Back & Forward
I had spent most of the past four days in bed with a bad cold, enormous headache, sore throat, runny nose, slight temprature, constant sneezes.
I probably should mention that I have managed to use up more than three quarters of a newly opened box of Kleenex.
I probably should also mention that anything like this - that messes with my WBC level - is extremely likely to devastate the progress made so far on my P. My plans for returning home early 2006 may also have to be postponed.
There is every reason for me to become worried. The last time I had a cold like this - about a year and a half ago, I was already hospitalised for P at the time, thankfully - it caused a horrible lymph infection and gave me a 39 degrees C fever that ran for nearly two weeks straight. And unfortunately, nothing the docs offered me wanted to work.
It eventually decided to cease after over six weeks of intravenous antibiotics drips that lasted for at least 10 hours a day on average. Veins become very weak and worn after constant and continuous intravenous dripping, making it a slow and painful process. The longest drip I remember started at 8:30am and finally finished at almost 1am the next morning. In fact, the veins on the back of my hands still hurt if rubbed lightly. And there are still visible scars of needle pricks on the back of my hands.
But it is not the process that worries me. It is the result. That particular incident signified the start of flush-down-the-toilet action on nearly two years of time and astronomic effort spent on treatment. It caused a very bad breakout which took an equally long time just to call even.
Emotional disburbances are disadvantageous to my condition. Thankfully, I have learnt long ago to block out all negative emotional reactions in times of distress. I am undisturbed and neutral.
Maybe it's because of this emotional serenity, or maybe it's because I have finally decided to give western medicine a hard kick in the arse. I'd like to think it's both.
Most of the symptoms are gone after just two days' intake of freshly brewed herbal cold medicine. The taste is not particularly appealing, in fact, I would say it's particularly unappealing, but after drinking 250mL of that stuff twice a day for nearly three years non-stop (plus on-and-off for five years before), my taste buds have become completely numb and accustomed to its awful taste.
The good thing - and the important thing - is that although presently my P has taken a step or two backwards, it is still heading in a generally forward direction. :)
---
I had a wonderful conversation with a good friend a few nights ago. We had the most lovely time chatting all night. It had been past midnight when we said good night.
He was being unusually open. Perhaps under the effects of alcohol, but I couldn't really tell. Like I said, his openness was very *unusual*.
We made a deal to get drunk together first thing when I get back home - with a possible date of February or March. It gives me another thing to look forward to, another reason to be optimistic, to keep fighting.
Just thinking about our conversation puts a smile on my face. And given the present situation, every smile is worth a million.
---
Another special friend who is always there to make me smile:
Who else here sleeps like this? ;)
---
Hugs for Wendy. Leave me a comment when you get that LJ working.
I probably should mention that I have managed to use up more than three quarters of a newly opened box of Kleenex.
I probably should also mention that anything like this - that messes with my WBC level - is extremely likely to devastate the progress made so far on my P. My plans for returning home early 2006 may also have to be postponed.
There is every reason for me to become worried. The last time I had a cold like this - about a year and a half ago, I was already hospitalised for P at the time, thankfully - it caused a horrible lymph infection and gave me a 39 degrees C fever that ran for nearly two weeks straight. And unfortunately, nothing the docs offered me wanted to work.
It eventually decided to cease after over six weeks of intravenous antibiotics drips that lasted for at least 10 hours a day on average. Veins become very weak and worn after constant and continuous intravenous dripping, making it a slow and painful process. The longest drip I remember started at 8:30am and finally finished at almost 1am the next morning. In fact, the veins on the back of my hands still hurt if rubbed lightly. And there are still visible scars of needle pricks on the back of my hands.
But it is not the process that worries me. It is the result. That particular incident signified the start of flush-down-the-toilet action on nearly two years of time and astronomic effort spent on treatment. It caused a very bad breakout which took an equally long time just to call even.
Emotional disburbances are disadvantageous to my condition. Thankfully, I have learnt long ago to block out all negative emotional reactions in times of distress. I am undisturbed and neutral.
Maybe it's because of this emotional serenity, or maybe it's because I have finally decided to give western medicine a hard kick in the arse. I'd like to think it's both.
Most of the symptoms are gone after just two days' intake of freshly brewed herbal cold medicine. The taste is not particularly appealing, in fact, I would say it's particularly unappealing, but after drinking 250mL of that stuff twice a day for nearly three years non-stop (plus on-and-off for five years before), my taste buds have become completely numb and accustomed to its awful taste.
The good thing - and the important thing - is that although presently my P has taken a step or two backwards, it is still heading in a generally forward direction. :)
---
I had a wonderful conversation with a good friend a few nights ago. We had the most lovely time chatting all night. It had been past midnight when we said good night.
He was being unusually open. Perhaps under the effects of alcohol, but I couldn't really tell. Like I said, his openness was very *unusual*.
We made a deal to get drunk together first thing when I get back home - with a possible date of February or March. It gives me another thing to look forward to, another reason to be optimistic, to keep fighting.
Just thinking about our conversation puts a smile on my face. And given the present situation, every smile is worth a million.
---
Another special friend who is always there to make me smile:
Who else here sleeps like this? ;)
---
Hugs for Wendy. Leave me a comment when you get that LJ working.