The real me has returned

[sreetle]

I love when I radomly stumble upon anythign inspiring, whether I know the person it's coming from or not. Today while reading a blog by a friend of a friend on My Space (of all places to find life changing inspirational literature...) I realized that I don't quite have the BALLS I used to. For any of you that know me, I've always been very headstrong and outspoken. Sometimes obnoxious, which is fine, too. But for the last few years, I've lived by the rule that I won't regret the things I do. If I do it, I better damn well be proud of it. Or else I don't want to be in my own skin. And so, it's sad to review that in the last few months, I've found myself second guessing everything I do, or being ashamed of feelings I have. Today I'm saying FUCK IT. Fuck me being small, and intimidated, and defeated. No one can defeat me but myself - which is exactly the only person I've been defeated by in the last few months. I keep pointing the finger at someone else, or anyone else, to take the guilt of not owning up to who I am and who I want to be. And to that, I am also saying FUCK IT. Just because things aren't going my way, just because I have strong feelings that I never knew were inside me, just because I can't throw all of myself carelessly into the wind...

I'm not defeated so easily. I refuse to be!

"I make my own mistakes, and I'd rather have made them for Love or Heartache than any other reasons I can name...I love, and failing with your heart on your sleeve and a clean conscience isn't any fucking reason to mourn...I did better than I had any right, in business and in other things, and I think I'd rather feel pride than spite if no one has any objections."