(no subject)
So the other night, me and some friends went out to the movies, to see johnny depp in charle and the chocolate faaactory. the movie was ok, nut i stll pefer the older version. But that not why im writing. Im wirting because as i sat there shying away from my feeling. I was listening to to how the friend were so vividly talkin. It was quite certain that the ppl were best friends.
but something hit me that night, hard. it was not the fact that my parents were disapointed that i thought going to the movies with out makin sure with them. no that added guilt to my ache. No I sat there in the car ride (after the movies) to my house to walk the dogs....
thinking...........................
thinking...........................
what was troubling me??????????????
not the movie, but i couldn't out my finger on it.
I walk dogs, head back to my grandparents house. wheni got there my grandma told me to call my parents, because they called before and didn't like the fact i went out with out them knowing. that is where the guilt sunk in. But i asked my dad before and i heard something differ then he said.
SO after the call i went out to get mulberry leaves, to feed the silk worms, and went out asn sat in the driveway,
thinking.............................................thinking.................................................
whats hitting me so hard???????
(i have gotten these hits before, they are a blow to my soul. i think others dsay its like the world weight is on your shoulders. But i always deal with them myself, because......... welll idk why)
my grandmother came out and broke me from my tranz, so i came back in and feed the worms. After that i went to the computer, my life, where i can spend days nights and weeks on it.
And shut it down.
went to the front room pulled out my bed and thought................................. thought.................
Grandfather: do you want to pick something or watch a blank screen?
me: whatever.
so he turns on the TV and puts on hackers, randomly. so ther i sat staring at the TV not watching but, thinking..................................
the rest of it short. the movie ends i turn of the TV my grand parents head to bed. all the lights went out, every one was a sleep.
But i couldn't.........
still thinking..............
I couldn't stop wondering.......
What bothering......me..........
SO i sat up and tried to relax.
In.......................... Out...........................
Bring the good in............................. Let the bad out................
That felt a little better. As I lay my head down to goto sleep,
whatever hit me
showed its ugly face.
Its....... ITs...... that
I......
I feel..........
ALONE..........
It was the bestfriends that triggered it. they seemed so close, and when I looked for my bestfriend. mentally I looked over my shoulder........
and saw..................
...............
..............
Nothing............................
but something hit me that night, hard. it was not the fact that my parents were disapointed that i thought going to the movies with out makin sure with them. no that added guilt to my ache. No I sat there in the car ride (after the movies) to my house to walk the dogs....
thinking...........................
thinking...........................
what was troubling me??????????????
not the movie, but i couldn't out my finger on it.
I walk dogs, head back to my grandparents house. wheni got there my grandma told me to call my parents, because they called before and didn't like the fact i went out with out them knowing. that is where the guilt sunk in. But i asked my dad before and i heard something differ then he said.
SO after the call i went out to get mulberry leaves, to feed the silk worms, and went out asn sat in the driveway,
thinking.............................................thinking.................................................
whats hitting me so hard???????
(i have gotten these hits before, they are a blow to my soul. i think others dsay its like the world weight is on your shoulders. But i always deal with them myself, because......... welll idk why)
my grandmother came out and broke me from my tranz, so i came back in and feed the worms. After that i went to the computer, my life, where i can spend days nights and weeks on it.
And shut it down.
went to the front room pulled out my bed and thought................................. thought.................
Grandfather: do you want to pick something or watch a blank screen?
me: whatever.
so he turns on the TV and puts on hackers, randomly. so ther i sat staring at the TV not watching but, thinking..................................
the rest of it short. the movie ends i turn of the TV my grand parents head to bed. all the lights went out, every one was a sleep.
But i couldn't.........
still thinking..............
I couldn't stop wondering.......
What bothering......me..........
SO i sat up and tried to relax.
In.......................... Out...........................
Bring the good in............................. Let the bad out................
That felt a little better. As I lay my head down to goto sleep,
whatever hit me
showed its ugly face.
Its....... ITs...... that
I......
I feel..........
ALONE..........
It was the bestfriends that triggered it. they seemed so close, and when I looked for my bestfriend. mentally I looked over my shoulder........
and saw..................
...............
..............
Nothing............................