Shoulda, woulda, ...
Yes, it is late. I had logged off my computer when the kids went to bed and curled up with another novel, which I finished around 11:40pm. I tried to sleep, but my mind is still too active to shut down for the night, so here I post.
Well... what was my mind so busy about? Guilt, it seems... self inflicted guilt on what I "should" be doing. I thought I should be doing certain sewing items, mainly costumes, since they've been on my to-do list forever and a day. I should be cleaning this house, I should be doing more with the children... on and on it would seem. But the book I read helped me to realize something. No, not in its words so much, although it was an interesting story around art, the renaissance, Florence (the city-state), God, preachers, and how in so many ways, we are still allowing ourselves to be swayed by madmen, but I digress. It was in the realization that I was enjoying myself, enjoying the reading as an activity of its own right. And this is a good thing.
So, I am tossing out the should do list, or the to do list, since it is of my own making to pressure me into guilt when I am not doing whatever it is on that list that I should do. Instead, I am going to be indulgent to my whims, and do what I want to do of the moment, be it the painting in the kids' playroom, or some fabric frippery, or reading the funny pages to my daughter, or doing the dishes and laundry. Believe me, I want this house cleaner than at present, but not if it is going to remain a chore burdened around my neck. I am going to indulge this to get out of my "should do" induced funk, and hopefully remember what it is to enjoy something just for the love of it, or to be mindful of simple tasks, and to again create for the joy and pleasure of it.
btw, the book was The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant. Quite enjoyable fictitious novel set in an interesting time of history in Florence, even if I still don't know what the title is supposed to mean in the context of the story. Ok, looked it up, still not sure why it is the title. It was nice reading something of a time period and location I know little about, so who knows how badly the author screwed with things. Definitely entertaining reading. I need to enjoy this type of thing more often.
Well... what was my mind so busy about? Guilt, it seems... self inflicted guilt on what I "should" be doing. I thought I should be doing certain sewing items, mainly costumes, since they've been on my to-do list forever and a day. I should be cleaning this house, I should be doing more with the children... on and on it would seem. But the book I read helped me to realize something. No, not in its words so much, although it was an interesting story around art, the renaissance, Florence (the city-state), God, preachers, and how in so many ways, we are still allowing ourselves to be swayed by madmen, but I digress. It was in the realization that I was enjoying myself, enjoying the reading as an activity of its own right. And this is a good thing.
So, I am tossing out the should do list, or the to do list, since it is of my own making to pressure me into guilt when I am not doing whatever it is on that list that I should do. Instead, I am going to be indulgent to my whims, and do what I want to do of the moment, be it the painting in the kids' playroom, or some fabric frippery, or reading the funny pages to my daughter, or doing the dishes and laundry. Believe me, I want this house cleaner than at present, but not if it is going to remain a chore burdened around my neck. I am going to indulge this to get out of my "should do" induced funk, and hopefully remember what it is to enjoy something just for the love of it, or to be mindful of simple tasks, and to again create for the joy and pleasure of it.
btw, the book was The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant. Quite enjoyable fictitious novel set in an interesting time of history in Florence, even if I still don't know what the title is supposed to mean in the context of the story. Ok, looked it up, still not sure why it is the title. It was nice reading something of a time period and location I know little about, so who knows how badly the author screwed with things. Definitely entertaining reading. I need to enjoy this type of thing more often.