SHIP WARS: Prompt 6! ENTRY: Team McChekov!
Title: Still Crazy (after all these years)
Ship: McChekov
Authors: casspeach and gblvr
Rating: G/PG
Warnings: Gooey and delicious
Disclaimer: Not ours, we're only playing with them.
Prompt: Love is a temporary madness. -St Augustine
T plus half a century
The first clue Pavel had that his husband had arrived at the Academy Medical Center was the nurse disturbing him from what was most definitely not a nap with an irritated 'you can't just.... Dr McCoy. Sir, please.'
Pavel cracked an eye open to find, as he'd more or less expected, that Leonard was scrolling through his records on the biobed screen. He waved a hand.
"I don't mind," he said. Leonard had been his CMO before he'd been anything else, after all, and nothing was likely to put the man's mind at rest as quickly as reading the file.
"See?" Leonard said said, scowling at the nurse with eyebrows turned white with age, but no less expressive for that. "The kid doesn't mind."
Pavel saw the nurse's own brow crease in surprise at 'kid' to describe the Academy's foremost expert on transporter theory, but she was professional enough not to comment.
"Hey, darlin', didn't mean to wake you," Leonard drawled over the nurse's spluttered complaints about confidentiality.
Pavel scowled. "You didn't wake me," he said. "I was merely resting my eyes for a moment."
Leonard looked skeptical, but advancing age had taught him at least a little discretion it seemed, and he didn't press the matter. He also didn't go back to the readout. Instead he brushed Pavel's hair back from his face, somewhat unnecessarily, given how his curls had receded with the years, but Pavel couldn't find it in himself to object. Leonard looked...well, like Pavel suspected he must have looked himself when Leonard had that scare a few years back. Completely terrified, in other words. In a way he'd never seen the man look during any of the Enterprise's missions. He touched his hand to Leonard's.
"I'm all right," he said gently. "Really. It was nothing."
"It's all over campus that you collapsed."
"I didn't collapse. The room was hot, and lunch was too heavy, and the speaker was dull-"
"So you fell asleep?" Leonard chided, turning back to the biobed readout.
"Yes, fine, I fell asleep," Pavel agreed irritably. "Everyone panicked, and as usual, of course they couldn't possibly listen to me when I said I was fine, I had to get carted off here and poked and prodded, because everyone is terrified of missing anything, and you know whose fault all of this is? Yours, that's whose. Keeping me up all night and having such a scary reputation. So, now I would like you to use your powers for good, and get me out of here."
Leonard grumbled a bit, his usual disclaimer about 'back here so fast our feet'll catch light' if he wasn't happy Pavel was okay later, but pretty soon they were leaving the center.
Pavel slipped his hand into Leonard's, happy to get a reciprocal squeeze.
"I really am all right," he said quietly. Sometimes it was a little frustrating to be worried over so when he'd proven himself tougher than he looked so many times, but it felt churlish to object that he was cared for too much.
"Well, you better be. I'm not ready yet."
* * *
T plus twenty three and a half years
Pavel adjusted the fit of his collar and checked his watch for the third time.
"You didn't have to come," Leonard groused, voice terse with anxiety, and completely misinterpreting Pavel's attention to timekeeping.
"Of course I did."
"No, I mean it. It's gonna be a long ceremony. I'm sure you'd rather be in the lab. Aren't you working on something groundbreaking like usual?"
Pavel sighed and shook his head, crossing the ornate room to where Leonard was struggling manfully into his own regalia. He shooed Leonard's hands away and applied himself to fastening up the intricate robe.
"My students are hand-picked and perfectly capable of not breaking my experiments if I leave them unsupervised for one day. And you are extremely lucky that I am not easily offended." He pressed his mouth to Leonard's - a chaste kiss, comforting and familiar-his fingers still tucked in the folds of the ceremonial garb they both wore. "But of course you are right. I am here only because I remain unreasonably infatuated with you."
Leonard frowned, and Pavel kissed away the crease of his brow. "I only meant-"
"That I might not be able to sit still for an entire Qifarr wedding service? It is an understandable concern. It's not as if I have ever been to any protracted alien ceremonies before, after all. Not in any of my thirty years in Starfleet."
"But this isn't work. This is-"
"The wedding of your daughter. A young woman I have considered to be a part of my family for over two decades, not to mention an opportunity to spend the day with you with neither one of us likely to be called away except for the very direst of emergencies." Pavel spared a moment to think about the possibility of returning to the Academy to find his lab, or perhaps more likely the entire astrophysics complex, a smoking crater in the ground. But he did trust his students. They were no more likely to tear a hole in the fabric of reality than he was himself. "Ah, but perhaps you think I am only using today to fuel my de Clerambaut's syndrome. Deluding myself that I am married to the great and famous Doctor Leonard McCoy, and have been for eighteen years."
"All right, all right," Leonard groused, reluctant smile breaking across his face. He tasted of coffee and the sweet spiced pastries the bridal party had been given for breakfast when he circled Pavel's waist and pulled him in for a proper kiss. "You win. I'm an ass, an offensive one at that. And you need to stay out of my antique textbooks."
Pavel leaned his head against the bulk of Leonard's shoulder where it met his neck. "I can't help it if I'm a genius and need constant stimulation," he complained, nosing the fabric aside to mouth at the skin over Leonard's pulse. But he was lying. All these years and he'd never once been bored. "You should keep me better occupied."
"God, Pasha," Leonard growled, the deep rough timbre of his voice belying his words. "I'm an old man. I can't keep up with you."
Pavel rolled his eyes. "This is no more true now than it was the first time you said it to me," he said. It was a familiar groove, a rut worn deep with repeated travel over the years, and held less of a sting than it had, even if Pavel could still remember the fear he'd had that when Leonard said 'I'm too old' he'd really meant 'you're too young'. "However, it has taken me over an hour to get into these robes, and you are still not dressed, and Joanna will be here any moment for you to walk her down the aisle and give her away. So perhaps, just this once, I will give you a rain check."
"I'm gonna hold you to that," Leonard promised, and Pavel smiled and stepped back.
He brushed out the folds of his robe, and went back to fastening Leonard into his.
"I hope you realize there is nowhere else in the entire universe I would rather be than right here and right now," he said when he was done.
Leonard's mouth quirked - apology and self-deprecation, amusement and affection all easily discerned in the expression, at least to those who knew to look. He was interrupted before he had a chance to give voice to his thoughts.
"Well, where the hell else would you wanna be?" Joanna McCoy called from the doorway. "Wedding of the century, here."
They both turned to look at her, and Pavel felt pure happiness swell his heart like it couldn't be contained by his ribs. It echoed the way he'd felt on his own wedding day, and the memory made his smile widen until it almost hurt. He squeezed when Leonard slipped a hand into his, too overcome to speak for a moment.
"You look gorgeous, darlin'. Just beautiful," Leonard said, all choked up and clinging tight to Pavel like he might drift away without the anchor of their twined hands. "I'm so proud of you."
Joanna grinned, looking for a moment like the girl Pavel had first met-so anxious about it he had thought he might actually puke - despite the elaborate matrimonial outfit she was wearing. She leaned forward carefully to let Leonard press a kiss to her cheek and whisper a 'thank you'. When she pulled back she looked around in an exaggerated fashion and put her hand to her mouth.
"Oh now, I forgot my order of service. It's in my room."
Pavel opened his mouth to offer to go, but Joanna caught his eye and gave a minute shake of her head.
He raised an eyebrow at her once Leonard had left.
"I just wanted a moment with you, is all," she said. "And now that I've got it I don't know where to start. I'm glad you're here. For Dad, of course, but for me as well. I remember your wedding, you know, and I promised myself I wouldn't marry anyone who didn't make me feel as happy as you looked that day. And now here I am, and I know Dad doesn't like Q'linn-"
"It isn't that," Pavel interrupted, because he couldn't stand to see Leonard misrepresented, especially not on so important a point. "It's just...you're his baby. He wants you to be happy."
"I am happy with Q'linn."
"And as long as you stay that way, everything will be okay," Pavel said. He didn't mention the elaborate plans he and Leonard had made for disposing of the body should Joanna ever express unhappiness.
Joanna held up a manicured and painted hand. "Save it. We've already had the 'hurt her and die' speech from Dad. I don't need to hear it from you as well. Trust me, Q'linn knows."
Pavel nodded. "He really is very proud of you," he said, unnecessarily because surely Joanna must know. "We both are." He put a hand on each of her shoulders and pulled her in for as close to a hug as they could get around her regalia. "I truly hope you will be as happy as I am."
Joanna batted at him with one hand, careful not to smudge the paint on it, every inch the Southern Belle for a moment. "Oh now stop it, you're gonna make me cry, and I'll ruin my make-up and it's taken me all morning to get looking this pretty."
Leonard returned then, clutching the purposefully-forgotten scroll containing Joanna's order of service, and the moment was lost, so Pavel didn't get to point out how sure he was that it was genetically impossible for Joanna to be anything but beautiful.
"I can't believe my little girl's gotten married," Leonard said later, dancing with Pavel at the reception and ever so slightly the worse for drink and emotion. "She looks so beautiful, doesn't she?"
"Yes, she does," Pavel agreed, leaning his head on Leonard's shoulder. "I almost wonder if I didn't choose the wrong McCoy after all."
Leonard snorted, not at all attractively, and turned his head to kiss Pavel's temple. "No you don't," he murmured.
Pavel felt a flash of triumph, but it was extinguished mere moments later by Leonard's next words.
"But then that's 'cause you're crazy," he slurred. "Luckily for me."
* * *
T plus eleven years, three months and two days
"If you don't want to go, just say you don't want to go," Pavel said, tone clipped and tight so Leonard knew he hadn't been successful in his attempt to paint the trip to Russia as a fun thing for Pavel to do alone. "I don't care. Well, I do care, of course I do, this is a very important thing for me and I would like you to be there, but not if it's going to be miserable for you," he shrugged, despondent, all of the excitement and joy of a moment ago vanished. "Which it will be, of course, because you hate Russia."
"I don't hate Russia," Leonard objected.
Pavel raised both eyebrows and glared.
"Please. Whenever we go you complain about the food, you complain about the weather, you complain that vodka is not as good as bourbon."
"Well, it's not," Leonard interrupted, but Pavel was on a roll.
"You complain about the transportation system, about people not understanding your Russian, and laughing at your accent, about-"
"Pasha." Leonard put a hand on each of Pavel's shoulders and squeezed to cut him off. "I complain about everything. Everything. "
And Christ he'd never even considered that Pavel might find that a little wearing. What had Jocelyn said during their divorce proceedings? 'Len's glass is half full all right, but it's half full of rancid piss'. Maybe Pavel was getting sick of him, just like she had.
Pavel shrugged, resigned. "Well, maybe it just hurts more when you're complaining about Russia then," he said in a small voice that made Leonard feel like even more of a shit than he already did.
He didn't really know what to say to make it better, so he figured he'd try the truth.
"Look, soon enough you'll be stuck on the ship with me again for five years-"
"Stuck?" Pavel objected, but Leonard ignored him. In truth, he was looking forward to the end of this protracted shore leave, couldn't wait to get back on the Enterprise with her limited personnel who knew him and his foibles well, but Pavel was gregarious and made friends easily.
"You're twenty-eight years old. You're getting a medal for being a brilliant Russian. I just figured you might prefer to celebrate with other brilliant young Russians, than my complaining-ass self, is all."
"You actually think I would prefer the company of people I share only my country of birth with than.... Oh Leonard." Pavel ran his hand through his hair, and his shoulders slumped. "Is this more of this ridiculous thing you have that I'm going to leave you?"
"No," Leonard insisted, because he really hadn't thought it was, but thinking about it now, maybe it was less that he thought Pavel might like to socialize and more that he himself didn't want to have to be there, watching and thinking how much better Pavel fit with all those young, brave heroes. "I don't know. Maybe."
Pavel sighed, pacing to the other side of the room to sit down with his head in his hands. There was silence for a long moment, and it felt loaded. Leonard was afraid to speak, for fear of making everything even worse
"Is this how you feel?" Pavel asked eventually, lifting his head to pin Leonard with his gaze.
"Uh?" Leonard managed, because hadn't he said he didn't know already? And how was it fair that he always seemed to be the one who ended up feeling like a clueless teenager in this relationship?
"That you will soon be 'stuck with me' for another five years? Like the Enterprise is a prison ship."
"You know I don't," Leonard said, although in truth he was having to hope like hell it was true. "But I'm holed up in the medical center and really only seeing you, Jim and Christine. You, you're out partying and networking, meeting new people. I just figured you'd have it harder once we're back on board."
He got a half-sympathetic, half-exasperated, sigh for his trouble.
"I'm on shore leave," Pavel explained patiently. "So I am making the most of it. It's like winter holidays. You eat so much you feel you will burst, and meet up with family and watch stupid sentimental holovids, and, for a week, it's fun, but you wouldn't want to live like it all the time." He shook his head, leave-length curls bobbing with the movement of his head, and crossed back to Leonard and cupped both hands around his face. "I wouldn't want to live like this all the time," he said slowly.
Leonard nodded, feeling stupid, and turned his head to press a kiss of remorse and apology to Pavel's palm. He got a proper kiss in response, Pavel's mouth warm and inviting, absolution for all his sins in the touch of it to his own.
"I'm sorry," he said, when they drew apart. "I'll come to Russia if you want me to."
"Of course I want you to. I want to be awarded my medal and know that you're watching, and I will pretend to myself that you're so proud of me you can't stand it, even though I will know you are just wondering when the ceremony will be over."
"Hey!" Leonard objected. "I am proud of you. Don't ever think I'm not. It was never that I didn't want to come to the ceremony. I just honestly thought you'd have a better time without me. You know how I feel about diplomatic events."
Pavel grinned. "That's okay," he said. "I suspect we will sneak off early anyway because you won't be able to resist me in my dress uniform."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you reckon?"
Pavel shook his head. "I know," he said gravely. "Captain Kirk advised me of the fact that heroes get laid more often - this is why he joined Starfleet - my only hope is that you can keep up with me."
Leonard didn't think that was going to be too much of a problem. Pavel really did look good all dressed and polished with his chest full of medals and ribbons.
"Maybe I should get in training now," he said, just for the joy of watching Pavel's smile heat.
"Maybe," Pavel agreed, already tugging Leonard towards the bedroom.
Afterward, tangled up in sheets and Pavel's long limbs, and still recovering from a thorough demonstration of just how much Pavel really did enjoy his company, Leonard felt foolish for ever having doubted. He was weighing up whether to apologize again when Pavel burrowed into his arms and kissed the tip of his nose.
"I am going to have to ask you not to tell me what I think in future," he said, making himself comfortable in his usual sprawl across Leonard's chest. "There has never been documented evidence of telepathy in humans, so to think you know my thoughts suggests some kind of...psychotic break, I think it is called. Of course I am a navigator, not a doctor."
Leonard could hear the grin in his expression, didn't lift his head to see it. "Smartass," he grumbled, tightening his arms around Pavel like that would keep him here forever. Just a little bit longer, he prayed. Just let it last a little while longer.
* * *
T plus one month, one day and fourteen hours
"Kid, I don't know why you want an old man like me, when you could-"
"You are not old." Pavel hadn't even finished before Leonard snorted and turned away. "Stop running away from me, Leonard."
Something about his tone of voice stopped Leonard from walking away, but he didn't turn around, even when he heard Pavel cross the room to stand behind him.
"I am not a child. I do not need you to protect me from myself, or from you, or from anyone else." Pavel wrapped himself around Leonard, one arm around his waist, one arm over his shoulder and the whole compact length of him pressed tight against Leonard's back, before he continued, "I know what I want, and I will not stop until I get it."
"You seem awfully sure that I'm going to give in and let you have whatever it is you want from me."
Pavel squeezed Leonard tightly, then slid around to face him. He ducked down a little to catch Leonard's eye, and Leonard saw the damned brat was practically laughing and really, that was it - who did the little shit think he was? God's gift to bitter, divorced doctors?
"Now just a damn minute! You can't just - mmph." Whatever he was going to say was muffled when Pavel stretched up on his toes and pressed a kiss against Leonard's mouth. When he tried to pull away, to breathe, to collect his thoughts and his wits, Pavel just twined his fingers into Leonard's hair and held on, kissing him harder.
When they finally broke apart, they were both smiling, even though Leonard groused a bit about spoiled brats who wouldn't take no for an answer. Pavel just grinned wider and said, "That is why you will be happy. I will make sure of it."
"Delusions of grandeur," Leonard muttered. "Not to mention of influence." He hadn't meant for Pavel to hear him, but the kid was, well, a kid, with a young man's hearing. "You can't make someone else be happy," Leonard explained, and Lord knew, he'd tried.
Pavel nodded, expression turning serious for a moment, but he took to being told something was impossible about as well as the captain. "No," he said. "Perhaps not. But I can do everything in my power to give you the opportunity to be happy."
"Yeah?" Leonard laughed bitterly, well aware that was exactly the same thing, with exactly the same problem. "For how long?"
"For as long as I am able," he got back, with a shrug that suggested that was obvious.
Leonard figured that was something he could live with. He appreciated that Pavel hadn't claimed forever. He hated to be lied to.
* * *
T plus a few minutes
Leonard leaned against the door of his quarters as soon as it hissed shut and heaved a sigh, eyes closed.
This was a bad idea.
He'd known it was a bad idea, even before he'd known he was going to say yes. He'd let himself be flattered by the kid's attentions, the clumsy way he flirted, before he'd realized that Chekov was seriously asking him out, he'd even managed to wheedle something approaching a corsage out of the botanists, or Sulu, most likely, as if he was inviting Leonard to fucking prom.
Leonard had gone temporarily insane. That was the only possible explanation for it. The only possible reason that he could still feel the ghost memory of the kid's mouth on his own, inexperienced and smiling, sealing the deal with a kiss.
"You mean like a date?" Leonard had said, scoffing. Sure he'd thought about taking the kid to bed, or maybe just taking him - in sickbay, on the bridge, in the goddamn mess, anywhere - he doubted there was anyone on the ship who hadn't, but not-
"Yes!" Chekov had answered, smiling so wide it had to hurt, like Leonard'd already said yes, like this was anything but a crazy wrong terrible idea. "Exactly like a date. I have researched American courting customs in detail, both current and historic. I think it will be very fun."
And Leonard, whatever everyone else thought - everyone except, apparently their whiz-kid first-string navigator - wasn't actually so much of a bastard that he could stomp all over the kid's bright shiny happiness.
So he'd said 'sure, why not?', and Chekov had leaned forward and kissed him, chapped lips and sharp teeth and so much enthusiasm that Leonard couldn't help but get swept along by it.
So okay. One date. That ought to be enough for the kid to get it out of his system. To realize that whatever crazy-ass crush he had on his CMO wasn't going to survive the reality of spending time with him.
Nothing did.
Leonard couldn't even pretend to believe it might, and that was why he didn't do this. Didn't date. Dating was akin to saying 'I might be able to see forever with you' and those scales had fallen from Leonard's eyes a damn long time ago. However much he might have wanted to grow old and die still basking in the warmth of what he was pretty sure was genuine affection on Pavel's part. The world just didn't work that way. Not even when the person you loved stood up with you in front of everyone you knew and cared about and promised it would.
Being in love was fun. Bright, crazy, delusions of invincibility-inducing fun.
