Fic: Something More, Chapter Five
Something More, Chapter 5
Author: emn1936
Rating: Probable (eventual) R
Characters: Kirk, Uhura
Summary: She had come to reach a hard-earned respect for her commanding officer in the three months since they had been assigned to the Enterprise
Chapter Five
Kirk lifted his hands from the water and rubbed one wet palm over his forehead before covering his mouth with his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered from behind his hand. “I’ve gotta go.”
Uhura’s mouth gaped open as he heaved himself from the pool. She watched in confused silence as he gathered up his belongings and stalked quickly from the room.
Shaking her head in bewilderment, she climbed out of the pool and reached for her towel. She scrubbed it over her limbs and wrapping it around her body, sank onto the edge of the lounge chair as her mind replayed the last few minutes of their conversation.
Uhura didn’t know what she had expected to happen when she had invited him to join her tonight. Certainly, she had hoped to get him to talk, but she had never anticipated the confession he had given.
Mechanically, she began stuffing her belongings into her tote. “Crazy,” she mumbled as she folded the damp towel and pulled her cover-up over her head. Clenching her fingers around the handle of her tote, she marched out of the recreation area. It was time to set a few things straight.
********
She arrived at Kirk’s door a few moments later and immediately noted that he had engaged the do not disturb. Ignoring it, she pressed her thumb against the door chime. Unsurprised when there was no response, she pressed the button again, this time holding it down for several, long seconds.
Again, no response. She pursed her lips, and once again depressed the chime button, refusing to release it for a full sixty seconds; let go and when there was still no reply from within, she leaned into it once more. Another sixty seconds ticked by, bleeding into ninety, before his irritated voice sounded quietly over the intercom.
“Lieutenant.” His voice was proper, captain-like, bordering on frigid. “Unless this is a ship’s emergency, I’m sure anything else can wait until morning.”
She knew that he was likely watching her on the video screen near the door so she rolled her eyes, dropped her tote and made a show of leaning comfortably against the doorframe before casually lifting her thumb to the chime button. She smiled cheekily toward where she knew the camera was capturing her every move and blatantly checked the timepiece strapped to her wrist before raising a delicate hand to cover a feigned yawn. Her body language said ‘I can stay out here all night if necessary’ and one more time, she depressed the chime.
She knew it was impossible, but the pneumatic doors seemed to open with an irritated hiss. She carefully wiped any trace of a triumphant smile from her face and quickly slipped past his blocking body. A distant part of her noted that he had changed back into his jeans and t-shirt.
Hands on his hips, he stepped close and used his larger mass to try to intimidate her into backing down. Uhura simply shook her head and let out a soft sigh, refusing to give ground. Long seconds passed before the coiled tension in his body eased. His chin dropped towards his chest and his shoulders drooped.
“Lieutenant…” he began in a weary voice.
“Captain,” she interrupted. “Due respect, but what you said down there makes no sense.”
“You just can’t understand,” he began.
“No!” Once again, she cut him off. “That’s crazy!” she exclaimed. “Nero - and Nero alone - is to blame. “Not the Ambassador and certainly not you!”
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly. “I had all the information and I took too long to put it together. I should have started to figure it out when you mentioned that attack on the Klingon prison planet and their war birds,” he ground out bitterly. “But I was too busy plotting a way to beat the Kobayashi Maru. Too busy with Gaila. Too busy teasing you. Too busy screwing with the test administrators and then too busy worrying about how I was going to get myself out of the jam I found myself in after the test.”
Kirk rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and sighed. “You’re right when you say that I’m cocky and arrogant. I was so focused on being the only cadet to ever beat that test… If I had put it together sooner… the rest of the fleet would have been warned before they even left space dock. They could have had their shields up when they entered Vulcan space. They would have had their weapons ready. They might have stood a chance. Or we could have evacuated more people from Vulcan.”
“It’s my fault,” he insisted. “And I didn’t even have the courage to tell the Ambassador.”
Uhura’s face was a study in disbelief. She opened her mouth to disabuse him of his perceived guilt but he raised his hand in a chopping motion, cutting off anything she had to say.
“The Ambassador blames himself for not saving Romulus in time, for setting things into motion and I blame myself for not piecing it all together quickly enough and I know that I’m responsible. If I had just… if I was quicker… if I had stopped worrying about stupid things… maybe Spock’s mother would still be alive. Maybe Gaila and the rest of our classmates would still be alive. Maybe Vulcan would have been saved. Maybe you and Spock would still be together because he wouldn’t feel a pressing duty to help propagate the species. Maybe…
She stepped forward until their bodies were almost touching and clapped a hand over his mouth to stop the litany of insanity.
“It’s pure arrogance on your part to think you’re to blame,” she hissed. “Pike missed it. I missed it. Spock missed it. Starfleet missed it. Why should you…?
He yanked his head away from her hand. “Because it’s my story,” he snarled. “Some kids hear the story of their births and it goes something along the lines of ‘this time ten years ago, I was in the maternity ward of the medical bay. You were just born and your father and I were laughing and crying. I was holding you. It was the happiest moment of my life.’” He pinched his fingers against the bridge of his nose. “But my story is all about lightning storms in space and strange anomalies and a huge ship appearing out of nowhere and my mother watching my father die mere seconds after I had been placed in her arms.”
He placed his hands on her elbows and pushed his face into hers. “Do you understand what I’m saying?” he asked in a controlled growl. “This is the earliest story I ever remember hearing. It was told to me time and again. No one is more intimately familiar with it than I.” He shook his head. “You don’t want to hear it, but it is my fault.”
His gaze bore into hers and she was stunned by the desolation that dulled his normally sparkling eyes. “And if Starfleet ever realizes that I had all the pieces and that I was so consumed by my own petty concerns, I’ll lose everything. My rank. The Enterprise. Everything.”
“Stop!” she cried. “Listen to me. Just… listen.” She took a deep breath, hoping to break through to him.
“That part of you that you hate yourself for? That is the very best part of you.” She nodded vehemently when he would have protested. “The part of you that would not simply walk away from the Kobayashi Maru, the part that drove you to find a way to beat the test… the part of you that Spock and Starfleet and so many of the rest of us wanted to punish…? That is the same stubborn, never-say-never part of you that found a way to save the world.” Her fingers were wrapped tightly around his arms, her nails digging small crescent marks into his biceps as she sought desperately to make him hear her.
“You’re James T. Kirk. The brilliant, young captain of the Enterprise. The man who saved earth. Starfleet would be foolish to try to take all of that away from you.”
He shook his head in rapid and instinctive denial of his words.
“It’s true,” she insisted, giving him a hard shake to punctuate her words. “You told me that living up to people’s expectations of you was so impossible a task that you decided early in life not to even try,” she reminded him. “Well, Captain, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have exceeded their expectations.”
His eyes were closed in a defensive gesture but she knew he was listening and she continued to press her point home. “You never gave up,” she told him. “No matter what was done to you, no matter how hard Pike or Spock or McCoy or others tried to shut you up… you literally just kept coming back, convinced that you were right.”
She moved her mouth close to his ear. “You did not fail, Jim.” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper. “Your father saved eight hundred lives and is considered a hero. But your actions not only saved the lives of most of the crew of this ship, you saved the Earth, you saved the rest of the Federation and you destroyed the man responsible for your father’s death, for Spock’s mother’s death, for the destruction of the rest of the fleet and the genocide on Vulcan. You are a hero.”
His breath was coming in shallow, rapid pants but his head was cocked towards her and she was sure that she was starting to get through to him.
“I think you were born to be captain of this ship.” She took a deep breath and continued on. “Do you want to know a secret? I wanted to be assigned to the Enterprise since the first day I learned she was being commissioned. She’s the only ship I ever wanted to serve on. I was supposed to be on the Farragut when the distress call from Vulcan came in but I laid a guilt trip onto Spock forcing him to change my orders to the Enterprise.” She paused for a moment. “But after we got back… if they had not given Enterprise to you… I would not have wanted to serve on her under any captain other than you.”
He lifted his head sharply, his confused gaze focused on her.
“You’re young. You’re inexperienced. You make mistakes. But still… we all feel safe with you in command. I feel safe with you as captain. I feel invincible. I feel that there’s nothing this crew and this ship can’t do because you simply won’t accept any other option.”
His blue eyes were damp with unshed tears as he continued to stare at her. Her fiercely whispered words were a balm to the open wounds on his psyche. His lips parted as if to speak but the words were stuck behind the huge lump in his throat. Instead he closed his eyes and one tear broke free of his lashes to roll slowly down his cheek.
It was a toss-up as to who was more surprised by what happened next as Uhura gave in to impulse and sent her mouth sliding down the path left by that one tear. Her lips sponged up the salty droplet and lingered on the soft, vulnerable skin beneath his jaw. She heard him suck in a breath and then felt his pulse begin to hammer wildly against her lips and she felt a surge of power like she had never known before.
