"Cleansing" - ch. 15
Title: Cleansing (ch. 15)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Tom/Doug, Judy, Ioki, Fuller, Booker
Disclaimer: I don't own 21 Jumpstreet, nor it's characters. All belong to Callen and peeps.
Warnings: M/M, slash, angst
Summary: After having killed a teen, Doug tries to comfort his partner. Neither had any idea of the harsh consequences that were to come from Tom merely doing his job.
A/N: Not as long of a wait. Good, right? :) Takes up right where ch. 14 left off. This one has some cute fluffy moments in it.
Link to chapter 14: here
Chapter Fifteen
****
“Hey, Tommy, wake up.”
Tom groaned sleepily before mumbling, “What is it?”
“Thought you might be up for a little dinner.”
The young cop opened his eyes to discover Doug hovering over him. “What time is it?”
“Almost six.”
“I’ve been asleep that long?”
“Yeah. I figured it’d just be best if I let ya sleep for awhile. So! What are ya in the mood for?”
“Hm….How ‘bout soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?”
“Alrighty. I’ll go start whippin’ it up.”
“Do you need some help?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower….or bath, rather.”
“Are you gonna need some help?”
“I think I can manage. I just have to put that special cover thing over the brace so it doesn’t get wet.”
“Okeedokie. Hop to it then!”
The stronger cop helped Hanson to his feet and watched him leisurely make his way to the bedroom until he was out of sight. He waited a minute until he heard the sound of water running before venturing into the kitchen to search through the cabinets for canned goods and dishes.
“Aha!” he said in accomplishment from finding various kinds of soup. “What would he like? He’s not sick, so not a chicken noodle kind of day. Tomato? Yuck. How can he eat that stuff? What’s this?” He pushed a few cans aside to read the label on one. “Clam chowder. Sounds good to me.”
He pried off the lid after putting the can opener to it, poured the contents into a pan, and set it onto one of the burners on the stove to heat up. A skillet occupied the burner beside it, though left unlit as Doug rummaged around the fridge for bread, cheese, and butter.
“Doug?” he heard Tom call for him.
“Yeah?” Doug shouted back.
“Can you come here?”
Penhall strolled across the living room to the bedroom and found Tom sitting on the end of the bed with a towel wrapped around his otherwise nude body and had his head bowed.
“What’s wrong?” Penhall asked with concern as he moved to sit beside him.
Shaking his head, Tom voiced quietly, “I can’t do it. I thought I could.”
“Do what?”
“Get into the water.”
“What, like, help getting in? That’s not a big deal.”
“No, it’s not that. God, I’m so pathetic.”
Doug glanced toward the bathroom, trying to piece together whatever he could to solve whatever mystery this was. A sudden handful of images flickered in his mind of Hanson submerged in hot water, thrashing around to break free of the hands holding him down.
“You’re afraid of the water,” he said with understanding.
“Stupid, huh?”
“No. Not after what they did to you with it.”
“How do you know what they did?” Hanson raised his head to stare accusingly at his partner.
Doug’s mouth opened, but no words filtered out for a few seconds. “Cause,” he shrugged casually. “I just figured it had to be because of them and whatever they did to make you scared. I don’t know what they did, but I can guess it wasn’t all too pleasant.”
Hanson gave a small laugh. “Yeah. It wasn’t too pleasant.”
“Look, they’re not here, and you’re in control of how hot or cold that water is. You have the choice of getting out whenever you want to, not whenever someone else dictates when you can. No one’s here to hurt you. It’s just you. And me in the other room.”
There was a lengthy pause before Tom spoke faintly, “I think I may need your help. I don’t think I can get in on my own.”
“You ready then?”
“Yeah,” he answered in a sigh.
Tom led the way into the bathroom, set his crutches against the sink, and displaying tremendous self-consciousness and reluctance, he removed the towel from his small frame. Doug scolded himself for gawking at his friend with practical lust and made sure he kept his focus above Tom’s waist. Taking Tom’s hand in his, he steadied Tom as the younger man stepped into the bathtub. He could feel his partner shaking, but made note not to bring attention to it.
“Ready?” he questioned once both of Hanson’s legs were in the water.
“Yeah.”
Slowly, Doug eased the smaller male down until he was sitting.
“Okay?”
With a nod, Tom answered, “Okay.”
“You want me to stay?”
“No, I think I can do this part alone,” he said with a shy smile.
“Dinner in ten minutes, then!”
Being sure to leave the door open, Doug left to give Tom privacy and returned to the domestic duty of making a meal.
****
“Dinner awaits!” Doug announced fifteen minutes later, coming into the bathroom. “You finished?”
“Yeah. Can you….help me out?”
“Sure.”