But it didn't last.
Ship: McChekov
Authors: casspeach and gblvr
Rating: G/PG
Warnings: Gooey and delicious
Disclaimer: Not ours, we're only playing with them.
Prompt: Love is a temporary madness. -St Augustine
T plus half a century
The first clue Pavel had that his husband had arrived at the Academy Medical Center was the nurse disturbing him from what was most definitely not a nap with an irritated 'you can't just.... Dr McCoy. Sir, please.'
Pavel cracked an eye open to find, as he'd more or less expected, that Leonard was scrolling through his records on the biobed screen. He waved a hand.
"I don't mind," he said. Leonard had been his CMO before he'd been anything else, after all, and nothing was likely to put the man's mind at rest as quickly as reading the file.
"See?" Leonard said said, scowling at the nurse with eyebrows turned white with age, but no less expressive for that. "The kid doesn't mind."
Pavel saw the nurse's own brow crease in surprise at 'kid' to describe the Academy's foremost expert on transporter theory, but she was professional enough not to comment.
"Hey, darlin', didn't mean to wake you," Leonard drawled over the nurse's spluttered complaints about confidentiality.
Pavel scowled. "You didn't wake me," he said. "I was merely resting my eyes for a moment."
Leonard looked skeptical, but advancing age had taught him at least a little discretion it seemed, and he didn't press the matter. He also didn't go back to the readout. Instead he brushed Pavel's hair back from his face, somewhat unnecessarily, given how his curls had receded with the years, but Pavel couldn't find it in himself to object. Leonard looked...well, like Pavel suspected he must have looked himself when Leonard had that scare a few years back. Completely terrified, in other words. In a way he'd never seen the man look during any of the Enterprise's missions. He touched his hand to Leonard's.
"I'm all right," he said gently. "Really. It was nothing."
"It's all over campus that you collapsed."
"I didn't collapse. The room was hot, and lunch was too heavy, and the speaker was dull-"
"So you fell asleep?" Leonard chided, turning back to the biobed readout.
"Yes, fine, I fell asleep," Pavel agreed irritably. "Everyone panicked, and as usual, of course they couldn't possibly listen to me when I said I was fine, I had to get carted off here and poked and prodded, because everyone is terrified of missing anything, and you know whose fault all of this is? Yours, that's whose. Keeping me up all night and having such a scary reputation. So, now I would like you to use your powers for good, and get me out of here."
Leonard grumbled a bit, his usual disclaimer about 'back here so fast our feet'll catch light' if he wasn't happy Pavel was okay later, but pretty soon they were leaving the center.
Pavel slipped his hand into Leonard's, happy to get a reciprocal squeeze.
"I really am all right," he said quietly. Sometimes it was a little frustrating to be worried over so when he'd proven himself tougher than he looked so many times, but it felt churlish to object that he was cared for too much.
"Well, you better be. I'm not ready yet."
* * *
T plus twenty three and a half years
Pavel adjusted the fit of his collar and checked his watch for the third time.
"You didn't have to come," Leonard groused, voice terse with anxiety, and completely misinterpreting Pavel's attention to timekeeping.
"Of course I did."
"No, I mean it. It's gonna be a long ceremony. I'm sure you'd rather be in the lab. Aren't you working on something groundbreaking like usual?"
Pavel sighed and shook his head, crossing the ornate room to where Leonard was struggling manfully into his own regalia. He shooed Leonard's hands away and applied himself to fastening up the intricate robe.
"My students are hand-picked and perfectly capable of not breaking my experiments if I leave them unsupervised for one day. And you are extremely lucky that I am not easily offended." He pressed his mouth to Leonard's - a chaste kiss, comforting and familiar-his fingers still tucked in the folds of the ceremonial garb they both wore. "But of course you are right. I am here only because I remain unreasonably infatuated with you."
Leonard frowned, and Pavel kissed away the crease of his brow. "I only meant-"
"That I might not be able to sit still for an entire Qifarr wedding service? It is an understandable concern. It's not as if I have ever been to any protracted alien ceremonies before, after all. Not in any of my thirty years in Starfleet."
"But this isn't work. This is-"
"The wedding of your daughter. A young woman I have considered to be a part of my family for over two decades, not to mention an opportunity to spend the day with you with neither one of us likely to be called away except for the very direst of emergencies." Pavel spared a moment to think about the possibility of returning to the Academy to find his lab, or perhaps more likely the entire astrophysics complex, a smoking crater in the ground. But he did trust his students. They were no more likely to tear a hole in the fabric of reality than he was himself. "Ah, but perhaps you think I am only using today to fuel my de Clerambaut's syndrome. Deluding myself that I am married to the great and famous Doctor Leonard McCoy, and have been for eighteen years."
"All right, all right," Leonard groused, reluctant smile breaking across his face. He tasted of coffee and the sweet spiced pastries the bridal party had been given for breakfast when he circled Pavel's waist and pulled him in for a proper kiss. "You win. I'm an ass, an offensive one at that. And you need to stay out of my antique textbooks."
Pavel leaned his head against the bulk of Leonard's shoulder where it met his neck. "I can't help it if I'm a genius and need constant stimulation," he complained, nosing the fabric aside to mouth at the skin over Leonard's pulse. But he was lying. All these years and he'd never once been bored. "You should keep me better occupied."
"God, Pasha," Leonard growled, the deep rough timbre of his voice belying his words. "I'm an old man. I can't keep up with you."
Pavel rolled his eyes. "This is no more true now than it was the first time you said it to me," he said. It was a familiar groove, a rut worn deep with repeated travel over the years, and held less of a sting than it had, even if Pavel could still remember the fear he'd had that when Leonard said 'I'm too old' he'd really meant 'you're too young'. "However, it has taken me over an hour to get into these robes, and you are still not dressed, and Joanna will be here any moment for you to walk her down the aisle and give her away. So perhaps, just this once, I will give you a rain check."
"I'm gonna hold you to that," Leonard promised, and Pavel smiled and stepped back.
He brushed out the folds of his robe, and went back to fastening Leonard into his.
"I hope you realize there is nowhere else in the entire universe I would rather be than right here and right now," he said when he was done.
Leonard's mouth quirked - apology and self-deprecation, amusement and affection all easily discerned in the expression, at least to those who knew to look. He was interrupted before he had a chance to give voice to his thoughts.
"Well, where the hell else would you wanna be?" Joanna McCoy called from the doorway. "Wedding of the century, here."
They both turned to look at her, and Pavel felt pure happiness swell his heart like it couldn't be contained by his ribs. It echoed the way he'd felt on his own wedding day, and the memory made his smile widen until it almost hurt. He squeezed when Leonard slipped a hand into his, too overcome to speak for a moment.
"You look gorgeous, darlin'. Just beautiful," Leonard said, all choked up and clinging tight to Pavel like he might drift away without the anchor of their twined hands. "I'm so proud of you."
Joanna grinned, looking for a moment like the girl Pavel had first met-so anxious about it he had thought he might actually puke - despite the elaborate matrimonial outfit she was wearing. She leaned forward carefully to let Leonard press a kiss to her cheek and whisper a 'thank you'. When she pulled back she looked around in an exaggerated fashion and put her hand to her mouth.
"Oh now, I forgot my order of service. It's in my room."
Pavel opened his mouth to offer to go, but Joanna caught his eye and gave a minute shake of her head.
He raised an eyebrow at her once Leonard had left.
"I just wanted a moment with you, is all," she said. "And now that I've got it I don't know where to start. I'm glad you're here. For Dad, of course, but for me as well. I remember your wedding, you know, and I promised myself I wouldn't marry anyone who didn't make me feel as happy as you looked that day. And now here I am, and I know Dad doesn't like Q'linn-"
"It isn't that," Pavel interrupted, because he couldn't stand to see Leonard misrepresented, especially not on so important a point. "It's just...you're his baby. He wants you to be happy."
"I am happy with Q'linn."
"And as long as you stay that way, everything will be okay," Pavel said. He didn't mention the elaborate plans he and Leonard had made for disposing of the body should Joanna ever express unhappiness.
Joanna held up a manicured and painted hand. "Save it. We've already had the 'hurt her and die' speech from Dad. I don't need to hear it from you as well. Trust me, Q'linn knows."
Pavel nodded. "He really is very proud of you," he said, unnecessarily because surely Joanna must know. "We both are." He put a hand on each of her shoulders and pulled her in for as close to a hug as they could get around her regalia. "I truly hope you will be as happy as I am."
Joanna batted at him with one hand, careful not to smudge the paint on it, every inch the Southern Belle for a moment. "Oh now stop it, you're gonna make me cry, and I'll ruin my make-up and it's taken me all morning to get looking this pretty."
Leonard returned then, clutching the purposefully-forgotten scroll containing Joanna's order of service, and the moment was lost, so Pavel didn't get to point out how sure he was that it was genetically impossible for Joanna to be anything but beautiful.
"I can't believe my little girl's gotten married," Leonard said later, dancing with Pavel at the reception and ever so slightly the worse for drink and emotion. "She looks so beautiful, doesn't she?"
"Yes, she does," Pavel agreed, leaning his head on Leonard's shoulder. "I almost wonder if I didn't choose the wrong McCoy after all."
Leonard snorted, not at all attractively, and turned his head to kiss Pavel's temple. "No you don't," he murmured.
Pavel felt a flash of triumph, but it was extinguished mere moments later by Leonard's next words.
"But then that's 'cause you're crazy," he slurred. "Luckily for me."
* * *
T plus eleven years, three months and two days
"If you don't want to go, just say you don't want to go," Pavel said, tone clipped and tight so Leonard knew he hadn't been successful in his attempt to paint the trip to Russia as a fun thing for Pavel to do alone. "I don't care. Well, I do care, of course I do, this is a very important thing for me and I would like you to be there, but not if it's going to be miserable for you," he shrugged, despondent, all of the excitement and joy of a moment ago vanished. "Which it will be, of course, because you hate Russia."
