PART ELEVEN [CLOSED]
PART ONE PART TWO
PART THREE PART FOUR HERE
PART FIVE HERE PART SIX HERE
PART SEVEN HERE
PART EIGHT HERE
PART NINE HERE
PART TEN HERE
PART TWELVE HERE
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None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear. - Ferdinand Foch
James T Kirk is a survivor. He's been through more than most and come out fighting. James T Kirk also thinks he's invincible, which gives him a nasty habit of just charging in without looking. Sure he might take a few punches but he always wins in the end.
This makes everyone think he's fearless. He isn't. You see the idea of fate freaks him out. The idea that his life is all planned out and he doesn't get a say is something he isn't comfortable with. So he tries to flout it at every turn, go against what old Spock has told him.
Kirk tells himself that this is a different universe, a different life, and he wont be shoved around. Especially not by fate. Yeah he''s James Kirk but he's not that guy from old Spock's memories and he'll be fucked if he's living that other guys life.
They're both Captains and that's where it stops.
So he fights against it. He's so busy fighting, making his own fate, that he doesn't notice how close him and Spock have grown. It's not until they kiss that Kirk realizes fate has won this time.
What terrifies him even more than the idea of fate, is the fact that this time at least, he doesn't care that he's lost.
Scotty thinks it's hilarious that McCoy is afraid of flying. McCoy thinks Scotty is an idiot for not being afraid. As far as he's concerned the only people who aren't afraid are too idiotic to understand the risks, too stupid to know everything that could go wrong.
McCoy never used to be afraid of flying. As a kid he used to love it. He'd been fascinated by the stars and the thought of traveling through space.
He'd had his first phobic attack at the age of 30. He doesn't know why it started then, and he doesn't really care. He'd taken one look at the tiny shuttle and somehow just known he couldn't make himself get on it. It had been the weirdest experience of his life. The elevated heart rate, the trouble breathing, everything. He'd known what they meant but he hadn't known how to deal with it.
It took a good while after that to make himself get on a shuttle and he'd had to be pretty drunk to work up the nerve. He hides himself in the bathroom - because not being able to see the windows helps - and preys that he survives the trip. Even after he's moved by one of the flight attendants and dumped in a seat he thinks he'll do okay.
Of course that could just be the alcohol talking.
Everyone assumes that Vulcan's consider fear illogical. After all they consider nearly everything else illogical. What people don't understand is that Vulcan's understand fear, realize that it serves a purpose. Fear is normally born from a self-preservation instinct, and as such serves a logical function.
At least that's how Spock understands it.
However Spock's own particular fear is not one that a normal Vulcan would consider logical. Spock is afraid of emotions. It's not an all consuming fear but it's there none the less. One that has been there his entire life.
He is afraid of being made too feel, of being put in touch with the human side of his psychology, when he has chosen to follow the Vulcan way of life. His feelings are too intense, too overwhelming, to control fully when they take over and logic abandons him. One day Spock thinks that his logic and control will not return.
He is fully aware of the irony of fearing emotions - because fear itself is an emotion.
If a Vulcan could feel jealousy Spock is almost convinced he would be jealous of Kirk and how fearless he seems. Naturally though Vulcan's can't feel jealousy.
Well that's what he tells himself anyway.
Please forgive any Spelling or grammar issues. If anyone else wants to respond to this prompt with something more substantial that's cool.
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He is fully aware of the irony of fearing emotions - because fear itself is an emotion.
Loved that line.
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And Kirk fighting against his fate. <33 Love that so much, because it must be terrifying, knowing who you were in another life.
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I'm glad the Spock bit worked, it was the toughest xD
Kirk strikes me as the sort of person who would fight just to be contrary, because it's just what he does. I can imagine it would be pretty creepy knowing who you where in another life and - well - feeling that you don't quite match up. Yet anyway.
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