Taking care not to rush in fear of hurting Hanson somehow, Doug hooked his arms under Tom’s and unhurriedly hoisted him up. He steadied his partner as Tom stepped out of the tub one foot at a time. Doug did not notice Hanson sway slightly or his eyes drift upward as he reached for a towel. Just as he unfolded it, Hanson’s eyes closed and he slumped forward. Penhall caught him, leaned the small frame against his, and wrapped the towel around Hanson’s waist.
“Tom? Can you hear me? Are you okay?”
A feeble groan was his answer.
“Alright, alright. Let’s just get you to the bed.”
He swept Tom up in his arms and strolled into the bedroom to lay him on the queen-sized mattress. Delicately, he brushed back the wet strands of hair obscuring Tom’s face and caressed his cheek.
“Tom? Come on, buddy. Come back.”
“Ugh….Doug?”
“Right here.”
“What happened?” he inquired as he let his eyes flutter open.
“You blacked out for a minute there. You okay?”
“My head feels like it’s being split open.”
“Do you want some of those pills the doc prescribed you?”
“Could you get ‘em?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Thanks.”
While Doug went to fetch the medication, Tom placed his hands on the sides of his head and gently moved his palms in circles to try and lessen the unbelievable pain. The older officer returned shortly with a glass of water and two decently sized pills. With a bit of a struggle, Tom raised himself up to where he could comfortably swallow each pill with a gulp of water and then rested down again with a low moan.
“Jesus Christ,” Tom whispered exasperatedly. “It hurts so bad.”
“Do you feel up to eating still?”
“Yeah, just….give me a few minutes. And I need to put some clothes on.”
“No! You don’t want me seeing your gorgeous physique anymore?!” Doug cooed humorously.
It roused a little chuckle from Hanson. “No, I don’t want you seeing my hideous physique anymore. Bad enough you’ve seen it already.” Doug opened his mouth to object, but Hanson cut him off before he could even get a word out. “Don’t tell me I’m not horrible looking. I know it. It’s fine.”
“But Tom-”
“Dinner ready?”
“Um, yeah. It’s ready.”
“You can go ahead and start without me. I’ll be out in a couple minutes.”
Realizing he would not be getting anywhere in convincing Hanson otherwise about his body, Doug shuffled out of the bedroom with a sigh.
Though the throbbing in his head had not subsided, Tom sat up, despite his desire to simply lie where he was. He did not hurry as he stood up, situated his crutches under his arms, and hopped along to his dresser to fetch a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Knowing he would not be able to keep his balance if he attempted to put on his garments while standing, he limped back to sit on the bed to get dressed. The task proved more demanding then he initially thought it would, causing him to lie down to catch his breath for a period.
Two minutes later, he was hobbling out of the bedroom and to the sofa where Doug was seated. The older cop had placed a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on a plate on the coffee table in front of the couch for Tom. He was currently sipping at his own soup, his sandwich already gone.
“Thanks,” Tom said gratefully as he sat down beside his partner.
“No problem.”
“Oh, Doug, you have no idea how good it felt to take a bath on my own.”
Grinning in amusement from his friend’s confession, Doug inquired with a quirked eyebrow, “How good?”
Tom smiled broadly as well. “So good.” He took one half of his grilled cheese to start nibbling on, stared at the silent television set for a moment, and then finally asked, “Anything on TV?”
“Weirdest thing, Tommy. Every channel’s just static. Like your cable got knocked out or something.”
“Huh, that is weird. Wanna watch a movie then or something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Surprise me. All the ones I have are there on the shelf, under the TV.”
Setting down his bowl, Penhall moved to the floor to scour the various titles. He settled on one quickly and pushed the VHS into the video cassette recorder.
“What’d’ya pick?” Hanson queried as Penhall situated himself next to him once more.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Ah, right.”
Not being able to contain it, Tom burst out laughing when the title, Die Hard, came on the screen, and Doug felt as if his heart would burst with sheer joy from hearing such a beautiful sound.
****
As the second movie they decided to watch came closer to the end, Doug looked beside him at his friend and smiled a little from seeing Tom’s eyes closed and his mouth open slightly. The younger male had curled up on his side and let his head lay on the arm of the couch. It was only nine o’clock, but Doug considered that it must have been a tiring and eventful day for Tom from leaving the hospital to returning to his apartment for the first time in months.
Once the credits started rolling upward on the television screen, Doug lightly shook his partner’s shoulder. Hanson’s eyes fluttered open and he let out a wearied sigh.
“What’d I miss?” he asked and sat up, blinking several times to clear away the haze of sleepiness.
“Nothing. Just the last half of the movie.”
“Geeze. Didn’t think I’d doze off that long.”
“Maybe you should turn in for the night.”
“Yeah. I think I will. You stayin’ here?”
