss Grayson is logical,” Sarek explained, bringing his eyes to T’Pau’s. “I am not requesting your permission. I am merely making you aware of my intentions.”
T’Pau’s eyes widened. “You would take this komihn as wife against your family’s wishes?”
Sarek kept his gaze steady. “If I must.”
“Marry her the human way, then.” T’Pau gave him an indifferent wave of her hand. “But know that your bond with her will not be ratified on Vulcan. She will not have a place among us.”
Sarek found that unacceptable. He was determined that Amanda be given her full rights as his wife. “For one who helped bring the true teachings of Surak to our people,” he replied in an even tone, “you are intimately aware of his most basic precept: infinite diversity in infinite combinations. You must concede that accepting Amanda Grayson as my wife is in accordance with the Vulcan way.”
T’Pau’s lips became a thin line, and Sarek knew that he had won the argument.
=^=
The ground was hard and warm underneath Amanda as she knelt across from Sarek. Her heart fluttered as he brought his right hand toward her, his first two fingers extended. She hesitated only a few seconds before mimicking the gesture. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous; they had already been married on Earth in a wedding large enough to make the media happy. The ceremony on Vulcan was to be a quiet affair with only their immediate families in attendance, and yet somehow, she found it more nerve-wracking.
When she touched her fingers to his, she felt his affection for her seep through the contact, and she blushed.
“There is still time for you to declare Kalifee if you are having second thoughts,” Sarek murmured, his brow quirked in the way that meant he was teasing. “However, I would ask that you choose a champion that I could easily best.”
Amanda laughed, and Sarek’s amusement buzzed against her fingertips. “I declare Kalifarr, beloved,” she whispered, “for now and always.” Her heart swelled as they looked at each other.
The aged priestess stepped forward and spoke. “What you are about to see comes down from the time of the Beginning,” she said in Sarek’s native tongue, “This is the Vulcan heart, this is the Vulcan soul-this is our way.” She placed her fingers against Amanda’s cheek and temple, and did the same for Sarek.
Suddenly, the gentle hum of Sarek’s presence became amplified a hundredfold. She was overwhelmed by the color of his passion, the fire of his desire, the vice-like grip of his possessiveness and the brilliant light of his love. He had told her that for his people emotions run deep underneath the calm of logic, but his warning now seemed like the understatement of the century.
It is too much. When she heard his words in her mind, Amanda realized that she was weeping. She felt him begin to withdraw.
No! She wasn’t sure if she had sent the word across their newly formed bond or spoken it out loud. She reached for Sarek’s mind and drew him back. Your love is greatest gift you could ever give me, Husband.
Amanda laughed once more as she was swept away in the swell of their shared joy.
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways