My Last Breath

[ssj2stephen]

I've come to a realization. My thoughts and idealizations are too personal and controversial at times to be accessed by everyone. I know that I could always just limit my LiveJournal to friends only, but even then I do not feel as safe and secure. Every entry I write I must carefully screen and edit to make sure that I do not offend anyone. Who are these people to tell me what, how, and when I should think/feel/talk about things that I put in this journal.

This is why I am writing this entry. I, after careful deliberation, have decided to stop with this curse of a thing known as a LiveJournal. Besides, my journal is usually filled with morbid and depressing thoughts and we all know how much we love to hear me rant and rave about depressing matters.

I feel as though I am holding my last breath, that I am only truly safe inside of myself. I secretly yearn for a care-free and happy life like most people, but as long as my thoughts roam so freely online, it will never happen. I am too sensitive of a person to be truly honest even in something that I shouldn't feel supressed by when I am writing in it. I am fading to nothing. And because of my constant supression I have been lying to myself about things in which I should not be lying. It's wrong to lie to oneself about one's inner thoughts and feelings.

And with this, my LiveJournal is dead.