“Do you need me to?”
“I don’t need you to. But if you want, you can.”
“Do you want me to?”
Tom shrugged, attempting to appear more at ease with the idea of being alone than he really was. “I don’t care either way, I guess.”
“What would you be more comfortable with?”
There was a pause as Tom rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair once. “I’d like it if you stayed,” he voiced quietly.
Doug slid his hand up his friend’s back and massaged his neck tenderly. “Okay. It’s no problem. I’ll just crash out here on the couch.”
“Alright. I’ll get you some blankets-”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get ‘em. You go ahead and go to bed.”
With a nod, Tom struggled to his feet and headed for the bedroom. He began closing the door, saying, “G’night, Doug.”
“Night, Tommy.”
“I’m gonna leave this open a bit. I don’t….I’ll feel better if I do, knowing you’re out here.”
Doug smiled. “Okay.”
Tom bit his lower lip and glanced at the floor apprehensively. “Okay,” he repeated softly. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Five minutes later, Doug saw the light go out in the bedroom. He sighed graciously and sprawled out on the sofa. After staring at the ceiling for awhile, he popped in another tape to watch and fell asleep an hour into the movie.
****
Even though he was a heavy sleeper, Doug was woken up numerous times during the night from hearing low moans and an occasional loud cry from Hanson’s bedroom. For the first few occurrences, he got up and silently crept into the room to check on his partner. Hanson’s head would be tossing back and forth, and his hands would bat at an imaginary attacker in front of him. Sweat glistened on his skin in the moonlight peeking through the window blinds near the bed. He never mumbled a coherent word; it was simply incomprehensible groans and whimpers, and Doug did not need anything to be said for him to have a good idea of what Hanson was dreaming of.
The first time he had entered the bedroom, he had spotted the teddy bear he had given Tom snuggled against the younger man’s chest; the next two times he checked on Tom, the bear was on the floor beside the bed. He retrieved it and tucked it under Tom’s arm both instances, smiling when Tom instinctively held it to him tighter.
Knowing that Tom had not woken up once from his nightmares, as far as Doug could tell, the older officer ceased peeking in on him and merely listened to the miserable sounds that came from the bedroom from his spot on the couch.
The obnoxiously noisy ring of the phone woke Doug up for good at eight in the morning. His eyes half-way open, he shuffled to the mini bar next to the kitchen and answered it.
“Hello?” he spoke lazily.
“Penhall? Is that you?” Fuller asked in a crisp voice, and Doug had no idea how anyone could be so awake so early.
“Yeah. Tom wanted me to stay over with him.”
“How is he?”
“Fine, I guess. I mean, he’s been able to get around okay and all. Just doesn’t talk much.”
“I see. Is he up?”
“No, I think he’s still asleep. Why?”
“I wanted to wait a week or so to give him a little time to adjust back to reality, but the bosses downtown are demanding an immediate hearing about possible suspension.”
“Suspension? What for? He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. But it’s not a surprise that they’re removing him from the Jump Street program in the sense he won’t be able to go undercover anymore.”
“People will know his face.”
“All that he’d be left to do is paperwork and filing, and they’re not sure if they want him to do even that.”
“Sounds like they just want to try and keep everything under wraps and not have to deal with him at all and what happened.”
“It’s a possibility. From the way I’ve heard some of those guys talk, it seems like they’re blaming Hanson for all the bad press surrounding the department. There’s even a rumor about a petition going around to get him off the force; no one wants to be around him or work with him due to their pre-conceived thoughts of him. No one seems very comfortable being around someone who’s been a victim of some of the most heinous acts of abuse we’ve seen in a long time.”
“Captain, he shouldn’t be punished for what a bunch of pricks think about him. They’re just afraid he’ll ruin their masculinity,” Doug spat hatefully. “They want to get rid of him because it wouldn’t look good having a policeman who may or may not be a homosexual in peoples’ opinions because of the sexual involvement he had with those guys. This is completely bogus! Compl-”
Doug cut himself off when he realized Tom was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, watching him with an expression of utter humiliation.
Swallowing hard, Penhall spoke quietly into the receiver, “Uh, captain, I have to go.”
“Alright. Just get him here by ten-thirty.”
“Okay. Bye.”
He placed the phone back on the cradle and turned to face Tom, who was gazing off to the side with glassy-looking eyes.
“Hey, um,” Penhall started carefully. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough,” Tom replied softly.
“Tom, I….”
“People really know? About me sleeping with those guys? Do they really know?”
The intense melancholy in his partner’s tone made Penhall unable to talk for a moment. At last, he answered truthfully, “Yeah. People know.”
Tom gave a bitter, sorrowful smile and shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Tom.”
“So you know too, then, huh?”
