CATCHING UP!
Hey, well it's been a while huh? There's never an easy way to begin after so long... I'll just get into it. It's been 5 years since T, and I can say I'm feeling more happy now when I look in the mirror or move around in my own body than last year even. The process of my transition was very slow (more than what I've seen with other people), but even after 3 plus years, the changes really solidified. I wasn't one of those people who had a lot happening within a year or two...lol... that would've been too easy. This year around my birthday, I noticed I could kinda grow sideburns, so I decided to square them off at the end...and wouldn't you know it... I actually have some facial hair now. It's been nice having sideburns because I've always wanted some ever since the 90210 era...you know...that t.v. show they had back in the 90s. I envied the guys with the sideburns...lol. Plus I can't have any other facial hair besides a mustache at work, so sideburns work well for me. :) My chest is still healing from the revision 8 months later. It's still sore and it swells up even... especially after an 8 hour shift at work. I went in for a visit with the surgeon this morning who did both surgeries (chest and revision), and he says that as long as it's still sore, it'll probably even itself out on the left side. I doubt that, and yes I'm still complaining about one side being bigger than the other. It's better than what it was before, but I'm not just gonna shrug it off because ultimately, I have to live with it. I do walk around with my shirt off a lot at home though so I must feel better about it. Before the revision, I hardly ever did. I noticed because of my some what misshapen chest, I do have to find shirts that fit me in a certain way so it doesn't show. Today was my last visit with my original surgeon. His nurse told me that I needed to come back when it wasn't sore anymore and then we could discuss a revision. I knew that already, but I was doing a following up that I called in and cancelled probably 4 or 5 months ago. I have my eye on another doctor though... I'm really impressed with his work, so we'll see what he says about everything. I'm going to wait another few months to see him though, and let my chest heal more. I'm hoping he won't charge me $5000 dollars for a little lipo sculpting.... because if he does, then I'll just go to this other surgeon that I talked to about a year ago. Maybe she might be more reasonable with the price...lol I don't know.
Also, I did go to this health care center for lower income/people without insurance place to talk with a surgeon/obgyn that was recommended by my nurse practitioner. This place is thoroughly confusing...I got 3 different phone numbers even before I ever went there. Then when I got to the building, I went in the wrong side...and at the end of my visit... I was lost in the halls trying to find my way out. PLUS... my health insurance wouldn't pay for the visit which I have no clue why they needed a further explanation as to why I was there. I almost thought they forgot to bill me because nearly 6 weeks later, I finally got a statement of $158.00 just for talking with these people. *sigh* Anyway, this particular doctor is a professor out at the college, so she had a student/resident doctor with her durying my consultation. The student doctor was really young... maybe in her early to mid twenties...actually kinda cute too. She was the most amazing typist I had ever seen! While I was talking with her, she looked straight at me, and typed without looking much at the computer...lol. When she went to get the other doctor, I swear I heard them calling me "she" through the door, but I couldn't be sure. But they seemed like they didn't have a problem with me because the doctor said she'd do the hysterectomy. She was nice and easy going... I genuinely liked her. I have the surgery scheduled for late September. It has been a few months now and I still haven't gotten an estimate for how much everything will be just because I'm afraid to know. I have to pay for it myself unfortunately...especially if I decide to go with this doctor. If she can't examine me (because I don't use that part of my body much for anything, and never have), there's not much she can diagnose me with...plus I haven't had any problems really. I did have a pap smear about 6 months ago, but it came up inconclusive because they couldn't get enough cells...it causes a lot of pain to have them examine me that way too. This surgeon just said, if she's taking it all out soon anyway, there's no need for an examination. I was glad because I didn't really want to go through it again. I absolutely hate being a man with a vagina. I mean... I guess that's obvious, but the randomness of nature can kiss my ass. More than likely I'll have to cancel the surgery and save up once I get an idea for how much it'll be. I'll be out for a month from work too, which just adds to how much I'll have to pile into savings. I don't want to take on a loan...it's just a pain in the ass having to pay the bank back plus interest. It would suck loosing my job with the state of the economy the way it is now, and trying to find another job while having to pay a $6000 loan. I figure with some "power saving" I could have the money in about a year to a year and a half. Not bad. Ugh, after 5 years, you'd think I'd be done with all this crap. I say that, but really... rushing through it isn't really a wise thing for a few reasons, and one of them is financial.
Another thing I've got to deal with soon is my legal gender change. Yes! I haven't done it yet! lol At first it was because I wanted a chance to use my health insurance for the hysterectomy so I wanted to just leave the gender as female on my documents. My nurse practitioner told me it shouldn't matter...if I have female parts, then I do, and my health insurance can't just sweep it under the rug. Plus I just keep forgetting. I live as a man in every aspect of my life pretty much, and forget about the legal gender change until I take out my ID for something, and I'm like "oh shit I need to get on that."...lol. Seriously, if not for anything, but for my personal safety and less confusion...it needs to be done. I've already contacted the court house, and they don't know what papers I need so they gave me a toll free number to call and talk with some consultants about it. I could just call the DMV though. So here soon I'll do both or either. One thing about Idaho that really gets me is they won't let people legally change their gender on birth certificates. I'm not sure if that applies to people who were born here or what but it's a blatantly prejudice rule that needs to be eliminated. It makes no sense when there will be a paper trail leading back to peoples original birth certificates anyway. PLUS... wouldn't that be exposing someones medical history in some indirect way? I think so. Fucking potato farmers need to pull their heads out! Oh, and for the record...they banned same sex marriage here not long ago too. For what? I don't think it's going to hurt the potatoes... and for as much inbreeding that probably goes on here, I'd be more worried about that...lol. Don't piss me off Idaho!
