bitching
Yesterday morning I suddenly realized that I have been angry for weeks. I just can't remember why. Did I even have a reason? Every week I think: "soon it's weekend. I'll rest. It'll make it all better." But It doesn't. On Monday I wake up and feel more angry and depressed than I did the week before. It's not good to be angry if you don't know why. I guess I'm finally coming to the point where I can't continue to live like this anymore. I've had it coming for years though. I mean the gender thing. I don't want to live in this body anymore. I hate it, it disgusts me more and more every day. I actually tried to do something about this couple of months ago. I went to see my doctor (whom I've never met before) and told her that I want her to get me an appointment to TAYS so I could get a gender identity evaluation and then maybe get some treatment. She was very nice, but very confused, didn't seem to quite understand what I meant. She said that she had to get my papers from Lappeenranta first and then send them to TAYS. Well, I haven't heard from her since and it's been three months now. I'm not sure what to do.
And then there's the job hunt. And the applying to film schools. And my absolute incompetence with computers. And the dog with his heart condition. And my constantly growing loathing for all human kind. I should really be worried about myself. I don't even want to smoke or drink anymore.
Well, it's weekend soon. And this weekend I'm going to Ville's cabin with a bunch of friends whom I haven't seen since September. It should be fun. Laura can't come with me though, which pisses me off every time I remember it. I just wouldn't wan to be away from her right now. But I'm sure my friends manage to get my mind off all this bullshit.
Fight on! like Dolph Lundgren says.
And then there's the job hunt. And the applying to film schools. And my absolute incompetence with computers. And the dog with his heart condition. And my constantly growing loathing for all human kind. I should really be worried about myself. I don't even want to smoke or drink anymore.
Well, it's weekend soon. And this weekend I'm going to Ville's cabin with a bunch of friends whom I haven't seen since September. It should be fun. Laura can't come with me though, which pisses me off every time I remember it. I just wouldn't wan to be away from her right now. But I'm sure my friends manage to get my mind off all this bullshit.
Fight on! like Dolph Lundgren says.