(no subject)

Aug 01, 2003 01:01

Ugh...fucking mood swings. I went from happy, to crying in my room, to giggly, to sad and almost crying for no reason, to horny...now I'm kinda like blah

So I was in my room, locked away listening to music and I just started thinking too much and I started crying. I wrote some poems, but I'm only posting two. The others are kinda...personal. They both suck, but whatever.

So anyway...my mom had been bugging me all day like...why don't you hang out with someone blah blah. Last time I checked, it was my life. I don't care if she's not happy with my social life. I don't really care if I don't hang out with anyone. I stopped caring a while ago. This isn't the Sims. I don't have a social bar that I need to keep green. I have no problem with my social life...so why should she? It annoys me so much that she constantly complains about me not doing stuff. Not hanging out with people doesn't make me sad, her complaining about it and acting like I'm retarded when it comes to socializing does. Ok...I'm sorry I don't really like talking on the phone. Does that make me stupid or something? I'm sorry I don't feel the need to be with my friends every fucking second. Does she ever consider that maybe I like being by myself? Or that I like to lay in my room and listen to music? How about that I like to imagine myself away and day dream? I'm sorry I disappoint my mother so much. I'm sorry I'm not "normal". I'm sorry I'm not what she expects me to be. I like hanging out and all...I just really don't feel comfortable around people. Is that such a crime?

Hmm...I was also thinking a lot about my dreams. My dreams are like a pass into reality since I like to sorta make my own reality (some are). I mean like...my dreams that came true weren't really so bad. I think they were just trying to show me what's really going on, so I wouldn't be so clueless and so hurt when it actually happened

And I thought about a lot of stuff...and ripped stuff and all.


Can you help me
Find what I'm looking for
Can you get the key to my heart
And unlock my hidden door

Can you help me
Find this love I'm looking for
Will you take my hand
And show me so much more

Can you help me
Find something better than death
Will you press your lips against mine
And take away my breath


What will it take
To get you to notice me
Should I throw myself into traffic
Or should I jump from a tall tree

Maybe I should slice my wrist
Would you notice me then
Or would I just bleed to death
And you'd go back to ignoring me again

How about if I ripped out my heart
And slammed it onto the floor
Would that get your attention
Or should I do more

Would you notice my lifeless body
Dangling from a rope
Am I trying to hard
Should I just give up hope

How about the sound of my body
Crashing onto the ground
Would you turn your head away from him
Only to turn it back around

~*Jess-Chan*~I hate bleeding for you
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