"I don't hate Russia," Leonard objected.
Pavel raised both eyebrows and glared.
"Please. Whenever we go you complain about the food, you complain about the weather, you complain that vodka is not as good as bourbon."
"Well, it's not," Leonard interrupted, but Pavel was on a roll.
"You complain about the transportation system, about people not understanding your Russian, and laughing at your accent, about-"
"Pasha." Leonard put a hand on each of Pavel's shoulders and squeezed to cut him off. "I complain about everything. Everything. "
And Christ he'd never even considered that Pavel might find that a little wearing. What had Jocelyn said during their divorce proceedings? 'Len's glass is half full all right, but it's half full of rancid piss'. Maybe Pavel was getting sick of him, just like she had.
Pavel shrugged, resigned. "Well, maybe it just hurts more when you're complaining about Russia then," he said in a small voice that made Leonard feel like even more of a shit than he already did.
He didn't really know what to say to make it better, so he figured he'd try the truth.
"Look, soon enough you'll be stuck on the ship with me again for five years-"
"Stuck?" Pavel objected, but Leonard ignored him. In truth, he was looking forward to the end of this protracted shore leave, couldn't wait to get back on the Enterprise with her limited personnel who knew him and his foibles well, but Pavel was gregarious and made friends easily.
"You're twenty-eight years old. You're getting a medal for being a brilliant Russian. I just figured you might prefer to celebrate with other brilliant young Russians, than my complaining-ass self, is all."
"You actually think I would prefer the company of people I share only my country of birth with than.... Oh Leonard." Pavel ran his hand through his hair, and his shoulders slumped. "Is this more of this ridiculous thing you have that I'm going to leave you?"
"No," Leonard insisted, because he really hadn't thought it was, but thinking about it now, maybe it was less that he thought Pavel might like to socialize and more that he himself didn't want to have to be there, watching and thinking how much better Pavel fit with all those young, brave heroes. "I don't know. Maybe."
Pavel sighed, pacing to the other side of the room to sit down with his head in his hands. There was silence for a long moment, and it felt loaded. Leonard was afraid to speak, for fear of making everything even worse
"Is this how you feel?" Pavel asked eventually, lifting his head to pin Leonard with his gaze.
"Uh?" Leonard managed, because hadn't he said he didn't know already? And how was it fair that he always seemed to be the one who ended up feeling like a clueless teenager in this relationship?
"That you will soon be 'stuck with me' for another five years? Like the Enterprise is a prison ship."
"You know I don't," Leonard said, although in truth he was having to hope like hell it was true. "But I'm holed up in the medical center and really only seeing you, Jim and Christine. You, you're out partying and networking, meeting new people. I just figured you'd have it harder once we're back on board."
He got a half-sympathetic, half-exasperated, sigh for his trouble.
"I'm on shore leave," Pavel explained patiently. "So I am making the most of it. It's like winter holidays. You eat so much you feel you will burst, and meet up with family and watch stupid sentimental holovids, and, for a week, it's fun, but you wouldn't want to live like it all the time." He shook his head, leave-length curls bobbing with the movement of his head, and crossed back to Leonard and cupped both hands around his face. "I wouldn't want to live like this all the time," he said slowly.
Leonard nodded, feeling stupid, and turned his head to press a kiss of remorse and apology to Pavel's palm. He got a proper kiss in response, Pavel's mouth warm and inviting, absolution for all his sins in the touch of it to his own.
"I'm sorry," he said, when they drew apart. "I'll come to Russia if you want me to."
"Of course I want you to. I want to be awarded my medal and know that you're watching, and I will pretend to myself that you're so proud of me you can't stand it, even though I will know you are just wondering when the ceremony will be over."
"Hey!" Leonard objected. "I am proud of you. Don't ever think I'm not. It was never that I didn't want to come to the ceremony. I just honestly thought you'd have a better time without me. You know how I feel about diplomatic events."
Pavel grinned. "That's okay," he said. "I suspect we will sneak off early anyway because you won't be able to resist me in my dress uniform."
Leonard raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you reckon?"
Pavel shook his head. "I know," he said gravely. "Captain Kirk advised me of the fact that heroes get laid more often - this is why he joined Starfleet - my only hope is that you can keep up with me."
Leonard didn't think that was going to be too much of a problem. Pavel really did look good all dressed and polished with his chest full of medals and ribbons.
"Maybe I should get in training now," he said, just for the joy of watching Pavel's smile heat.
"Maybe," Pavel agreed, already tugging Leonard towards the bedroom.
Afterward, tangled up in sheets and Pavel's long limbs, and still recovering from a thorough demonstration of just how much Pavel really did enjoy his company, Leonard felt foolish for ever having doubted. He was weighing up whether to apologize again when Pavel burrowed into his arms and kissed the tip of his nose.
