Read this, then comment, and then go F*** URSELF...j/k.
9/21/04 Start: 9:30 AM
It’s Tuesday, my day off. What am I doing up so early you might ask? Insomnia. You see, that in itself sums it up. I feel like I can’t even use that word anymore it’s been so corrupted by over usage. Let’s just say I can’t sleep. Not lately anyway, yesterday I was up until 6:30 AM and then worked all day. Now this morning isn’t much better. The odd thing is is that I am dead tired. Yet, everytime I put my head on that shittie pillow it takes me hours to leave this world. And worst of all, I know exactly what it is: overthinking. I’m overthinking everything in my life right now. And sure, you can make the case that that is actually a good thing: avoid stupid mistakes, wasting time, really getting behind the ideology behind things, right!? Well, no, not quite. The list against this over thinking, is much longer. A. I can’t concentrate on one thing for a long period of time anyway so therefore the whole ideology bullcrap remains just that, bullcrap. Sure, I do not buy into the whole mainstream superficiality, however I must admit I still have all the same urges. I see any attractive peace of meat and SEX is the first thing on my mind. Why is that!? My mind seems to definitely think that’s wrong. Even worse, when I really think about it, (note this is definitely a case of over thinking), I think that it is wrong for my mind to think that slobbering for sex is actually wrong. So, I’ve gotten to the point where I re-analyze my first perception and change it, so my mind changes my own mind. Sounds completely normal right? Everyone changes their mind all the time. Yeah, well, this happens within seconds, on almost every conclusive thought I have. That leaves almost all my conclusive thoughts inconclusive. And this is the problem I have come to: Self-Reflectivity. The ability to self-reflect is not only a blessing but a talent. However, it can leave you feeling dull, sad and very bored. For me, the fact is that this society, and with that the entire western world, is disgustingly ugly. Yes, disgustingly ugly. Let us explore why: superficiality caused by selfishness rooted in individualism. ME, me, no ME! I’m partaking in that right now by writing my thoughts so that hopefully someone will read them and it will trigger a thought, any thought, in that person’s brain (if they have one). So, my individualism is vented in the way that I believe my thoughts are more worthy than someone else’s (note: example of self-reflexivity). Sadly, it’s not that easy. If we were all a little more self-reflective it may even lead to pro-active selfishness. However, everyone is way too busy being self-conscious and looking into the mirror. Self reflectivity is deeper than that, it’s looking past the mirror, the surface, it is looking at patterns, life, emotions, and then asking why? The surface may provide answers. We’re almost at the end, bare with me; I think.
So, while I have just argued for self-reflectivity, I must admit that it often leaves you feeling lonely, helpless and very blasé. You are not able to partake in many common activities in which others thrive and enjoy themselves splendidly. Self-reflectivity gets in the way of your everyday joy. Sipping a drink at a party or bar with your friends while laughing and trying to pick up chicks turns into: “look all these people, they all want the same thing, yet, a very small % of them are actually getting it because 90% of people here are afraid to say anything, to risk something, shit, I’m too chickenshit to do anything myself, that’s why I’m standing here thinking to myself; bah, who cares?! It’s just one night and most of these people will play no major part in my future) and the night ends meaningless. Continuity, repetition, miniscule events are realized when self-reflectivity is truly attained. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Everything I just wrote is a pile of bullshit isn’t it? Some would say, no not at all, your thoughts are very meaningful and interpretive, blah blah blah. Not really, I disagree. You see, this self-reflectivity is all based on your initial belief system. Depending on the individual’s socialization and genetics they may be thinking a completely different thing than someone else but about the same topic. I’m sure there are plenty of people who are very positive and outgoing after they become self-reflective because they realize how special they are. Something along the lines that their single soul may touch and affect others; churchy stuff. Hey, I have nothing against that, I guess that is what I am trying to do and will be trying for the rest of my life: trying to strife for some kind of purpose, because making a lot of money while selling people shit they do not really need (95% of American consumerism) is not the way for me. Sorry, I am rambling; I will make my last point, which was also stated early. You see, I hope you are smart enough to realize that this whole thing is one big example of self-reflectivity, and it comes in levels. These levels result in analyzing your own actions, then the others around you, and then you in the space with others. However, like I noted before, in the end it is all still inconclusive. Most people are going to find everything and anything in this piece of mind to disagree with, because of course, yes, the individual is always correct, to themselves anyway. You are right, I am wrong, what I have written here is all bullshit. Think about it, I already said it is inconclusive, but it is definetly not wrong or bullshit. Well, if you take anything away from this daydream; self-reflectivity is the first step towards breaking that emotionless cycle of repetition we go through everyday. I mean, I can enjoy myself doing almost anything; sitting on a chair in an empty living room, just thinking. Pull that imagination out of your ass and try it. Stop. Release. Breathe. Close your eyes. Done. Time to come back to earth and be a hypocritical corrupted human being: Madden 2005. Wake the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Completed: 10:12 AM
It’s so sad that time rules the human mind, although it was created by that human mind in the first place.
