growing up
i decided today i need to write in this thing more often. not really for anyone else to read, but maybe to just get things off my mind, i suppose what a journal is really for. since i enjoy typing more than writing, the one sitting on my closet shelf, will probably just have to remain there. it seems as if the days just keep rolling by faster and faster, I've heard that happens as you grow up. two of best friends, steph and nora got married this past month. it still really hasn't hit me...that they're really married. it just seems like such a odd realization to accept, the girls i used to stay up late with on the phone and yap about boys with all night when i was 12-17 are married. i mean, i still have a hard time with the realization that i'm in a relationship. me, the girl that got plastered every night for like 2 years, try to find a boy wherever she went, and swore up and down that i'd never be in a "serious" relationship, much less married. yeah, we live together. it's so crazy how time and life changes you. i used to love to be a alone, and now i hate it. it's like being around people fuels me. on the other hand, being around people drains me too. i was telling my mother other day how much i love and hate my job and in comparison, how much it reflects the relationships in my life. i still work at O'charley's, and i love every bit of it. but it's the going home part i hate. it's the meeting all the people that come sit at my bar, hanging out with them while they drink, chatting and even getting to know some of them, just to know that they're going to get up a walk out in 30 minutes to 2 hours. i feel like over the past few years that's how my life has worked. i feel as if everyone that walks into my life, walks out. so far, the only one still around permanently is my mom, she's never walked out. i feel like my dad has, he lives in dc now. my friends have mostly moved on, whether with marriage, to other states, or just in general. adam's still here, a year next week, and i hope he stays around, but who knows where life will take us, you know? maybe it's just me pushing people away or maybe it's just me having a hard time dealing with growing up, it's possible it's both. regardless, it makes me feel very alone and empty, which if you've never felt this way, it's a terrible feeling. it makes me want to hang out with adam 24/7, which he doesn't say it, but i know deep down it has to annoy him. what boy really wants to hang out with his girlfriend EVERY waking minute? bah. who knows. i'm just rambling now, but these are just some things i needed to get off of my chest. on a happier note, i registered for school and i'm going back in august, not to knoxville, but school is school. on that note, i'm signing off for the night.