"Maybe out past where the imagination ends our true natures lie,
waiting to be confronted on their own terms. Born in anarchy with an unquenchable bloodthirst we shudder to think what might rise up from the darkness."
And what truly scares us it that we'll like better it that way. What is your true nature? What is my true nature? For that matter what are any of us trying to confront on its own terms that has risen out of the darkest reaches of our psyches?
For me that use to be death. It takes away and then the living are left behind. For the longest time I had problems being left behind. Death had come and taken away those dearest to me and it seemed only I was left standing. But then I discovered something, something marvelous. I had these friends and they weren't going anywhere, despite how hard i pushed. So I leaned on them, relied on them for pretty much everything. Perhaps I clung to tightly to this saving grace.
Because now it seems I'm alone again. I guess in the end that remains my biggest fear, that I'll just end up utterly and completely alone in the world. That I've tried to grasp the sand too tightly and that in doing so everything has slipped far from my grasp.
Or perhaps, and probally more likely, this is just my own deepest fear working on me gnawing away at the protections i've built up against it. I used to have no problems eating alone, being by myself for days at a time, didn't need to rely on others opinions telling me i was worth the time. Now, now I'm not so sure. Haven't had to eat alone in over two years. And now, when i'm alone for to long I just end up depressed and darkly philosophical. The one thing left to me from my independent phase is that i don't need others to affirm my worth. But still, every once in a while it would be nice...
Maybe I just need to stop thinking so darn much. Maybe I just over thinking the whole darn thing. But maybe the monsters in the closet really do exist.
And what truly scares us it that we'll like better it that way. What is your true nature? What is my true nature? For that matter what are any of us trying to confront on its own terms that has risen out of the darkest reaches of our psyches?
For me that use to be death. It takes away and then the living are left behind. For the longest time I had problems being left behind. Death had come and taken away those dearest to me and it seemed only I was left standing. But then I discovered something, something marvelous. I had these friends and they weren't going anywhere, despite how hard i pushed. So I leaned on them, relied on them for pretty much everything. Perhaps I clung to tightly to this saving grace.
Because now it seems I'm alone again. I guess in the end that remains my biggest fear, that I'll just end up utterly and completely alone in the world. That I've tried to grasp the sand too tightly and that in doing so everything has slipped far from my grasp.
Or perhaps, and probally more likely, this is just my own deepest fear working on me gnawing away at the protections i've built up against it. I used to have no problems eating alone, being by myself for days at a time, didn't need to rely on others opinions telling me i was worth the time. Now, now I'm not so sure. Haven't had to eat alone in over two years. And now, when i'm alone for to long I just end up depressed and darkly philosophical. The one thing left to me from my independent phase is that i don't need others to affirm my worth. But still, every once in a while it would be nice...
Maybe I just need to stop thinking so darn much. Maybe I just over thinking the whole darn thing. But maybe the monsters in the closet really do exist.