(no subject)
how so much has happened and i don't know where to begin, go figure. when will i ever learn to update more often. i've gone to a halloween party here and it was pretty fun only cos i was there with my friends and of course jay and well.... me and jay have made pass 3 months, so official he is my longest bf, i'm sooo sooo soooooooooo happy. mom seems to want to spend more time with him, which is very werid considering that she never really wants my other bf to come around. but anyways, that some good news. some bad news yesterday it seemed to me that cat thought that i've been changing with everything that is going on in my life and it seemed like she thought it was a bad thing. she said that i was blinded, yet never said what i couldn't see, and she thinks that i don't speak my mind about anything any more. which was pretty upseting, cos people around still know how i feel and when you make me mad you know it! i mean even mandi my roomie haven't been getting along really and now she is just really annoying me but she even knows when i'm mad at her, despite that fact that cat thinks i don't say anything. i mean yes i may not be as harsh as i once was but i'm sick of hurting people's feeling cos i feel a certain and when i go off i just go off and stuff comes flying out of my mouth. and i try not to do that. and then another thing is that she thinks that jay is rubbing off on me. he is a laid-back, very relaxed person that doesn't really let anything bother. i think i've only seen him just really mad one time and that was it. and that part of him has rubbed off and i don't let the everyday things that use to upset me, get me that way anymore and i'm happier for it. so what is so bad about this change??? anyways enough of that subject.
cat told me the other day that she and billy (a mutual friend of cat, jay, and me) talked about the relationship i have with jay and they just don't want to see either one of us get hurt when jay leaves for basic and i try and go and do my thing. so that got me thinking and i tried to talk to jay about it and he didn't really want to or he just didn't know what to say. but later that night he said that he loved me!!!!!!!!!!!! but it just didn't have the impact i thought would have on me cos it just made me think if he loves me then why is it that he wouldn't talk to me about our relationship soo that most of that weekend i was just stuck in limbo, not happy not sad not mad, i was just there. then i got to see him saturday after saying my goodbyes to catina and bryan :( they left for guam and they are going to be there for 3 years :( which just more or less put me at ease about the whole thing just by seeing him and yes i was mad that i haven't heard anything from him since i last saw him grrr. but when i got there he did feel bad about it and everything and he really had a bad day and didn't want to talk to anyone, and like who hasn't had one of those days. but he knew that if he goes on a trip and when he comes back he needs to give me a call. then we said goodbye and he said that he loves me again and again i couldn't say anything in return and i really want to say it but i also really really wanted to know where this whole thing is going. then when i get back to ecu sunday. we finally talk about it. and we both feel the same about it. and just the short we are both going to try to keep up with the relationship even if it means to have a long distance one for a long time. i'm just really hoping that it all works out. but i also feel that if he is the one i'm meant to be with it will work out. so now i can't wait to go back home that way i can tell him face to face how i feel about him like he did last week :)
cat told me the other day that she and billy (a mutual friend of cat, jay, and me) talked about the relationship i have with jay and they just don't want to see either one of us get hurt when jay leaves for basic and i try and go and do my thing. so that got me thinking and i tried to talk to jay about it and he didn't really want to or he just didn't know what to say. but later that night he said that he loved me!!!!!!!!!!!! but it just didn't have the impact i thought would have on me cos it just made me think if he loves me then why is it that he wouldn't talk to me about our relationship soo that most of that weekend i was just stuck in limbo, not happy not sad not mad, i was just there. then i got to see him saturday after saying my goodbyes to catina and bryan :( they left for guam and they are going to be there for 3 years :( which just more or less put me at ease about the whole thing just by seeing him and yes i was mad that i haven't heard anything from him since i last saw him grrr. but when i got there he did feel bad about it and everything and he really had a bad day and didn't want to talk to anyone, and like who hasn't had one of those days. but he knew that if he goes on a trip and when he comes back he needs to give me a call. then we said goodbye and he said that he loves me again and again i couldn't say anything in return and i really want to say it but i also really really wanted to know where this whole thing is going. then when i get back to ecu sunday. we finally talk about it. and we both feel the same about it. and just the short we are both going to try to keep up with the relationship even if it means to have a long distance one for a long time. i'm just really hoping that it all works out. but i also feel that if he is the one i'm meant to be with it will work out. so now i can't wait to go back home that way i can tell him face to face how i feel about him like he did last week :)