(no subject)

[ssatan]

There's a certain, appropriate amount of power one's supposed to weild while in a relationship. Wielding too much hurts the other person and robs them of their individuality, and often of their ability to be without you. Not weilding enough is to yield that individuality and to not stick up for yourself or realize your own value. I think I've been one of the former until now. Too proud to yield my heart to someone until I feel they deserve it...often by trials of a sort. I don't want to be that ever again. Unfortunately I think I now tend toward the other side of the spectrum. I had to gain what was left of my dignity by standing up to my ex last night. It scared me because I could see she was hurt by what I said, but it needed to be said. I deserve a lot of things, but regardless of how bad my karma/past might be, she doesn't deserve to treat someone like that. I'm not angry because I have it coming from all the people I've hurt, but other people don't deserve this...and I'm certainly not going to intentionally put myself back into a one-sided relationship, as she wanted, just because I can't get over her in a few days. That'll teach me to be careless with my heart...I guess I thought I should at least try it?

It's not a game. There is no winner in a power-struggle unless the powerful is selfish...which I guess we all are, fundamentally. If we'd just realize that we're not the only ones that matter and, instead of weilding power the way we deam appropriate, release and share it with the other person, we might actually get somewhere.

Oh well, back to school.

Balls