“Yeah. I know.” Witnessing the hurt in Tom’s eyes, he added, “You’re still my best friend. It doesn’t change anything.”
“I don’t believe that. I can’t believe that.”
“Tom-”
“Can we just drop it? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Tom-”
“What time am I supposed to be there for my suspension hearing?”
Doug sighed. “Ten-thirty.”
“I’m gonna go get ready. Can you take me?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
Before Doug could take two steps, Hanson slammed the bedroom door shut. Upon nearing the door, Doug would have sworn that Hanson was almost sobbing, causing the older officer to feel extremely guilty and sympathetic
****
The moment Hanson entered the main room of the chapel, practically everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and look. The many sets of eyes focused on him made him unnerved, even though he knew he had nothing to fear from these people. Observing such uncertainty in Tom’s eyes, Doug stepped in front of him and stated in a somewhat firm manner, “Hey, um, back to work. Nothin’ to see.”
Receiving several kind grins and waves from people, Tom smiled back and felt relieved when everything went back to normal - people conversing with one another, talking on the phone, bustling about. Judy, Ioki, and Booker approached him, making him even more at ease.
“Oh Tom!” Judy greeted with an excited grin and hugged him. “It’s so good to see you on your feet again! Welcome back!”
“Thanks, Jude. How’s everything?”
“Good, good. We’re all just really glad to see you.”
She moved out of the way for Ioki to give him a friendly embrace and say “hello,” followed by Booker doing the same.
“Consider yourself special, Hanson,” he said with that familiar smugness in his expression after Tom mentioned how he never thought Booker was capable of performing such a genial gesture towards him. “What’s with the outfit, though?”
The comment was referring to Tom’s pants, which were a pair of formal black slacks. They lost their elegance, however, due to the sloppy job done on the right leg. The fabric was slit on the sides all the way up to mid-thigh, and the outer part was closed together by many safety pins from ankle to the top of the cut, providing the illusion that it had not been altered at all if Tom was looked at from the side or from the front a bit.
“Oh, um,” Tom gave an embarrassed chuckle and answered, “My leg wouldn’t fit in it because of the brace. I didn’t want to cut off the fabric to make it like shorts. That’d look even more ridiculous.”
“Nice choice. Makes you look like a bit of a punk,” Booker replied with a humorous grin.
“Ha, ha, thanks. Well, before you guys can insult my appearance more, I gotta go find Fuller. Is he in his office?”
“Yeah. A couple of other people are in there too,” Ioki said.
“Great,” Tom voiced sarcastically. “I’ll catch you guys later.”
Having said their small goodbyes, the gang parted from one another, Doug and Tom trekking towards their superior officer’s door, while Judy, Ioki, and Booker returned to their desks.
“I’ll wait out here for ya,” Doug said gently.
“You don’t have to.”
“What else am I gonna do?”
“Actual work.” Tom smiled at the feigned offended expression Doug gave him. “Hopefully, this won’t be too bad.”
“Good luck, man.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Tom turned the doorknob, hopped along inside, and shut the entrance behind him. Doug blew out a held breath and leaned against the wall.
“Don’t let this hurt him more,” he prayed.
****
The instant he heard the door start to open, Doug stood upright expectantly. Hanson came out, and from what Penhall could discern, he was clearly upset. He did not acknowledge the older officer at all, nor did he show any signs that he heard Penhall say his name. Determined to leave, he made his way as fast as his weak limbs would allow to the door of the chapel, which he exited from with Doug trailing behind him.
“Hey, Tom, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing. Can you just take me home?” The voice sounded defeated and distressed.
“Tom, stop.” Doug blocked him from going farther and took hold of his friend’s shoulders, gazing directly into the despaired, brown eyes. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“Don’t give me that. I’m your best friend. What concerns you - most of the time, it concerns me too.”
“Not this time!” Tom exclaimed in a raised voice. “You’re not the one being suspended in order to help ‘clean up the department’s negative image’ it was christened with when I got myself kidnapped! You’re not the one whose physical and mental conditions make you worthless to do even the simplest of tasks! Or-or-or accused of being a possible homosexual and therefore, can be fired for being one! It just wouldn’t do, can’t be allowed. Supposedly, the public’s done a good job of making that apparent - that I don’t deserve to be a cop anymore. I’ve got ‘politically incorrect’ written all over me, and I can’t take it, Doug! I can’t take it!”
As Hanson succumbed to angry tears, Doug embraced him lovingly. Hanson buried his face against the larger man’s chest as he wept and merely stood lax while his partner worked on consoling him. They stayed that way until the exertion took its complete toll on Hanson’s exhausted body. Doug carried him to the car and began the drive back to Hanson’s apartment, neither saying anything at all the whole way.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Tom/Doug, Judy, Ioki, Fuller, Booker
Disclaimer: I don't own 21 Jumpstreet, nor it's characters. All belong to Callen and peeps.
