Restless
I went to see The Milk Carton Kids yesterday and now it feels like I'm walking around the city in a haze.
I'm not sure why the show was so affecting (besides them being brilliant, of course. But I've seen other brilliant gigs and not fallen through the looking glass). I cried at the show, naturally.
It was the first concert I've been to on my own in a long time. And these boys... I should have known better than to not bring reinforcements. At any given moment I usually have in the back of my head the feeling that I want to get away and move somewhere new, as if I'm nostalgic for a memory I haven't created yet but want to recreate (I'm not sure that makes sense but I don't think there's a better way to put it) but these boys have a way of knocking that pebble of a thought loose in my head every time.
So I took the hour long walk home from the concert to think about how I feel like I'm done in Toronto. Like I've done all that I can here. I know that's not true but it's how I feel for now at least.
I am almost done articling. May 30, I finish. I have bought my barrister's robes. My Certificate of Articles has been filed. My Call to the Bar ceremony has been set for June 21, 2013. I'm at the end of this journey.
Of course I'm at the beginning too because now I get to start my professional career. And that's what I've been waiting to do for the 9 years since graduating high school and getting two degrees.
But I can't help but feel a little caged in. My license to practice law is only valid in Ontario and I have to take another set of exams for every province/state/country that I want to move to and practice in.
I also have no clue where or if I'll be employed after May 30. I might be able to stay at my present firm but I know that will leave me as miserable as I've been with work over the last few months. I have an interview lined up for somewhere else and the hours/treatment would be better there but I would enjoy the work considerably less because it's a lot less challenging.
So I'm back to feeling like I've done all I can here in Toronto for now. And whatever my next step is, it'll be me settling for something.
I don't know. I'm restless.
Why isn't all this easier?
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