death as a mirror
just ruminating....
Someone close to a friend just died. She was very young, only 22 I think, and had been suffering from epilepsy that was untreatable. Every time I spoke with her, I had a feeling that she hadn't really lived in the years since her epilepsy became bad, and it was always sad.
My thoughts keep drifting back to the friend, and that reflects back to me. What would I do if someone I needed in my life every day didn't wake up tomorrow? Both of my parents have had brushes with the beyond, but they have been relatively stable in the last 6 months or so. Now, it's as if the specter of their mortality is just beyond the next consoling word I say to my friend.
I had a physics professor who would sort of randomly insert the phrase "well, you never know! I could be hit by a bus tomorrow!" into his conversations. It always seemed morbid to me, but the guy was older, and now it seems that he was just at peace with the nature of life.
In this modern society, I've only known a few people who've died. Most of them weren't very close to me, and the ones that were were so far away that I wasn't even a spectator in their going. It makes death foreign and unimaginable. I'm not sure it's frightening; it's more like it lives in some far away country that has no language or customs I can recognize. I've become more familiar with the grief of those left behind, which I wonder isn't prolonged or exacerbated by the rarity and distance of death in our society.
It's hard to write or think of death in terms that aren't cliches. It feels cheap to think, "gather ye rosebuds while ye may," but I'm not equipped with anything better to summon. It also isn't very comforting to those grieving. And faced with something as monumental as death, it's hard to know how to tell the people you have what they mean to you. "What would you say to your best friend if you knew today was your last day with him?" I have NO idea. I wouldn't want to get all dramatic and compose a speech, that would feel unnatural. I'd probably just do what I do everyday, only appreciate it more. It's confusing.
Anyways, I can only imagine what her family and loved ones are going through, and that makes me sad.
Someone close to a friend just died. She was very young, only 22 I think, and had been suffering from epilepsy that was untreatable. Every time I spoke with her, I had a feeling that she hadn't really lived in the years since her epilepsy became bad, and it was always sad.
My thoughts keep drifting back to the friend, and that reflects back to me. What would I do if someone I needed in my life every day didn't wake up tomorrow? Both of my parents have had brushes with the beyond, but they have been relatively stable in the last 6 months or so. Now, it's as if the specter of their mortality is just beyond the next consoling word I say to my friend.
I had a physics professor who would sort of randomly insert the phrase "well, you never know! I could be hit by a bus tomorrow!" into his conversations. It always seemed morbid to me, but the guy was older, and now it seems that he was just at peace with the nature of life.
In this modern society, I've only known a few people who've died. Most of them weren't very close to me, and the ones that were were so far away that I wasn't even a spectator in their going. It makes death foreign and unimaginable. I'm not sure it's frightening; it's more like it lives in some far away country that has no language or customs I can recognize. I've become more familiar with the grief of those left behind, which I wonder isn't prolonged or exacerbated by the rarity and distance of death in our society.
It's hard to write or think of death in terms that aren't cliches. It feels cheap to think, "gather ye rosebuds while ye may," but I'm not equipped with anything better to summon. It also isn't very comforting to those grieving. And faced with something as monumental as death, it's hard to know how to tell the people you have what they mean to you. "What would you say to your best friend if you knew today was your last day with him?" I have NO idea. I wouldn't want to get all dramatic and compose a speech, that would feel unnatural. I'd probably just do what I do everyday, only appreciate it more. It's confusing.
Anyways, I can only imagine what her family and loved ones are going through, and that makes me sad.