(no subject)
Today was a coniderably good day. School was school. After achool was a bit stressful, and I thought work would be the worst part of the day. But it was one of the better parts. It's been quite a while since I've trusted someone I didn't know very well enough to spill my guts nearly completely to them. I got some helpful advice, that while I may have kind of knew it deep down somewhere, it was a big relief to hear someone say it out loud. It was brutally honest, but in the best way possible.
I'm still really confused right now. I've just come to this weird point where I find myself asking "Okay.....what do I do now?" I've got huge plans coming up relatively soon, but nothing's happening in the present. I feel like I'm wasting time and not appreciating things enough. It's just such an awkward feeling. I don't know where to go from here.
I'm going to the middle-of-no-where TN this weekend. But it'll be nice because I miss my dad and need to get out of the monotonous school/work routine.
I woke up with this stunningly strong urge to buzz my hair again. But I didn't. I can't figure out what's holding me back from doing it though. I spent 6 monthes purifieng myself. I got almost all of the vanity, selfishness, hate, bias, and material attachment out of my system. But the second my hair grows back and people start treating me like...a person..and guys start giving me attention again it's like BAM it all comes back. And now I can't seem to go through with it again. Soon though. very soon.
I'm tired. If i don't stop vomitting up words now, who knows what I'll say. So. Good night.