(no subject)
I was watching Ally McBeal earlier today and she said something that made me think. She was talking to Billy and she said, "I'm not ashamed of wanting someone to love, because I had it once. But, maybe I never had it." Makes you wonder, what triggers someone to fall in love? And when they are in love, how do they know? I know that everyone says that they are in love, or that they've fallen in love, or even sometimes that they have found that special someone that they can spend the rest of their lives with, but how do they know? You have these freshmen girls that go around, claiming to be in love, but do they really know what love is? Love's scary. To me at least. Loving someone just always seems like an invitation to more hurt. I don't want to fall in love. As stupid and selfish as this sounds, I almost forgot how painful it is to get hurt. I had forgotton that I was not strong enough to be alright with losing someone I cared about. This sucks. Like, it sucks alot. I've felt so bad about hurting other people that I haven't taken time to consider my feelings. As bitchy and cruel as I may come off sometimes, I fall hard when I'm hurt. I can't just bounce back into a relationship and be ok. I take time, and I've taken alot of time since my last real relationship. The time I've taken has made me scared to be in a relationship because of the pain and it has also made me tired of trying to love someone. Not even love, just like. I want to fall in love, but sometimes.... it just feels like I'll never be "ok" enough to want to.