Well, that was quite a little rant wasn't it? Anyway... what else...ummmmmmm.... as far as transition stuff, yes that's it. I probably won't have more to say about it until I get deeper into the legal gender change stuff or surgery. As far as I'm concerned, those are big things but all in the process of becoming what they will be. I want to talk about other stuff here too...just about life and such...what else is going on, what I'm interested in these days. Stuff like that. I know, I can feel you're at the edge of your seat over it already. I don't blame you... lol just kidding. Stay tuned. :)
Also, I did go to this health care center for lower income/people without insurance place to talk with a surgeon/obgyn that was recommended by my nurse practitioner. This place is thoroughly confusing...I got 3 different phone numbers even before I ever went there. Then when I got to the building, I went in the wrong side...and at the end of my visit... I was lost in the halls trying to find my way out. PLUS... my health insurance wouldn't pay for the visit which I have no clue why they needed a further explanation as to why I was there. I almost thought they forgot to bill me because nearly 6 weeks later, I finally got a statement of $158.00 just for talking with these people. *sigh* Anyway, this particular doctor is a professor out at the college, so she had a student/resident doctor with her durying my consultation. The student doctor was really young... maybe in her early to mid twenties...actually kinda cute too. She was the most amazing typist I had ever seen! While I was talking with her, she looked straight at me, and typed without looking much at the computer...lol. When she went to get the other doctor, I swear I heard them calling me "she" through the door, but I couldn't be sure. But they seemed like they didn't have a problem with me because the doctor said she'd do the hysterectomy. She was nice and easy going... I genuinely liked her. I have the surgery scheduled for late September. It has been a few months now and I still haven't gotten an estimate for how much everything will be just because I'm afraid to know. I have to pay for it myself unfortunately...especially if I decide to go with this doctor. If she can't examine me (because I don't use that part of my body much for anything, and never have), there's not much she can diagnose me with...plus I haven't had any problems really. I did have a pap smear about 6 months ago, but it came up inconclusive because they couldn't get enough cells...it causes a lot of pain to have them examine me that way too. This surgeon just said, if she's taking it all out soon anyway, there's no need for an examination. I was glad because I didn't really want to go through it again. I absolutely hate being a man with a vagina. I mean... I guess that's obvious, but the randomness of nature can kiss my ass. More than likely I'll have to cancel the surgery and save up once I get an idea for how much it'll be. I'll be out for a month from work too, which just adds to how much I'll have to pile into savings. I don't want to take on a loan...it's just a pain in the ass having to pay the bank back plus interest. It would suck loosing my job with the state of the economy the way it is now, and trying to find another job while having to pay a $6000 loan. I figure with some "power saving" I could have the money in about a year to a year and a half. Not bad. Ugh, after 5 years, you'd think I'd be done with all this crap. I say that, but really... rushing through it isn't really a wise thing for a few reasons, and one of them is financial.
Another thing I've got to deal with soon is my legal gender change. Yes! I haven't done it yet! lol At first it was because I wanted a chance to use my health insurance for the hysterectomy so I wanted to just leave the gender as female on my documents. My nurse practitioner told me it shouldn't matter...if I have female parts, then I do, and my health insurance can't just sweep it under the rug. Plus I just keep forgetting. I live as a man in every aspect of my life pretty much, and forget about the legal gender change until I take out my ID for something, and I'm like "oh shit I need to get on that."...lol. Seriously, if not for anything, but for my personal safety and less confusion...it needs to be done. I've already contacted the court house, and they don't know what papers I need so they gave me a toll free number to call and talk with some consultants about it. I could just call the DMV though. So here soon I'll do both or either. One thing about Idaho that really gets me is they won't let people legally change their gender on birth certificates. I'm not sure if that applies to people who were born here or what but it's a blatantly prejudice rule that needs to be eliminated. It makes no sense when there will be a paper trail leading back to peoples original birth certificates anyway. PLUS... wouldn't that be exposing someones medical history in some indirect way? I think so. Fucking potato farmers need to pull their heads out! Oh, and for the record...they banned same sex marriage here not long ago too. For what? I don't think it's going to hurt the potatoes... and for as much inbreeding that probably goes on here, I'd be more worried about that...lol. Don't piss me off Idaho!
Well, that was quite a little rant wasn't it? Anyway... what else...ummmmmmm.... as far as transition stuff, yes that's it. I probably won't have more to say about it until I get deeper into the legal gender change stuff or surgery. As far as I'm concerned, those are big things but all in the process of becoming what they will be. I want to talk about other stuff here too...just about life and such...what else is going on, what I'm interested in these days. Stuff like that. I know, I can feel you're at the edge of your seat over it already. I don't blame you... lol just kidding. Stay tuned. :)