Warnings: M/M, slash, angst
Summary: After having killed a teen, Doug tries to comfort his partner. Neither had any idea of the harsh consequences that were to come from Tom merely doing his job.
A/N: Not as long of a wait. Good, right? :) Takes up right where ch. 14 left off. This one has some cute fluffy moments in it.
Link to chapter 14: here
Chapter Fifteen
****
“Hey, Tommy, wake up.”
Tom groaned sleepily before mumbling, “What is it?”
“Thought you might be up for a little dinner.”
The young cop opened his eyes to discover Doug hovering over him. “What time is it?”
“Almost six.”
“I’ve been asleep that long?”
“Yeah. I figured it’d just be best if I let ya sleep for awhile. So! What are ya in the mood for?”
“Hm….How ‘bout soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?”
“Alrighty. I’ll go start whippin’ it up.”
“Do you need some help?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower….or bath, rather.”
“Are you gonna need some help?”
“I think I can manage. I just have to put that special cover thing over the brace so it doesn’t get wet.”
“Okeedokie. Hop to it then!”
The stronger cop helped Hanson to his feet and watched him leisurely make his way to the bedroom until he was out of sight. He waited a minute until he heard the sound of water running before venturing into the kitchen to search through the cabinets for canned goods and dishes.
“Aha!” he said in accomplishment from finding various kinds of soup. “What would he like? He’s not sick, so not a chicken noodle kind of day. Tomato? Yuck. How can he eat that stuff? What’s this?” He pushed a few cans aside to read the label on one. “Clam chowder. Sounds good to me.”
He pried off the lid after putting the can opener to it, poured the contents into a pan, and set it onto one of the burners on the stove to heat up. A skillet occupied the burner beside it, though left unlit as Doug rummaged around the fridge for bread, cheese, and butter.
“Doug?” he heard Tom call for him.
“Yeah?” Doug shouted back.
“Can you come here?”
Penhall strolled across the living room to the bedroom and found Tom sitting on the end of the bed with a towel wrapped around his otherwise nude body and had his head bowed.
“What’s wrong?” Penhall asked with concern as he moved to sit beside him.
Shaking his head, Tom voiced quietly, “I can’t do it. I thought I could.”
“Do what?”
“Get into the water.”
“What, like, help getting in? That’s not a big deal.”
“No, it’s not that. God, I’m so pathetic.”
Doug glanced toward the bathroom, trying to piece together whatever he could to solve whatever mystery this was. A sudden handful of images flickered in his mind of Hanson submerged in hot water, thrashing around to break free of the hands holding him down.
“You’re afraid of the water,” he said with understanding.
“Stupid, huh?”
“No. Not after what they did to you with it.”
“How do you know what they did?” Hanson raised his head to stare accusingly at his partner.
Doug’s mouth opened, but no words filtered out for a few seconds. “Cause,” he shrugged casually. “I just figured it had to be because of them and whatever they did to make you scared. I don’t know what they did, but I can guess it wasn’t all too pleasant.”
Hanson gave a small laugh. “Yeah. It wasn’t too pleasant.”
“Look, they’re not here, and you’re in control of how hot or cold that water is. You have the choice of getting out whenever you want to, not whenever someone else dictates when you can. No one’s here to hurt you. It’s just you. And me in the other room.”
There was a lengthy pause before Tom spoke faintly, “I think I may need your help. I don’t think I can get in on my own.”
“You ready then?”
“Yeah,” he answered in a sigh.
Tom led the way into the bathroom, set his crutches against the sink, and displaying tremendous self-consciousness and reluctance, he removed the towel from his small frame. Doug scolded himself for gawking at his friend with practical lust and made sure he kept his focus above Tom’s waist. Taking Tom’s hand in his, he steadied Tom as the younger man stepped into the bathtub. He could feel his partner shaking, but made note not to bring attention to it.
“Ready?” he questioned once both of Hanson’s legs were in the water.
“Yeah.”
Slowly, Doug eased the smaller male down until he was sitting.
“Okay?”
With a nod, Tom answered, “Okay.”
“You want me to stay?”
“No, I think I can do this part alone,” he said with a shy smile.
“Dinner in ten minutes, then!”
Being sure to leave the door open, Doug left to give Tom privacy and returned to the domestic duty of making a meal.
****
“Dinner awaits!” Doug announced fifteen minutes later, coming into the bathroom. “You finished?”
“Yeah. Can you….help me out?”
“Sure.”
