FIC: Viva la Maternité (R)

[iulia_linnea]

Title: Viva la Maternité (or a story of vomissements, insomnie et amour)
Type: Fic
Prompter: Anonymous
Creator: consumedly
Beta(s): ouatic_7
Rating: R
(Highlight to View) Warning(s): Fertility issues; body hate/acceptance issues; surrogacy.
(Highlight to View) Prompt: Their child's first burst of uncontrolled magic comes as quite the surprise-to everyone.
Note: I

Comments

[prolurk]

I can answer the mistrust of hope. When you've had repeated bad news, and you come to accept that what you want is impossible, you finally can relax into that reality.
They have been forced to accept that the children they love won't be a full part of their world, and they have adapted - everything - to give those cherished little people the best of the world they can.
But...
It may not have to be that way. And there is the realization that when hope left, it took trust with it. Every time they had hope, they were disappointed. The fear of heartbreak is real.
I tell the joke upon myself that when my Beloved got his cancer diagnosis, we were told that this is a form of cancer that can be controlled, but never cured. With careful management, he could live a normal lifespan, but it would always be there, it would always take (forgive me) constant vigilance, and it may well win. OK. We settled in to deal with that certainty.
Years later, as more about the disease was learned, and more new management methods appeared, the new Oncologist, in a new city, said "I think we've got at a cure, here".
Great news, right? (She was right, btw.) But all I could think to say "What do you mean think?" When would we know? It drove me nuts for two days. I had to learn how to live in a new world.

When we were trying to have a second child, and we lost four babies in a row, the sense of betrayal was enormous. We were doing everything right, but the cosmos was playing a sick game of keep-away with us. I wouldn't call it body-shaming at all. It's fury, it's anguish, it's an enormous sense of injustice. And yes, I was angry with my system for not holding on to the lives I loved. But in the end, it wasn't my body's fault. No idea whose it was. We lost more than babies over this. Beloved lost his faith entirely. God and I stayed away from speaking terms for years. I'm still mad at Him, but I've managed to go to church a little again.
We were lucky that we had our son before all this happened. I think that if it had been the other way around, I'd have spent his childhood afraid that something was going to happen to take him away, too.

[prolurk]

Talk about a nightmare journey!
It's hard to come to terms with, but it seems that happens in spite of oneself.
I really loved the story. But it's not mine, btw. Mine was nowhere near this good.

[mt_nestor]

My heart hurts for you, prolurk. You've come through so much. Please know you have many sisters who understand.