(no subject)
Yesterday, I sat in my car, not wanting to go into the Y to exercise. I was talking to my mom, and she was praying over me. She prayed for blessing over me and I just started to cry. I felt like I didn't deserve blessings. I have been such a sinner. I've have continued to make the same sins, over and over again, not really thinking to myself, "How does this make God feel" or thinking "I can just ask for forgiveness after" or "I know this is wrong, but oh well, I'm just going to do it anyway."
I hadn't felt pain for these sins until yesterday, after she prayed for blessing over me. In a weird way, it felt amazing there before God, crying out, "I am such a sinner!! How would I deserve blessing in any way? How could I even receive your favor with me, being so sinful and selfish?"
My heart hasn't been in the right place. The crazy, unfathomable thing about all of this is that God still forgives me, completely. His love is immeasureable. I have started over. I want to change.
But I know.... he is going to shape my heart, mold me, make me into His image.
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I have you forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God. I will save you from all your uncleanness." Ezekial 36:25-28