fat bad day
I hate days where I feel so incredibly unhappy with myself, because I just end up feeling selfish for not liking myself because I should feel fortunate I have things others don't. The past week I have really noticed how much I've changed this year. Lord knows if it's for the better or not. I think I've finally outgrown my perfect student/teacher's pet personality. Mr. Mcintyre is the only teacher who really really likes me at the moment. As I handed him my exam today, he looks at me and stutters out, "Stephanie, you're good. Very good." He said it with a smile and it sounded genuine, so for him I know that's a big deal. For some reason he really liked me a lot this semester, which is pretty ironic considering I would think I'd be the kind of person he just couldn't tolerate or stand at all.
Major body image issues today. I need to stop looking through magazines. And I need to get my ass into the gym more often. I feel so self-conscious and now that Spain is getting closer it would be nice to look good in clothes and feel confident about what I'm wearing, regardless what size I am. It would just make me really happy to be able to go on the trip and not worry about any of that. Going to the gym more often may spur that confidence boost.
School is just eating me alive. Everyday for the past 2 weeks there's been some point throughout the day where I've wanted to cry, right in the middle of class, not even caring if anyone is watching. And I've come pretty close to just losing it. I know I shouldn't let something pathetic like school get the best of me, but it does, and I need to come to terms with the fact that I am just a slave to IB and Riverwood.
I just want some happiness again. I don't want to fall back into bad cycles. If anything is to be learned from this year, it's that anything that is possible to happen again, is bound to.
Major body image issues today. I need to stop looking through magazines. And I need to get my ass into the gym more often. I feel so self-conscious and now that Spain is getting closer it would be nice to look good in clothes and feel confident about what I'm wearing, regardless what size I am. It would just make me really happy to be able to go on the trip and not worry about any of that. Going to the gym more often may spur that confidence boost.
School is just eating me alive. Everyday for the past 2 weeks there's been some point throughout the day where I've wanted to cry, right in the middle of class, not even caring if anyone is watching. And I've come pretty close to just losing it. I know I shouldn't let something pathetic like school get the best of me, but it does, and I need to come to terms with the fact that I am just a slave to IB and Riverwood.
I just want some happiness again. I don't want to fall back into bad cycles. If anything is to be learned from this year, it's that anything that is possible to happen again, is bound to.