"I am going to have to ask you not to tell me what I think in future," he said, making himself comfortable in his usual sprawl across Leonard's chest. "There has never been documented evidence of telepathy in humans, so to think you know my thoughts suggests some kind of...psychotic break, I think it is called. Of course I am a navigator, not a doctor."
Leonard could hear the grin in his expression, didn't lift his head to see it. "Smartass," he grumbled, tightening his arms around Pavel like that would keep him here forever. Just a little bit longer, he prayed. Just let it last a little while longer.
* * *
T plus one month, one day and fourteen hours
"Kid, I don't know why you want an old man like me, when you could-"
"You are not old." Pavel hadn't even finished before Leonard snorted and turned away. "Stop running away from me, Leonard."
Something about his tone of voice stopped Leonard from walking away, but he didn't turn around, even when he heard Pavel cross the room to stand behind him.
"I am not a child. I do not need you to protect me from myself, or from you, or from anyone else." Pavel wrapped himself around Leonard, one arm around his waist, one arm over his shoulder and the whole compact length of him pressed tight against Leonard's back, before he continued, "I know what I want, and I will not stop until I get it."
"You seem awfully sure that I'm going to give in and let you have whatever it is you want from me."
Pavel squeezed Leonard tightly, then slid around to face him. He ducked down a little to catch Leonard's eye, and Leonard saw the damned brat was practically laughing and really, that was it - who did the little shit think he was? God's gift to bitter, divorced doctors?
"Now just a damn minute! You can't just - mmph." Whatever he was going to say was muffled when Pavel stretched up on his toes and pressed a kiss against Leonard's mouth. When he tried to pull away, to breathe, to collect his thoughts and his wits, Pavel just twined his fingers into Leonard's hair and held on, kissing him harder.
When they finally broke apart, they were both smiling, even though Leonard groused a bit about spoiled brats who wouldn't take no for an answer. Pavel just grinned wider and said, "That is why you will be happy. I will make sure of it."
"Delusions of grandeur," Leonard muttered. "Not to mention of influence." He hadn't meant for Pavel to hear him, but the kid was, well, a kid, with a young man's hearing. "You can't make someone else be happy," Leonard explained, and Lord knew, he'd tried.
Pavel nodded, expression turning serious for a moment, but he took to being told something was impossible about as well as the captain. "No," he said. "Perhaps not. But I can do everything in my power to give you the opportunity to be happy."
"Yeah?" Leonard laughed bitterly, well aware that was exactly the same thing, with exactly the same problem. "For how long?"
"For as long as I am able," he got back, with a shrug that suggested that was obvious.
Leonard figured that was something he could live with. He appreciated that Pavel hadn't claimed forever. He hated to be lied to.
* * *
T plus a few minutes
Leonard leaned against the door of his quarters as soon as it hissed shut and heaved a sigh, eyes closed.
This was a bad idea.
He'd known it was a bad idea, even before he'd known he was going to say yes. He'd let himself be flattered by the kid's attentions, the clumsy way he flirted, before he'd realized that Chekov was seriously asking him out, he'd even managed to wheedle something approaching a corsage out of the botanists, or Sulu, most likely, as if he was inviting Leonard to fucking prom.
Leonard had gone temporarily insane. That was the only possible explanation for it. The only possible reason that he could still feel the ghost memory of the kid's mouth on his own, inexperienced and smiling, sealing the deal with a kiss.
"You mean like a date?" Leonard had said, scoffing. Sure he'd thought about taking the kid to bed, or maybe just taking him - in sickbay, on the bridge, in the goddamn mess, anywhere - he doubted there was anyone on the ship who hadn't, but not-
"Yes!" Chekov had answered, smiling so wide it had to hurt, like Leonard'd already said yes, like this was anything but a crazy wrong terrible idea. "Exactly like a date. I have researched American courting customs in detail, both current and historic. I think it will be very fun."
And Leonard, whatever everyone else thought - everyone except, apparently their whiz-kid first-string navigator - wasn't actually so much of a bastard that he could stomp all over the kid's bright shiny happiness.
So he'd said 'sure, why not?', and Chekov had leaned forward and kissed him, chapped lips and sharp teeth and so much enthusiasm that Leonard couldn't help but get swept along by it.
So okay. One date. That ought to be enough for the kid to get it out of his system. To realize that whatever crazy-ass crush he had on his CMO wasn't going to survive the reality of spending time with him.
Nothing did.
Leonard couldn't even pretend to believe it might, and that was why he didn't do this. Didn't date. Dating was akin to saying 'I might be able to see forever with you' and those scales had fallen from Leonard's eyes a damn long time ago. However much he might have wanted to grow old and die still basking in the warmth of what he was pretty sure was genuine affection on Pavel's part. The world just didn't work that way. Not even when the person you loved stood up with you in front of everyone you knew and cared about and promised it would.
Being in love was fun. Bright, crazy, delusions of invincibility-inducing fun.
But it didn't last.