Taking care not to rush in fear of hurting Hanson somehow, Doug hooked his arms under Tom’s and unhurriedly hoisted him up. He steadied his partner as Tom stepped out of the tub one foot at a time. Doug did not notice Hanson sway slightly or his eyes drift upward as he reached for a towel. Just as he unfolded it, Hanson’s eyes closed and he slumped forward. Penhall caught him, leaned the small frame against his, and wrapped the towel around Hanson’s waist.
“Tom? Can you hear me? Are you okay?”
A feeble groan was his answer.
“Alright, alright. Let’s just get you to the bed.”
He swept Tom up in his arms and strolled into the bedroom to lay him on the queen-sized mattress. Delicately, he brushed back the wet strands of hair obscuring Tom’s face and caressed his cheek.
“Tom? Come on, buddy. Come back.”
“Ugh….Doug?”
“Right here.”
“What happened?” he inquired as he let his eyes flutter open.
“You blacked out for a minute there. You okay?”
“My head feels like it’s being split open.”
“Do you want some of those pills the doc prescribed you?”
“Could you get ‘em?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Thanks.”
While Doug went to fetch the medication, Tom placed his hands on the sides of his head and gently moved his palms in circles to try and lessen the unbelievable pain. The older officer returned shortly with a glass of water and two decently sized pills. With a bit of a struggle, Tom raised himself up to where he could comfortably swallow each pill with a gulp of water and then rested down again with a low moan.
“Jesus Christ,” Tom whispered exasperatedly. “It hurts so bad.”
“Do you feel up to eating still?”
“Yeah, just….give me a few minutes. And I need to put some clothes on.”
“No! You don’t want me seeing your gorgeous physique anymore?!” Doug cooed humorously.
It roused a little chuckle from Hanson. “No, I don’t want you seeing my hideous physique anymore. Bad enough you’ve seen it already.” Doug opened his mouth to object, but Hanson cut him off before he could even get a word out. “Don’t tell me I’m not horrible looking. I know it. It’s fine.”
“But Tom-”
“Dinner ready?”
“Um, yeah. It’s ready.”
“You can go ahead and start without me. I’ll be out in a couple minutes.”
Realizing he would not be getting anywhere in convincing Hanson otherwise about his body, Doug shuffled out of the bedroom with a sigh.
Though the throbbing in his head had not subsided, Tom sat up, despite his desire to simply lie where he was. He did not hurry as he stood up, situated his crutches under his arms, and hopped along to his dresser to fetch a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Knowing he would not be able to keep his balance if he attempted to put on his garments while standing, he limped back to sit on the bed to get dressed. The task proved more demanding then he initially thought it would, causing him to lie down to catch his breath for a period.
Two minutes later, he was hobbling out of the bedroom and to the sofa where Doug was seated. The older cop had placed a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich on a plate on the coffee table in front of the couch for Tom. He was currently sipping at his own soup, his sandwich already gone.
“Thanks,” Tom said gratefully as he sat down beside his partner.
“No problem.”
“Oh, Doug, you have no idea how good it felt to take a bath on my own.”
Grinning in amusement from his friend’s confession, Doug inquired with a quirked eyebrow, “How good?”
Tom smiled broadly as well. “So good.” He took one half of his grilled cheese to start nibbling on, stared at the silent television set for a moment, and then finally asked, “Anything on TV?”
“Weirdest thing, Tommy. Every channel’s just static. Like your cable got knocked out or something.”
“Huh, that is weird. Wanna watch a movie then or something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Surprise me. All the ones I have are there on the shelf, under the TV.”
Setting down his bowl, Penhall moved to the floor to scour the various titles. He settled on one quickly and pushed the VHS into the video cassette recorder.
“What’d’ya pick?” Hanson queried as Penhall situated himself next to him once more.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Ah, right.”
Not being able to contain it, Tom burst out laughing when the title, Die Hard, came on the screen, and Doug felt as if his heart would burst with sheer joy from hearing such a beautiful sound.
****
As the second movie they decided to watch came closer to the end, Doug looked beside him at his friend and smiled a little from seeing Tom’s eyes closed and his mouth open slightly. The younger male had curled up on his side and let his head lay on the arm of the couch. It was only nine o’clock, but Doug considered that it must have been a tiring and eventful day for Tom from leaving the hospital to returning to his apartment for the first time in months.
Once the credits started rolling upward on the television screen, Doug lightly shook his partner’s shoulder. Hanson’s eyes fluttered open and he let out a wearied sigh.
“What’d I miss?” he asked and sat up, blinking several times to clear away the haze of sleepiness.
“Nothing. Just the last half of the movie.”
“Geeze. Didn’t think I’d doze off that long.”
“Maybe you should turn in for the night.”
“Yeah. I think I will. You stayin’ here?”
“Do you need me to?”
