i just want to share these words
This song seems to be so appropriate for how I feel a lot of the time
"North Carolina," Melissa Ferrick
i’m a mile and a half off of the tracks
in Raleigh, North Carolina
with my
foot all jammed up from driving
14 hours
and my body can’t sit upright
hanging around watching the t.v. on mute
listening to all of my money making peers
yeah and it’s
hard not to go to that
place in my head
that’ll stop me from ever leaving this room
yeah and it’s all so confusing
because i’m all worked up
because all my thoughts are tangled into one
panicked line of white noise
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
disappear
because ever since I left you
i’ve got no one to call
i’ve got nothing to do but sit around and think about how I could have not hurt you
I am so sick of feeling so sorry for myself you know I go from I go from insanely happy
to no I don’t want to be around anybody else
i’m not sure if you know exactly how you feel about me so
let me tell you how you
feel about me
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going
disappear
so I pretend i’m connected
I pretend I can feel
I pretend I care about what you think
‘cause intensity
it’s never really
been a problem for me
so i’m sorry if I scared you
I just want to be loved...
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
disappear
i’m a mile and a half off of the tracks
in Raleigh, North Carolina
I went to the Counseling Center this morning for my "intake interview." I really liked the woman I spoke to. I hope I can continue to see her. Wediscussed how a big part of why what's been going on is so painful and so hard for me to dela with is because it's uncovered this hurt inside me that probably comes from past betrayals - old wounds that didn't quite heal. I would certainly agree with that. She also suggested that one of the reasons I feel a loss for what to do is because the pain has made me apathetic, and apathy is not a part of my personality, not a part of who I usually am - when I am my normal, healthy self This I found to be particularly insightful and true, and it explains many past times when I have felt a huge apathy begin to overcome me, and have become completly paralyzed by it. I don't know how to handle the apathy that sadness of this magnitude creates in me, because I am usually such an active, passionate, lively person.
I am going to heal the wounds, becasue they are not permanant.
I am going to stop trying to alienate the people who care about me.
I am going to attempt to curb the paranoia that I've begun to let myself feel.
I am not going to run away, but I am going to allow myself mistakes.
I am going to remember the awesome capacity for love that exists inside me.
And I am going to remember how to use it.
"North Carolina," Melissa Ferrick
i’m a mile and a half off of the tracks
in Raleigh, North Carolina
with my
foot all jammed up from driving
14 hours
and my body can’t sit upright
hanging around watching the t.v. on mute
listening to all of my money making peers
yeah and it’s
hard not to go to that
place in my head
that’ll stop me from ever leaving this room
yeah and it’s all so confusing
because i’m all worked up
because all my thoughts are tangled into one
panicked line of white noise
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
disappear
because ever since I left you
i’ve got no one to call
i’ve got nothing to do but sit around and think about how I could have not hurt you
I am so sick of feeling so sorry for myself you know I go from I go from insanely happy
to no I don’t want to be around anybody else
i’m not sure if you know exactly how you feel about me so
let me tell you how you
feel about me
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going
disappear
so I pretend i’m connected
I pretend I can feel
I pretend I care about what you think
‘cause intensity
it’s never really
been a problem for me
so i’m sorry if I scared you
I just want to be loved...
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
drown out my wanting
drown out the fear
you know that everything i’ve worked for
is just going to
disappear
i’m a mile and a half off of the tracks
in Raleigh, North Carolina
I went to the Counseling Center this morning for my "intake interview." I really liked the woman I spoke to. I hope I can continue to see her. Wediscussed how a big part of why what's been going on is so painful and so hard for me to dela with is because it's uncovered this hurt inside me that probably comes from past betrayals - old wounds that didn't quite heal. I would certainly agree with that. She also suggested that one of the reasons I feel a loss for what to do is because the pain has made me apathetic, and apathy is not a part of my personality, not a part of who I usually am - when I am my normal, healthy self This I found to be particularly insightful and true, and it explains many past times when I have felt a huge apathy begin to overcome me, and have become completly paralyzed by it. I don't know how to handle the apathy that sadness of this magnitude creates in me, because I am usually such an active, passionate, lively person.
I am going to heal the wounds, becasue they are not permanant.
I am going to stop trying to alienate the people who care about me.
I am going to attempt to curb the paranoia that I've begun to let myself feel.
I am not going to run away, but I am going to allow myself mistakes.
I am going to remember the awesome capacity for love that exists inside me.
And I am going to remember how to use it.