(no subject)
ive realized something in the past few days, more than anything in while.
in my opinion thats saying a lot considering my life has changed drastically recently because of realization and coming to know more about who i am in the past few months. to say the least. more than ever before.
my whole life ive been misunderstood. not in the im a rebel without a cause, not in a way as im blaming other people for taking things the wrong way, for me trying to be different or stand out but in a way that ive just never been able to express my feelings. i have, just never the way i wish i could, the way i know im capable of. i have so much in me and i feel like every single person i know has only seen a good 5 percent of it.. if that. and its no one else's fault but my own. not by choice but ive never been one with words and its not anything out of the ordinary, not anything that i havent thought about before or been upset or depressed about. im hard on myself. i always have been, but its the absolute worst feeling in the world. not being able to express yourself, not being able to show how you really feel about something or have so much going on in your head that nothing ever comes out right.
because it doesnt. this isnt some sob story, im not a thirteen year old girl yelling at her parents saying 'you'll never understand' its nothing of the sort.
i just want to know why. know why i cant say anything right and why i chose the words i do and not others. and im figuring it out. i am. but not as fast as i thought.
i have a big heart. i care more about my friends and family and everyone than i could ever think of imagining.
the concept is just unbearable. ive put myself before others in the past. but i could never think of putting myself before the poeple i care most about. i would never go out of my way to try and make someone feel bad. i keep my mouth shut about so much, not because i dont think it should be said but because i think people deserve better. i think everyone does. in a variety of aspects. it hurts so much to see someone i care about hurt. i just have so much pain built up inside of me. im not feeling bad for myself, im not saying that im a better person than anyone. because im not. i know im not.
i just want everyone to know that i love you. i care more for you than you could ever imagine. im sorry if ive ever let you down. reason or without. im sorry if i say things i dont mean. i could say everyone does but im not hear to give excuses.
i just wish, i just hope that maybe some day someone will see me for who i am.
and reason being because i will be able to show them.
everyone can dream, and this is mine.
im not the person you think i am.
i promise im more. thank you for giving me the time of day. knowing that alone, i would die happy at any time.
anyone can dream.
im just tired of upsetting the ones im close to. my insecurities make me feel like a bother more times than not, maybe i am. im tired of excuses. im not giving them.
im just here to give you the time of day.
i feel as though every minute i get closer and closer to finding my purpose.
maybe i will, maybe i wont but either way im going to make something of it, of what i know, of myself.
to anyone that would be enough, but nothing is ever enough.
a certain someone told me something one day that has impacted my life more than anything,
everything could always be better.
and its true.
i know i could, and im sorry for whatever trouble ive caused you. ive caused anyone.
one day youll see the true meaning.
i hope that day is sooner than later, because it means the world.
but what do i know. none of this is how i truly wanted to say it. im just praying that maybe its enough to sort though and find out my true feelings. what i really mean.
i dont deserve any of you.
but im more appreciative than you could ever imagine.
thanks.
<3
in my opinion thats saying a lot considering my life has changed drastically recently because of realization and coming to know more about who i am in the past few months. to say the least. more than ever before.
my whole life ive been misunderstood. not in the im a rebel without a cause, not in a way as im blaming other people for taking things the wrong way, for me trying to be different or stand out but in a way that ive just never been able to express my feelings. i have, just never the way i wish i could, the way i know im capable of. i have so much in me and i feel like every single person i know has only seen a good 5 percent of it.. if that. and its no one else's fault but my own. not by choice but ive never been one with words and its not anything out of the ordinary, not anything that i havent thought about before or been upset or depressed about. im hard on myself. i always have been, but its the absolute worst feeling in the world. not being able to express yourself, not being able to show how you really feel about something or have so much going on in your head that nothing ever comes out right.
because it doesnt. this isnt some sob story, im not a thirteen year old girl yelling at her parents saying 'you'll never understand' its nothing of the sort.
i just want to know why. know why i cant say anything right and why i chose the words i do and not others. and im figuring it out. i am. but not as fast as i thought.
i have a big heart. i care more about my friends and family and everyone than i could ever think of imagining.
the concept is just unbearable. ive put myself before others in the past. but i could never think of putting myself before the poeple i care most about. i would never go out of my way to try and make someone feel bad. i keep my mouth shut about so much, not because i dont think it should be said but because i think people deserve better. i think everyone does. in a variety of aspects. it hurts so much to see someone i care about hurt. i just have so much pain built up inside of me. im not feeling bad for myself, im not saying that im a better person than anyone. because im not. i know im not.
i just want everyone to know that i love you. i care more for you than you could ever imagine. im sorry if ive ever let you down. reason or without. im sorry if i say things i dont mean. i could say everyone does but im not hear to give excuses.
i just wish, i just hope that maybe some day someone will see me for who i am.
and reason being because i will be able to show them.
everyone can dream, and this is mine.
im not the person you think i am.
i promise im more. thank you for giving me the time of day. knowing that alone, i would die happy at any time.
anyone can dream.
im just tired of upsetting the ones im close to. my insecurities make me feel like a bother more times than not, maybe i am. im tired of excuses. im not giving them.
im just here to give you the time of day.
i feel as though every minute i get closer and closer to finding my purpose.
maybe i will, maybe i wont but either way im going to make something of it, of what i know, of myself.
to anyone that would be enough, but nothing is ever enough.
a certain someone told me something one day that has impacted my life more than anything,
everything could always be better.
and its true.
i know i could, and im sorry for whatever trouble ive caused you. ive caused anyone.
one day youll see the true meaning.
i hope that day is sooner than later, because it means the world.
but what do i know. none of this is how i truly wanted to say it. im just praying that maybe its enough to sort though and find out my true feelings. what i really mean.
i dont deserve any of you.
but im more appreciative than you could ever imagine.
thanks.
<3