“I don’t need you to. But if you want, you can.”
“Do you want me to?”
Tom shrugged, attempting to appear more at ease with the idea of being alone than he really was. “I don’t care either way, I guess.”
“What would you be more comfortable with?”
There was a pause as Tom rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair once. “I’d like it if you stayed,” he voiced quietly.
Doug slid his hand up his friend’s back and massaged his neck tenderly. “Okay. It’s no problem. I’ll just crash out here on the couch.”
“Alright. I’ll get you some blankets-”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get ‘em. You go ahead and go to bed.”
With a nod, Tom struggled to his feet and headed for the bedroom. He began closing the door, saying, “G’night, Doug.”
“Night, Tommy.”
“I’m gonna leave this open a bit. I don’t….I’ll feel better if I do, knowing you’re out here.”
Doug smiled. “Okay.”
Tom bit his lower lip and glanced at the floor apprehensively. “Okay,” he repeated softly. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Five minutes later, Doug saw the light go out in the bedroom. He sighed graciously and sprawled out on the sofa. After staring at the ceiling for awhile, he popped in another tape to watch and fell asleep an hour into the movie.
****
Even though he was a heavy sleeper, Doug was woken up numerous times during the night from hearing low moans and an occasional loud cry from Hanson’s bedroom. For the first few occurrences, he got up and silently crept into the room to check on his partner. Hanson’s head would be tossing back and forth, and his hands would bat at an imaginary attacker in front of him. Sweat glistened on his skin in the moonlight peeking through the window blinds near the bed. He never mumbled a coherent word; it was simply incomprehensible groans and whimpers, and Doug did not need anything to be said for him to have a good idea of what Hanson was dreaming of.
The first time he had entered the bedroom, he had spotted the teddy bear he had given Tom snuggled against the younger man’s chest; the next two times he checked on Tom, the bear was on the floor beside the bed. He retrieved it and tucked it under Tom’s arm both instances, smiling when Tom instinctively held it to him tighter.
Knowing that Tom had not woken up once from his nightmares, as far as Doug could tell, the older officer ceased peeking in on him and merely listened to the miserable sounds that came from the bedroom from his spot on the couch.
The obnoxiously noisy ring of the phone woke Doug up for good at eight in the morning. His eyes half-way open, he shuffled to the mini bar next to the kitchen and answered it.
“Hello?” he spoke lazily.
“Penhall? Is that you?” Fuller asked in a crisp voice, and Doug had no idea how anyone could be so awake so early.
“Yeah. Tom wanted me to stay over with him.”
“How is he?”
“Fine, I guess. I mean, he’s been able to get around okay and all. Just doesn’t talk much.”
“I see. Is he up?”
“No, I think he’s still asleep. Why?”
“I wanted to wait a week or so to give him a little time to adjust back to reality, but the bosses downtown are demanding an immediate hearing about possible suspension.”
“Suspension? What for? He didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. But it’s not a surprise that they’re removing him from the Jump Street program in the sense he won’t be able to go undercover anymore.”
“People will know his face.”
“All that he’d be left to do is paperwork and filing, and they’re not sure if they want him to do even that.”
“Sounds like they just want to try and keep everything under wraps and not have to deal with him at all and what happened.”
“It’s a possibility. From the way I’ve heard some of those guys talk, it seems like they’re blaming Hanson for all the bad press surrounding the department. There’s even a rumor about a petition going around to get him off the force; no one wants to be around him or work with him due to their pre-conceived thoughts of him. No one seems very comfortable being around someone who’s been a victim of some of the most heinous acts of abuse we’ve seen in a long time.”
“Captain, he shouldn’t be punished for what a bunch of pricks think about him. They’re just afraid he’ll ruin their masculinity,” Doug spat hatefully. “They want to get rid of him because it wouldn’t look good having a policeman who may or may not be a homosexual in peoples’ opinions because of the sexual involvement he had with those guys. This is completely bogus! Compl-”
Doug cut himself off when he realized Tom was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, watching him with an expression of utter humiliation.
Swallowing hard, Penhall spoke quietly into the receiver, “Uh, captain, I have to go.”
“Alright. Just get him here by ten-thirty.”
“Okay. Bye.”
He placed the phone back on the cradle and turned to face Tom, who was gazing off to the side with glassy-looking eyes.
“Hey, um,” Penhall started carefully. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough,” Tom replied softly.
“Tom, I….”
“People really know? About me sleeping with those guys? Do they really know?”
The intense melancholy in his partner’s tone made Penhall unable to talk for a moment. At last, he answered truthfully, “Yeah. People know.”
Tom gave a bitter, sorrowful smile and shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Tom.”
“So you know too, then, huh?”
