(no subject)
During this Fast, I have spent a lot of time in places that I haven't wanted to be. I have spent a lot of time doing things I didn't want to do. None of which were bad or were things I shouldn't be doing. They were just things that I DIDN'T WANT TO DO. And while listening to others complain, I found myself complaining, as well. And I realized that I HATE it when people complain all the time. And I realized that lately I've been one of those people. So I'm going to work on that.
Something completely overwhelmed me the other day. I was online, doing nothing productive, and an old friend started to chat with me. And he asked me if I wanted some Baha'i books for free. And I got really excited because I've been trying to increase my library, and here are all these books for free. But then it struck me: why is he getting rid of all of these books? And I already knew. Just like, a year and a half ago, I already knew that something was wrong as soon as I stepped off of that boat and couldn't check my voicemail. But I asked him anyway. "Why are you getting rid of your books?" And his response made me cry: "Because I don't believe in Baha'u'llah anymore. So I'm offering my books to people who I figure would like them. I've had them in boxes for months, hoping I would look at them, but I haven't." And instantly I had no idea what to say. I mean, I asked him if everything was ok, because people tend to veer away from religion when something bad happens. They either run away from it, or they run towards it. I ran towards it, and that's what I told him. I explained a few parts of my life. And the next day I found myself saying a teaching prayer and looking forward to his next email, because he said he wanted to talk to me about this a bit more. And that's when I realized that I really want to go pioneering.
I've been thinking about it for months now. I've been thinking about just picking everything up and leaving once I'm done with school. I haven't decided yet if I want to leave the country, or just move to some remote city where there are only a few Baha'is. I like both ideas because they're both scary, and they both sound so challenging while being so rewarding. I would love to go and live in another country. I'm not sure how that would work as a pioneer, though. How I could go and be a lawyer in a different country. If I even could. I mean, it would be difficult enough doing that in this country, because I would have to pick a city that needs Baha'is but where I can also get a job, and then take the Bar in that state. But I feel like if I'm doing it in the name of service, it will all end up working out. I've always been a strong believer in, "If you do the things that you're supposed to do, you will be rewarded for it. If you do something difficult that you're supposed to do, Baha'u'llah will make it easier." I've done it. That's why I believe it.
I remember my first or second year in college, I went to a Baha'i college club conference in Chapel Hill. And someone said, "If you do everything that you can and reach as far as you can, then Baha'u'llah will reach the rest of the way." And I just thought that was amazing.
So here goes.
Something completely overwhelmed me the other day. I was online, doing nothing productive, and an old friend started to chat with me. And he asked me if I wanted some Baha'i books for free. And I got really excited because I've been trying to increase my library, and here are all these books for free. But then it struck me: why is he getting rid of all of these books? And I already knew. Just like, a year and a half ago, I already knew that something was wrong as soon as I stepped off of that boat and couldn't check my voicemail. But I asked him anyway. "Why are you getting rid of your books?" And his response made me cry: "Because I don't believe in Baha'u'llah anymore. So I'm offering my books to people who I figure would like them. I've had them in boxes for months, hoping I would look at them, but I haven't." And instantly I had no idea what to say. I mean, I asked him if everything was ok, because people tend to veer away from religion when something bad happens. They either run away from it, or they run towards it. I ran towards it, and that's what I told him. I explained a few parts of my life. And the next day I found myself saying a teaching prayer and looking forward to his next email, because he said he wanted to talk to me about this a bit more. And that's when I realized that I really want to go pioneering.
I've been thinking about it for months now. I've been thinking about just picking everything up and leaving once I'm done with school. I haven't decided yet if I want to leave the country, or just move to some remote city where there are only a few Baha'is. I like both ideas because they're both scary, and they both sound so challenging while being so rewarding. I would love to go and live in another country. I'm not sure how that would work as a pioneer, though. How I could go and be a lawyer in a different country. If I even could. I mean, it would be difficult enough doing that in this country, because I would have to pick a city that needs Baha'is but where I can also get a job, and then take the Bar in that state. But I feel like if I'm doing it in the name of service, it will all end up working out. I've always been a strong believer in, "If you do the things that you're supposed to do, you will be rewarded for it. If you do something difficult that you're supposed to do, Baha'u'llah will make it easier." I've done it. That's why I believe it.
I remember my first or second year in college, I went to a Baha'i college club conference in Chapel Hill. And someone said, "If you do everything that you can and reach as far as you can, then Baha'u'llah will reach the rest of the way." And I just thought that was amazing.
So here goes.