It’s Tuesday, my day off. What am I doing up so early you might ask? Insomnia. You see, that in itself sums it up. I feel like I can’t even use that word anymore it’s been so corrupted by over usage. Let’s just say I can’t sleep. Not lately anyway, yesterday I was up until 6:30 AM and then worked all day. Now this morning isn’t much better. The odd thing is is that I am dead tired. Yet, everytime I put my head on that shittie pillow it takes me hours to leave this world. And worst of all, I know exactly what it is: overthinking. I’m overthinking everything in my life right now. And sure, you can make the case that that is actually a good thing: avoid stupid mistakes, wasting time, really getting behind the ideology behind things, right!? Well, no, not quite. The list against this over thinking, is much longer. A. I can’t concentrate on one thing for a long period of time anyway so therefore the whole ideology bullcrap remains just that, bullcrap. Sure, I do not buy into the whole mainstream superficiality, however I must admit I still have all the same urges. I see any attractive peace of meat and SEX is the first thing on my mind. Why is that!? My mind seems to definitely think that’s wrong. Even worse, when I really think about it, (note this is definitely a case of over thinking), I think that it is wrong for my mind to think that slobbering for sex is actually wrong. So, I’ve gotten to the point where I re-analyze my first perception and change it, so my mind changes my own mind. Sounds completely normal right? Everyone changes their mind all the time. Yeah, well, this happens within seconds, on almost every conclusive thought I have. That leaves almost all my conclusive thoughts inconclusive. And this is the problem I have come to: Self-Reflectivity. The ability to self-reflect is not only a blessing but a talent. However, it can leave you feeling dull, sad and very bored. For me, the fact is that this society, and with that the entire western world, is disgustingly ugly. Yes, disgustingly ugly. Let us explore why: superficiality caused by selfishness rooted in individualism. ME, me, no ME! I’m partaking in that right now by writing my thoughts so that hopefully someone will read them and it will trigger a thought, any thought, in that person’s brain (if they have one). So, my individualism is vented in the way that I believe my thoughts are more worthy than someone else’s (note: example of self-reflexivity). Sadly, it’s not that easy. If we were all a little more self-reflective it may even lead to pro-active selfishness. However, everyone is way too busy being self-conscious and looking into the mirror. Self reflectivity is deeper than that, it’s looking past the mirror, the surface, it is looking at patterns, life, emotions, and then asking why? The surface may provide answers. We’re almost at the end, bare with me; I think.
So, while I have just argued for self-reflectivity, I must admit that it often leaves you feeling lonely, helpless and very blasé. You are not able to partake in many common activities in which others thrive and enjoy themselves splendidly. Self-reflectivity gets in the way of your everyday joy. Sipping a drink at a party or bar with your friends while laughing and trying to pick up chicks turns into: “look all these people, they all want the same thing, yet, a very small % of them are actually getting it because 90% of people here are afraid to say anything, to risk something, shit, I’m too chickenshit to do anything myself, that’s why I’m standing here thinking to myself; bah, who cares?! It’s just one night and most of these people will play no major part in my future) and the night ends meaningless. Continuity, repetition, miniscule events are realized when self-reflectivity is truly attained. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Everything I just wrote is a pile of bullshit isn’t it? Some would say, no not at all, your thoughts are very meaningful and interpretive, blah blah blah. Not really, I disagree. You see, this self-reflectivity is all based on your initial belief system. Depending on the individual’s socialization and genetics they may be thinking a completely different thing than someone else but about the same topic. I’m sure there are plenty of people who are very positive and outgoing after they become self-reflective because they realize how special they are. Something along the lines that their single soul may touch and affect others; churchy stuff. Hey, I have nothing against that, I guess that is what I am trying to do and will be trying for the rest of my life: trying to strife for some kind of purpose, because making a lot of money while selling people shit they do not really need (95% of American consumerism) is not the way for me. Sorry, I am rambling; I will make my last point, which was also stated early. You see, I hope you are smart enough to realize that this whole thing is one big example of self-reflectivity, and it comes in levels. These levels result in analyzing your own actions, then the others around you, and then you in the space with others. However, like I noted before, in the end it is all still inconclusive. Most people are going to find everything and anything in this piece of mind to disagree with, because of course, yes, the individual is always correct, to themselves anyway. You are right, I am wrong, what I have written here is all bullshit. Think about it, I already said it is inconclusive, but it is definetly not wrong or bullshit. Well, if you take anything away from this daydream; self-reflectivity is the first step towards breaking that emotionless cycle of repetition we go through everyday. I mean, I can enjoy myself doing almost anything; sitting on a chair in an empty living room, just thinking. Pull that imagination out of your ass and try it. Stop. Release. Breathe. Close your eyes. Done. Time to come back to earth and be a hypocritical corrupted human being: Madden 2005. Wake the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Completed: 10:12 AM
It’s so sad that time rules the human mind, although it was created by that human mind in the first place.