I found a note in my desk
I've been going through all my stuff, recently, trying to decide what to take to olympia and what to throw away and what to stash. I was cleaning out my old writing desk and i found a whole bunch of notes from old lovers or old friends ... a few pictures of awesome friends i had forgot about or people who moved away. I found this one note that struck me as quite peculiar.
{pretty much every ex-story of mine is like some knock off american pie nonsense. this story is gonna be gorey with the details}
The only girl ive ever broken up with was Anna Pieratt. Yeah ... i went out with anna pieratt for like 4 or 5 months. What of it? She was actually really loving and ... sexual. The downside is i listened to good music and she listened to KoRn and Limp Bizkit and fucking Savage Garden. I remember calling her once and she just turned on the stereo and sang like 5 songs from savage garden. I waited patiently for her to finish and she asked me what i though ... i told her in a calm, sweet voice, "I don't really like Savage Garden ... although your singing was really pretty."
She started crying right there. She told me I sucked and all this blah blah youre worthless shit ... all while balling about me not liking a band.
I just told her i would talk to her in the morning and hung up.
thats a good way of describing our relationship: me trying really hard to make it work, and her completely freaking out over nothing. Here's the gorey part:
after 2 months of heavy petting we decide it's time to have sex. We're mature enough (we thought) to handle the complexities of love making. It was my birthday ... and the sex was my present. Ill skip most the personal details and just leave it up to your imagination with an equation:
Anna's Braces + My penis + blood loss = about an inch scar on my wank.
3 weeks go by and im an injured puppy. She just makes it worse and worse and worse by doing everything she can to make me horny (and in school too. side story: i was a teacher's assisstant in spanish because i fucking adored that class. and the teacher was the shit. anyway, Anna was a student in spanish 1 which i was the ta for ... and mr. bailey's brother had died before the start of the semester, so i was his crutch for most of the classes. anna starts rubbing up on me in class as im doing work and i just ask her to stop ... she giggles and keeps going ... im trying to focus on correcting tests and there's this burning pain on my happy stick ... she keeps laughing ... mr. bailey is losing it ... im trying my damnedest to remain calm ... i just say "Go back to your seat and please let me fucking finish" .... she cries again and ignores me).
3 weeks later im mostly healed. And she wants sex again ... after my awesome birthday present. I want to do anything to make her happy and even if i didn't want to have sex ... i even-more-so didn't want to make her upset. So my parents leave the house for a while ... like 4 hours ... and i call anna ... and she comes over and we go to the shell station to buy condoms (totally dryden style) and this is where the story may get a little to personal for some people:
We go to my room and turn the lights off and i give her a little mouth action and then we commence to love making ... we go from my bed to the bathroom counter (all of this in the dark i might add, too) to the recliner (in front of the tv), when it finally happens:
She's on top of me and slamming herself down ... when i fall out ... and she continues ... and the loudest most painful crack ive ever felt or heard resonates from my peener. it felt like it broke in half. I couldn't help it, i pushed her off of me onto the ground and shed a single tear in intense pain and checked to see if i had broken anything ... so i turn on the lights ... and there's blood all over my lap ... and hands ... and chest ... and there's bloody handprints all over the chair and coming through the hallway ... i traced it all the way back to my room ... there were bloody hand prints everywhere ... anna's crying ... and she's trying to say something ... i check the bathroom and in the mirror my face is bloody.
oh god. it's not from me thank you ... but wait .... where did all this bloo-? ... ANNA! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE ON YOUR PERIOD!
i puked ... kicked her out ... got the bleach and did some hard labor to forget about her ... my parents came home later and the blood was all gone ... and my penis was feeling better ... i just went to bed.
the next day at school i wrote her this long letter describing the list of things that i just let slide and why i couldn't take it anymore ... i couldn't take all the pointless guilt and all the name calling and the constant torture and comments ....
She kind of stalked me a bit afterwards ... and i had to tell her off again. i felt like a big jerk for a long while. I had never ever ever broken up with any girl ive been with except her. It was hard to do. I'm a pleasure person ... i love pleasing people ... so when i hurt someone ... it's a bitch.
I've never really told all that many people this story. I had damn near forgot about it until i found that note which is understandable i guess ... my id was going to block out the pain and bad memories.
i guess the punchline to this post (which im sure none of you will get this far) is that a couple years later ... anna and her good buddy amanda were at the ONLY black guy in leavenworth's house. They started drinking his booze while he was at work ... got all drunk and horny ... took some pictures (which ERMATT saw [he was on jury duty for the trial]) see, they say that the black guy raped them. Which is total nonsense if you know anna and amanda. After the trial i saw amanda working at mcdonalds and she actually started off not by saying "HI ITS BEEN A WHILE" but by saying "DAVE DID YOU HEAR I GOT RAPED!?"
wow. she's pregnant now and im sure anna is experimenting with a rosie o'donnel look alike now that ive fucked her up so.
oh and the note in the topic was from her ... it just says how incredible i am in bed. I think i'll keep it because i am now an egomaniac.