TBC
Author: emn1936
Rating: Probable (eventual) R
Characters: Kirk, Uhura
Summary: She had come to reach a hard-earned respect for her commanding officer in the three months since they had been assigned to the Enterprise
Chapter Five
Kirk lifted his hands from the water and rubbed one wet palm over his forehead before covering his mouth with his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered from behind his hand. “I’ve gotta go.”
Uhura’s mouth gaped open as he heaved himself from the pool. She watched in confused silence as he gathered up his belongings and stalked quickly from the room.
Shaking her head in bewilderment, she climbed out of the pool and reached for her towel. She scrubbed it over her limbs and wrapping it around her body, sank onto the edge of the lounge chair as her mind replayed the last few minutes of their conversation.
Uhura didn’t know what she had expected to happen when she had invited him to join her tonight. Certainly, she had hoped to get him to talk, but she had never anticipated the confession he had given.
Mechanically, she began stuffing her belongings into her tote. “Crazy,” she mumbled as she folded the damp towel and pulled her cover-up over her head. Clenching her fingers around the handle of her tote, she marched out of the recreation area. It was time to set a few things straight.
********
She arrived at Kirk’s door a few moments later and immediately noted that he had engaged the do not disturb. Ignoring it, she pressed her thumb against the door chime. Unsurprised when there was no response, she pressed the button again, this time holding it down for several, long seconds.
Again, no response. She pursed her lips, and once again depressed the chime button, refusing to release it for a full sixty seconds; let go and when there was still no reply from within, she leaned into it once more. Another sixty seconds ticked by, bleeding into ninety, before his irritated voice sounded quietly over the intercom.
“Lieutenant.” His voice was proper, captain-like, bordering on frigid. “Unless this is a ship’s emergency, I’m sure anything else can wait until morning.”
She knew that he was likely watching her on the video screen near the door so she rolled her eyes, dropped her tote and made a show of leaning comfortably against the doorframe before casually lifting her thumb to the chime button. She smiled cheekily toward where she knew the camera was capturing her every move and blatantly checked the timepiece strapped to her wrist before raising a delicate hand to cover a feigned yawn. Her body language said ‘I can stay out here all night if necessary’ and one more time, she depressed the chime.
She knew it was impossible, but the pneumatic doors seemed to open with an irritated hiss. She carefully wiped any trace of a triumphant smile from her face and quickly slipped past his blocking body. A distant part of her noted that he had changed back into his jeans and t-shirt.
Hands on his hips, he stepped close and used his larger mass to try to intimidate her into backing down. Uhura simply shook her head and let out a soft sigh, refusing to give ground. Long seconds passed before the coiled tension in his body eased. His chin dropped towards his chest and his shoulders drooped.
“Lieutenant…” he began in a weary voice.
“Captain,” she interrupted. “Due respect, but what you said down there makes no sense.”
“You just can’t understand,” he began.
“No!” Once again, she cut him off. “That’s crazy!” she exclaimed. “Nero - and Nero alone - is to blame. “Not the Ambassador and certainly not you!”
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly. “I had all the information and I took too long to put it together. I should have started to figure it out when you mentioned that attack on the Klingon prison planet and their war birds,” he ground out bitterly. “But I was too busy plotting a way to beat the Kobayashi Maru. Too busy with Gaila. Too busy teasing you. Too busy screwing with the test administrators and then too busy worrying about how I was going to get myself out of the jam I found myself in after the test.”
Kirk rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and sighed. “You’re right when you say that I’m cocky and arrogant. I was so focused on being the only cadet to ever beat that test… If I had put it together sooner… the rest of the fleet would have been warned before they even left space dock. They could have had their shields up when they entered Vulcan space. They would have had their weapons ready. They might have stood a chance. Or we could have evacuated more people from Vulcan.”
“It’s my fault,” he insisted. “And I didn’t even have the courage to tell the Ambassador.”
Uhura’s face was a study in disbelief. She opened her mouth to disabuse him of his perceived guilt but he raised his hand in a chopping motion, cutting off anything she had to say.
“The Ambassador blames himself for not saving Romulus in time, for setting things into motion and I blame myself for not piecing it all together quickly enough and I know that I’m responsible. If I had just… if I was quicker… if I had stopped worrying about stupid things… maybe Spock’s mother would still be alive. Maybe Gaila and the rest of our classmates would still be alive. Maybe Vulcan would have been saved. Maybe you and Spock would still be together because he wouldn’t feel a pressing duty to help propagate the species. Maybe…
She stepped forward until their bodies were almost touching and clapped a hand over his mouth to stop the litany of insanity.