“Yeah. I know.” Witnessing the hurt in Tom’s eyes, he added, “You’re still my best friend. It doesn’t change anything.”
“I don’t believe that. I can’t believe that.”
“Tom-”
“Can we just drop it? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Tom-”
“What time am I supposed to be there for my suspension hearing?”
Doug sighed. “Ten-thirty.”
“I’m gonna go get ready. Can you take me?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
Before Doug could take two steps, Hanson slammed the bedroom door shut. Upon nearing the door, Doug would have sworn that Hanson was almost sobbing, causing the older officer to feel extremely guilty and sympathetic
****
The moment Hanson entered the main room of the chapel, practically everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and look. The many sets of eyes focused on him made him unnerved, even though he knew he had nothing to fear from these people. Observing such uncertainty in Tom’s eyes, Doug stepped in front of him and stated in a somewhat firm manner, “Hey, um, back to work. Nothin’ to see.”
Receiving several kind grins and waves from people, Tom smiled back and felt relieved when everything went back to normal - people conversing with one another, talking on the phone, bustling about. Judy, Ioki, and Booker approached him, making him even more at ease.
“Oh Tom!” Judy greeted with an excited grin and hugged him. “It’s so good to see you on your feet again! Welcome back!”
“Thanks, Jude. How’s everything?”
“Good, good. We’re all just really glad to see you.”
She moved out of the way for Ioki to give him a friendly embrace and say “hello,” followed by Booker doing the same.
“Consider yourself special, Hanson,” he said with that familiar smugness in his expression after Tom mentioned how he never thought Booker was capable of performing such a genial gesture towards him. “What’s with the outfit, though?”
The comment was referring to Tom’s pants, which were a pair of formal black slacks. They lost their elegance, however, due to the sloppy job done on the right leg. The fabric was slit on the sides all the way up to mid-thigh, and the outer part was closed together by many safety pins from ankle to the top of the cut, providing the illusion that it had not been altered at all if Tom was looked at from the side or from the front a bit.
“Oh, um,” Tom gave an embarrassed chuckle and answered, “My leg wouldn’t fit in it because of the brace. I didn’t want to cut off the fabric to make it like shorts. That’d look even more ridiculous.”
“Nice choice. Makes you look like a bit of a punk,” Booker replied with a humorous grin.
“Ha, ha, thanks. Well, before you guys can insult my appearance more, I gotta go find Fuller. Is he in his office?”
“Yeah. A couple of other people are in there too,” Ioki said.
“Great,” Tom voiced sarcastically. “I’ll catch you guys later.”
Having said their small goodbyes, the gang parted from one another, Doug and Tom trekking towards their superior officer’s door, while Judy, Ioki, and Booker returned to their desks.
“I’ll wait out here for ya,” Doug said gently.
“You don’t have to.”
“What else am I gonna do?”
“Actual work.” Tom smiled at the feigned offended expression Doug gave him. “Hopefully, this won’t be too bad.”
“Good luck, man.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Tom turned the doorknob, hopped along inside, and shut the entrance behind him. Doug blew out a held breath and leaned against the wall.
“Don’t let this hurt him more,” he prayed.
****
The instant he heard the door start to open, Doug stood upright expectantly. Hanson came out, and from what Penhall could discern, he was clearly upset. He did not acknowledge the older officer at all, nor did he show any signs that he heard Penhall say his name. Determined to leave, he made his way as fast as his weak limbs would allow to the door of the chapel, which he exited from with Doug trailing behind him.
“Hey, Tom, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing. Can you just take me home?” The voice sounded defeated and distressed.
“Tom, stop.” Doug blocked him from going farther and took hold of his friend’s shoulders, gazing directly into the despaired, brown eyes. “What happened?”
“It doesn’t concern you.”
“Don’t give me that. I’m your best friend. What concerns you - most of the time, it concerns me too.”
“Not this time!” Tom exclaimed in a raised voice. “You’re not the one being suspended in order to help ‘clean up the department’s negative image’ it was christened with when I got myself kidnapped! You’re not the one whose physical and mental conditions make you worthless to do even the simplest of tasks! Or-or-or accused of being a possible homosexual and therefore, can be fired for being one! It just wouldn’t do, can’t be allowed. Supposedly, the public’s done a good job of making that apparent - that I don’t deserve to be a cop anymore. I’ve got ‘politically incorrect’ written all over me, and I can’t take it, Doug! I can’t take it!”
As Hanson succumbed to angry tears, Doug embraced him lovingly. Hanson buried his face against the larger man’s chest as he wept and merely stood lax while his partner worked on consoling him. They stayed that way until the exertion took its complete toll on Hanson’s exhausted body. Doug carried him to the car and began the drive back to Hanson’s apartment, neither saying anything at all the whole way.