25
So. today was my birthday, and the day that i was supposed to find about the teaching job.
it was a long day.
i spent most of it waiting by the phone and the computer for the email.
i slept when i was able to. it was better than worrying.
i read, played basketball, killed time. i talked to people, told them that i hadn't heard yet. there was a lot of that.
i checked my email obsessively every 10 minutes for 12 hours.
went out to dinner with family. was too nervous to eat. ate anyway. didn't enjoy it. came home, lost my shit, left a rambling and upset message on the principal/school head's answering machine.
5 minutes later, i began this email:
Mr. ________,
Approximately 8:30 this evening, I called your office and left you a rambling and semi-coherent message, which was thankfully cut off by the answering machine. While, unfortunately, I have no way of striking that message from the record, I wanted to express myself more clearly than I did by phone.
Today (the 25th) was my 25th birthday, which is probably irrelevant to you. For me, it had a special significance, as it marked the passing of what has been a very difficult year in terms of choices and plans for the future. When you stated last week that you would present me with a resolution on the 25th, I dreaded the decision as an added stressor, but thought that it fit perfectly in many ways. The shared date may have been a meaningless coincidence, but it seemed to portend a major shift in the direction of my life. I am not a religious man, but I and most people I know believe that certain events and interactions in one's life were somehow meant to happen.
I don't know if this is meant to happen or not. Depending on the perspective I view my candidacy for the position from, I can alternately see myself as well-equipped and capable of filling many of the school's needs, or as poorly qualified and unready for the job. My biases and desires make it difficult for me to evaluate the situation objectively, so I have tried to avoid thinking about it from that perspective. Instead, I have spent the past month trying to prepare myself better as a teacher in the event that I am hired; putting myself on the substitute list at my former high school, contacting former teachers for advice and shadowing, contacting friends, coaches, and former teammates and attempting to get a renewed feel for basketball and lacrosse, and looking into the logistics of making a serious, permanent move to austin.
I understand that the hiring process is a complicated and time-consuming one, and I fear that in sharing my worries and needs with you, I may be undermining my candidacy.
and i was trying to figure out how to finish it, when he called at 10 pm to tell me i had the job.
i'll finish writing about this when some of this emotional rush wears off.
it was a long day.
i spent most of it waiting by the phone and the computer for the email.
i slept when i was able to. it was better than worrying.
i read, played basketball, killed time. i talked to people, told them that i hadn't heard yet. there was a lot of that.
i checked my email obsessively every 10 minutes for 12 hours.
went out to dinner with family. was too nervous to eat. ate anyway. didn't enjoy it. came home, lost my shit, left a rambling and upset message on the principal/school head's answering machine.
5 minutes later, i began this email:
Mr. ________,
Approximately 8:30 this evening, I called your office and left you a rambling and semi-coherent message, which was thankfully cut off by the answering machine. While, unfortunately, I have no way of striking that message from the record, I wanted to express myself more clearly than I did by phone.
Today (the 25th) was my 25th birthday, which is probably irrelevant to you. For me, it had a special significance, as it marked the passing of what has been a very difficult year in terms of choices and plans for the future. When you stated last week that you would present me with a resolution on the 25th, I dreaded the decision as an added stressor, but thought that it fit perfectly in many ways. The shared date may have been a meaningless coincidence, but it seemed to portend a major shift in the direction of my life. I am not a religious man, but I and most people I know believe that certain events and interactions in one's life were somehow meant to happen.
I don't know if this is meant to happen or not. Depending on the perspective I view my candidacy for the position from, I can alternately see myself as well-equipped and capable of filling many of the school's needs, or as poorly qualified and unready for the job. My biases and desires make it difficult for me to evaluate the situation objectively, so I have tried to avoid thinking about it from that perspective. Instead, I have spent the past month trying to prepare myself better as a teacher in the event that I am hired; putting myself on the substitute list at my former high school, contacting former teachers for advice and shadowing, contacting friends, coaches, and former teammates and attempting to get a renewed feel for basketball and lacrosse, and looking into the logistics of making a serious, permanent move to austin.
I understand that the hiring process is a complicated and time-consuming one, and I fear that in sharing my worries and needs with you, I may be undermining my candidacy.
and i was trying to figure out how to finish it, when he called at 10 pm to tell me i had the job.
i'll finish writing about this when some of this emotional rush wears off.