(no subject)
Listening to New Order. Love it.
Kind of frustrated at being lonely. Kind of assuming the Jean thing won't work just because of my track record. The record where I garnish some sort of entertaining interest, then lose it shortly after for whatever reason. That's fine. But I want someone. I want something that starts from scratch. I saw a girl at Cogan's today. I tapped her on the shoulder while she was leaving and I said, "You look like Paddington Bear!" She had a fedora and scarf. Gosh, she was so cute. But she ran away. But I left a missed connection on craigslist. Who knows. Maybe she'll read it. It says, "you don't really look like paddington bear, you're just really pretty." I thought that was pretty slick.
If it weren't for wanting to meet a girl on New Years, I'd rather just stay in and watch The Fly. Or Straw Dogs.
I'm pretty disappointed. Jean went to a hockey game. Said she might hit me up after. So that's an anticipated "might." But then I imagine she went with someone stupid like Brian and it was a date from a romance that sparked while I was away.
When I stopped in RVA today to see Charlanne, I dropped her off at Ben's house. When we hugged I saw a guy park and look at us and then I all of a sudden got this feeling that I recall. It's that feeling where you say, "Oh no, not him. Don't let her be out with him. Make her bored. Make her want to be with me instead." This feeling would be from Ben's perspective, not mine. I was just recalling being a jealous boyfriend. Ben's obviously got nothing to worry about, nor is he worrying, but I just recalled that feeling that moment. I walked to my car feeling almost a little guilty. The feeling's certainly awkward.
Maybe I feel more like being frustrated than I feel like being in a relationship. I'm the only one in the band single. The only bachelor/bachelorette. I feel handsome. I feel funny. I write, I play music and I think I'm good at both. I have a job. I have a bachelor's degree. I read literature and know a lot about it. If anyone were to ask the people I've slept with in Norfolk (Kate, only Kate) they'd say I was good in bed. Why'd she lose interest, actually?
It's not a good way to evaluate one's self, but it's what one does. It's like when you apply for colleges. You put so much weight on your acceptance. I wonder what's wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Something off-putting?
I think I'll make a playlist of this one New Order song, listening to it 10 times. That should be enough to fall asleep. That's 40 mins.
Kind of frustrated at being lonely. Kind of assuming the Jean thing won't work just because of my track record. The record where I garnish some sort of entertaining interest, then lose it shortly after for whatever reason. That's fine. But I want someone. I want something that starts from scratch. I saw a girl at Cogan's today. I tapped her on the shoulder while she was leaving and I said, "You look like Paddington Bear!" She had a fedora and scarf. Gosh, she was so cute. But she ran away. But I left a missed connection on craigslist. Who knows. Maybe she'll read it. It says, "you don't really look like paddington bear, you're just really pretty." I thought that was pretty slick.
If it weren't for wanting to meet a girl on New Years, I'd rather just stay in and watch The Fly. Or Straw Dogs.
I'm pretty disappointed. Jean went to a hockey game. Said she might hit me up after. So that's an anticipated "might." But then I imagine she went with someone stupid like Brian and it was a date from a romance that sparked while I was away.
When I stopped in RVA today to see Charlanne, I dropped her off at Ben's house. When we hugged I saw a guy park and look at us and then I all of a sudden got this feeling that I recall. It's that feeling where you say, "Oh no, not him. Don't let her be out with him. Make her bored. Make her want to be with me instead." This feeling would be from Ben's perspective, not mine. I was just recalling being a jealous boyfriend. Ben's obviously got nothing to worry about, nor is he worrying, but I just recalled that feeling that moment. I walked to my car feeling almost a little guilty. The feeling's certainly awkward.
Maybe I feel more like being frustrated than I feel like being in a relationship. I'm the only one in the band single. The only bachelor/bachelorette. I feel handsome. I feel funny. I write, I play music and I think I'm good at both. I have a job. I have a bachelor's degree. I read literature and know a lot about it. If anyone were to ask the people I've slept with in Norfolk (Kate, only Kate) they'd say I was good in bed. Why'd she lose interest, actually?
It's not a good way to evaluate one's self, but it's what one does. It's like when you apply for colleges. You put so much weight on your acceptance. I wonder what's wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Something off-putting?
I think I'll make a playlist of this one New Order song, listening to it 10 times. That should be enough to fall asleep. That's 40 mins.