{pretty much every ex-story of mine is like some knock off american pie nonsense. this story is gonna be gorey with the details}
The only girl ive ever broken up with was Anna Pieratt. Yeah ... i went out with anna pieratt for like 4 or 5 months. What of it? She was actually really loving and ... sexual. The downside is i listened to good music and she listened to KoRn and Limp Bizkit and fucking Savage Garden. I remember calling her once and she just turned on the stereo and sang like 5 songs from savage garden. I waited patiently for her to finish and she asked me what i though ... i told her in a calm, sweet voice, "I don't really like Savage Garden ... although your singing was really pretty."
She started crying right there. She told me I sucked and all this blah blah youre worthless shit ... all while balling about me not liking a band.
I just told her i would talk to her in the morning and hung up.
thats a good way of describing our relationship: me trying really hard to make it work, and her completely freaking out over nothing. Here's the gorey part:
after 2 months of heavy petting we decide it's time to have sex. We're mature enough (we thought) to handle the complexities of love making. It was my birthday ... and the sex was my present. Ill skip most the personal details and just leave it up to your imagination with an equation:
Anna's Braces + My penis + blood loss = about an inch scar on my wank.
3 weeks go by and im an injured puppy. She just makes it worse and worse and worse by doing everything she can to make me horny (and in school too. side story: i was a teacher's assisstant in spanish because i fucking adored that class. and the teacher was the shit. anyway, Anna was a student in spanish 1 which i was the ta for ... and mr. bailey's brother had died before the start of the semester, so i was his crutch for most of the classes. anna starts rubbing up on me in class as im doing work and i just ask her to stop ... she giggles and keeps going ... im trying to focus on correcting tests and there's this burning pain on my happy stick ... she keeps laughing ... mr. bailey is losing it ... im trying my damnedest to remain calm ... i just say "Go back to your seat and please let me fucking finish" .... she cries again and ignores me).
3 weeks later im mostly healed. And she wants sex again ... after my awesome birthday present. I want to do anything to make her happy and even if i didn't want to have sex ... i even-more-so didn't want to make her upset. So my parents leave the house for a while ... like 4 hours ... and i call anna ... and she comes over and we go to the shell station to buy condoms (totally dryden style) and this is where the story may get a little to personal for some people:
We go to my room and turn the lights off and i give her a little mouth action and then we commence to love making ... we go from my bed to the bathroom counter (all of this in the dark i might add, too) to the recliner (in front of the tv), when it finally happens:
She's on top of me and slamming herself down ... when i fall out ... and she continues ... and the loudest most painful crack ive ever felt or heard resonates from my peener. it felt like it broke in half. I couldn't help it, i pushed her off of me onto the ground and shed a single tear in intense pain and checked to see if i had broken anything ... so i turn on the lights ... and there's blood all over my lap ... and hands ... and chest ... and there's bloody handprints all over the chair and coming through the hallway ... i traced it all the way back to my room ... there were bloody hand prints everywhere ... anna's crying ... and she's trying to say something ... i check the bathroom and in the mirror my face is bloody.
oh god. it's not from me thank you ... but wait .... where did all this bloo-? ... ANNA! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE ON YOUR PERIOD!
i puked ... kicked her out ... got the bleach and did some hard labor to forget about her ... my parents came home later and the blood was all gone ... and my penis was feeling better ... i just went to bed.
the next day at school i wrote her this long letter describing the list of things that i just let slide and why i couldn't take it anymore ... i couldn't take all the pointless guilt and all the name calling and the constant torture and comments ....
She kind of stalked me a bit afterwards ... and i had to tell her off again. i felt like a big jerk for a long while. I had never ever ever broken up with any girl ive been with except her. It was hard to do. I'm a pleasure person ... i love pleasing people ... so when i hurt someone ... it's a bitch.
I've never really told all that many people this story. I had damn near forgot about it until i found that note which is understandable i guess ... my id was going to block out the pain and bad memories.
i guess the punchline to this post (which im sure none of you will get this far) is that a couple years later ... anna and her good buddy amanda were at the ONLY black guy in leavenworth's house. They started drinking his booze while he was at work ... got all drunk and horny ... took some pictures (which ERMATT saw [he was on jury duty for the trial]) see, they say that the black guy raped them. Which is total nonsense if you know anna and amanda. After the trial i saw amanda working at mcdonalds and she actually started off not by saying "HI ITS BEEN A WHILE" but by saying "DAVE DID YOU HEAR I GOT RAPED!?"
wow. she's pregnant now and im sure anna is experimenting with a rosie o'donnel look alike now that ive fucked her up so.
oh and the note in the topic was from her ... it just says how incredible i am in bed. I think i'll keep it because i am now an egomaniac.