2009
I have decided that I am going to try very hard to be happy this year.
It was difficult laying all those cups of water around the house by myself. It made me remember last year when he did it, and I had to calm myself down. I had to tell myself I would be ok, and that I could do this on my own. Every year that I've known him, he has put down cups of water at each door on New Years Eve. I can't remember the whole story behind it, but it goes back to his family in Puerto Rico and it goes back quite a few years. It is basically to rid the house of all the negative from the previous year, and after midnight you throw the water outside. I'm not superstitious. I don't necessarily believe that negativity can be taken that easily. I simply did it for the comfort of the tradition. Farah did it, too. That sort of surprised me. I didn't think she would remember that. As soon as I read that she had done it, I knew my mother would have given her a hard time about it. But it was still nice that she did it. I know she misses him a lot. I have my own theories as to why, in addition to the fact that she loved him not merely because he loved me. He loved her so much. I think he saw her as a wonderful replacement for the sisters he had never spent time with. He always wanted what was best for her. She wasn't just my sister. She was his, too.
Anyway, I think this year is going to be good. I'm going to try very hard to be happy. I am going to try to not allow things to distress me. That should be interesting, but highly beneficial if I succeed.
All I know is that for years I've been craving happiness. And I always, in the back of my mind, thought that happiness would include him. For 5 years, I was lucky enough to have that. I still feel him everyday, just in a way that doesn't involve his arms or his lips. I just hope he knew that I never stopped loving him.
ANYWAY, so back to the happiness.
I am slowly dedicating myself to exercising, and I am looking forward to being wholly devoted to school. I'm hoping to keep my job so that simply living will be easier, but realistically not having a job would help with school. Regardless, I'd prefer to have both.
I guess all there is left to say is, Happy New Year! Come on 2009! Brang it!
It was difficult laying all those cups of water around the house by myself. It made me remember last year when he did it, and I had to calm myself down. I had to tell myself I would be ok, and that I could do this on my own. Every year that I've known him, he has put down cups of water at each door on New Years Eve. I can't remember the whole story behind it, but it goes back to his family in Puerto Rico and it goes back quite a few years. It is basically to rid the house of all the negative from the previous year, and after midnight you throw the water outside. I'm not superstitious. I don't necessarily believe that negativity can be taken that easily. I simply did it for the comfort of the tradition. Farah did it, too. That sort of surprised me. I didn't think she would remember that. As soon as I read that she had done it, I knew my mother would have given her a hard time about it. But it was still nice that she did it. I know she misses him a lot. I have my own theories as to why, in addition to the fact that she loved him not merely because he loved me. He loved her so much. I think he saw her as a wonderful replacement for the sisters he had never spent time with. He always wanted what was best for her. She wasn't just my sister. She was his, too.
Anyway, I think this year is going to be good. I'm going to try very hard to be happy. I am going to try to not allow things to distress me. That should be interesting, but highly beneficial if I succeed.
All I know is that for years I've been craving happiness. And I always, in the back of my mind, thought that happiness would include him. For 5 years, I was lucky enough to have that. I still feel him everyday, just in a way that doesn't involve his arms or his lips. I just hope he knew that I never stopped loving him.
ANYWAY, so back to the happiness.
I am slowly dedicating myself to exercising, and I am looking forward to being wholly devoted to school. I'm hoping to keep my job so that simply living will be easier, but realistically not having a job would help with school. Regardless, I'd prefer to have both.
I guess all there is left to say is, Happy New Year! Come on 2009! Brang it!