“It’s pure arrogance on your part to think you’re to blame,” she hissed. “Pike missed it. I missed it. Spock missed it. Starfleet missed it. Why should you…?
He yanked his head away from her hand. “Because it’s my story,” he snarled. “Some kids hear the story of their births and it goes something along the lines of ‘this time ten years ago, I was in the maternity ward of the medical bay. You were just born and your father and I were laughing and crying. I was holding you. It was the happiest moment of my life.’” He pinched his fingers against the bridge of his nose. “But my story is all about lightning storms in space and strange anomalies and a huge ship appearing out of nowhere and my mother watching my father die mere seconds after I had been placed in her arms.”
He placed his hands on her elbows and pushed his face into hers. “Do you understand what I’m saying?” he asked in a controlled growl. “This is the earliest story I ever remember hearing. It was told to me time and again. No one is more intimately familiar with it than I.” He shook his head. “You don’t want to hear it, but it is my fault.”
His gaze bore into hers and she was stunned by the desolation that dulled his normally sparkling eyes. “And if Starfleet ever realizes that I had all the pieces and that I was so consumed by my own petty concerns, I’ll lose everything. My rank. The Enterprise. Everything.”
“Stop!” she cried. “Listen to me. Just… listen.” She took a deep breath, hoping to break through to him.
“That part of you that you hate yourself for? That is the very best part of you.” She nodded vehemently when he would have protested. “The part of you that would not simply walk away from the Kobayashi Maru, the part that drove you to find a way to beat the test… the part of you that Spock and Starfleet and so many of the rest of us wanted to punish…? That is the same stubborn, never-say-never part of you that found a way to save the world.” Her fingers were wrapped tightly around his arms, her nails digging small crescent marks into his biceps as she sought desperately to make him hear her.
“You’re James T. Kirk. The brilliant, young captain of the Enterprise. The man who saved earth. Starfleet would be foolish to try to take all of that away from you.”
He shook his head in rapid and instinctive denial of his words.
“It’s true,” she insisted, giving him a hard shake to punctuate her words. “You told me that living up to people’s expectations of you was so impossible a task that you decided early in life not to even try,” she reminded him. “Well, Captain, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have exceeded their expectations.”
His eyes were closed in a defensive gesture but she knew he was listening and she continued to press her point home. “You never gave up,” she told him. “No matter what was done to you, no matter how hard Pike or Spock or McCoy or others tried to shut you up… you literally just kept coming back, convinced that you were right.”
She moved her mouth close to his ear. “You did not fail, Jim.” Her voice dropped to a mere whisper. “Your father saved eight hundred lives and is considered a hero. But your actions not only saved the lives of most of the crew of this ship, you saved the Earth, you saved the rest of the Federation and you destroyed the man responsible for your father’s death, for Spock’s mother’s death, for the destruction of the rest of the fleet and the genocide on Vulcan. You are a hero.”
His breath was coming in shallow, rapid pants but his head was cocked towards her and she was sure that she was starting to get through to him.
“I think you were born to be captain of this ship.” She took a deep breath and continued on. “Do you want to know a secret? I wanted to be assigned to the Enterprise since the first day I learned she was being commissioned. She’s the only ship I ever wanted to serve on. I was supposed to be on the Farragut when the distress call from Vulcan came in but I laid a guilt trip onto Spock forcing him to change my orders to the Enterprise.” She paused for a moment. “But after we got back… if they had not given Enterprise to you… I would not have wanted to serve on her under any captain other than you.”
He lifted his head sharply, his confused gaze focused on her.
“You’re young. You’re inexperienced. You make mistakes. But still… we all feel safe with you in command. I feel safe with you as captain. I feel invincible. I feel that there’s nothing this crew and this ship can’t do because you simply won’t accept any other option.”
His blue eyes were damp with unshed tears as he continued to stare at her. Her fiercely whispered words were a balm to the open wounds on his psyche. His lips parted as if to speak but the words were stuck behind the huge lump in his throat. Instead he closed his eyes and one tear broke free of his lashes to roll slowly down his cheek.
It was a toss-up as to who was more surprised by what happened next as Uhura gave in to impulse and sent her mouth sliding down the path left by that one tear. Her lips sponged up the salty droplet and lingered on the soft, vulnerable skin beneath his jaw. She heard him suck in a breath and then felt his pulse begin to hammer wildly against her lips and she felt a surge of power like she had never known before.
TBC