(no subject)
dear friend,
i know i am a flake and i'm sorry. using people for their use-value to me, namely when i need it, is a long-time character defect i've got tow ork on, and i haven't gotten there yet, not to say it doesn't need to be addressed because it obviously affects those i love and care about.. i wish i didn't make it that way but living far and my complete and utter lack of time to do anything besides recovery, school, and work contains me to only the immediate, selfish as that is. you have been on my mind though. a lot actually. a lot a lot. i just haven't found the time to show you which is disgustingly shitty.
basically, i don't even see my mom anymore and i live with her. i don't see my boyfriend for more than 20 minutes before i fall asleep because i'm that busy. and i only see my girlfriends in aa when we're at meetings together by chance. meanwhile, i have a good sponsor who only lets me work on me. i understand where you're coming from and how you feel and i'm sorry and i wish i coudl take time to see you or even call you but i know i can't afford to see anyone or call anyone right now because my life is that hectic. i love you and i can't change the way you feel but i wanted you to know how i've felt about this, because i';ve been very aware of it for a while now. personal amends are steps and steps away fromw here i'm at.. (see: 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous). and i'm still on step 1 and it's almost 3 months clean.
i know through the flake that you'll always be my friend and i'll alwayts be here for you. i couldn't even go to my best guy friend's college graduation before he moved to china ebcause i couldn't make the time. and that was really really important to me. but i know he'll always be there and we'll always be friends and he knows too, that i'll always be here for him.
love always
me
i know i am a flake and i'm sorry. using people for their use-value to me, namely when i need it, is a long-time character defect i've got tow ork on, and i haven't gotten there yet, not to say it doesn't need to be addressed because it obviously affects those i love and care about.. i wish i didn't make it that way but living far and my complete and utter lack of time to do anything besides recovery, school, and work contains me to only the immediate, selfish as that is. you have been on my mind though. a lot actually. a lot a lot. i just haven't found the time to show you which is disgustingly shitty.
basically, i don't even see my mom anymore and i live with her. i don't see my boyfriend for more than 20 minutes before i fall asleep because i'm that busy. and i only see my girlfriends in aa when we're at meetings together by chance. meanwhile, i have a good sponsor who only lets me work on me. i understand where you're coming from and how you feel and i'm sorry and i wish i coudl take time to see you or even call you but i know i can't afford to see anyone or call anyone right now because my life is that hectic. i love you and i can't change the way you feel but i wanted you to know how i've felt about this, because i';ve been very aware of it for a while now. personal amends are steps and steps away fromw here i'm at.. (see: 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous). and i'm still on step 1 and it's almost 3 months clean.
i know through the flake that you'll always be my friend and i'll alwayts be here for you. i couldn't even go to my best guy friend's college graduation before he moved to china ebcause i couldn't make the time. and that was really really important to me. but i know he'll always be there and we'll always be friends and he knows too, that i'll always be here for him.
love always
me