(no subject)
Ugh. I dont know why we still live in fucked up connecticut. We all went to Delaware for my aunt's wedding and it was nice. Emily sang (and I usually hate her singing but somehow it came out really nice), and I did the blessing (Ok I freaked my mom out when I told her that I still didn't know what it meant..). On the way there, we took 2 cars. Of course, It ended up being a fuckin convoy of 3 vehicles, well 2 cars and a fucked up peice of shit van that I was glad I wasnt in.I rode with my dad in "our" car. When I say "our" I mean that my dad drives it and I'll use it when I need to. It was just dad and me sitting in the car, listening to 106.9 (wccc) in ct, then KRock in New York and part of Jersey, and then WYSP when we were near Philly. They were awesome rock stations. They played everything from seether, to breaking benjamin to whatever the older stuff was. We listened to the Booker Show on KRock and that guy is fucked up. It was hilarious though.
Then we get stuck in traffic and the skies open up and we get poured on! So of course, the van decided to have broken windshield wipers. This pissed dad the fuck off. We left around 12-ish and we didnt get there until about 5-6-ish.
We spent Friday doing NOTHING. It was fuckin boring as hell.
Saturday was really nice. The weather was perfect for their wedding.... it was outside of a court office. It was short, sweet and down to the point. Just for those who read this (well really, me), I actually wore some nice clothes. Yes, I admit it, I wore a tie. I did the blessing, and sat down and drank like an entire bottle of this "de-alcoholized" wine. It was good. Oh and by the way, "de-alcoholization" means 0.5% alcohol, so I could have gotten a little happy, but not much. I got fucking tired though! We got back to my aunt's house and I just passed out on the couch from 7 PM until sometime in the morning.
Sunday was incredible. We went to Ocean City, Maryland. I was the only person in my entire family that had the guts to go into the ocean and swim in double-overhead waves. I admit, it was a lot of fun to do, but I did get hurt from it. 2 waves combined and picked me up and slammed me on my shoulder on the sand bar (I wasn't tossed, I was just dropped), but either way, I'm hurting still (of course this was yesterday). I ended up buying nothing to bring home as a souvinier (fuck spelling). There was this play it safe thing going on and I just walked over to see what it was. I got a free bus pass to use for a week (even though I was staying for another 15 minutes), and a T-shirt (that doesn't fit me but still it says Ocean City on it.). Come to think of it, i did get some good stuff. I got sand in my shoes (I love the feel of sand in my shoes), and 3 rolls of pictures taken... hopefully they wont look all fucked up.
When I was at the beach, I also sat on my towel and looked out onto the Atlantic, and I got a lot of thinking done. I need to make some serious changes to my life. I need to stop this "I dont believe in falling in love" shit. I just blocked all my emotions out and I've become a lifeless drone. I also need to get a job. I'm going to do some temp shit. I can't do RGIS, those people suck. I'm finally going to put some effort in losing more gut. I hate this stuff on me. I didn't over eat or anything, but it's there, and I am going to get rid of it, one way or another. I also decided that it's time to tell Heidi that we need to part ways. She's still doing the "I love you" bit, and she's giving me more expensive stuff that I don't need. I feel like she's becoming a crutch, and I don't need that on my conscience. One way or another, I'm going to just tell her "I think this is the time where we part ways.". Of course there's reunion's and stuff, and she'll try to sneak something in to me, and of course I'm going to refuse it. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but I feel like if I don't do something now, my life will get worse.
Ok, so we got home today. My mom gives me some mail, I open it and it's a collection notice saying I owe $205.94 to my old bank. I am freaking out about it. I didnt do a single thing to deserve this. Of course though, as soon as the door's closed the fighting re-ignited. I only wish that I could live outside of CT. Of course the Sound Tigers are here, but if it means getting all the shit that I'm going through now, I'll pass.
here are lyrics to the song of the moment
Rain - Breaking Benjamin---
TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH IT'LL BE THE LAST NOT A DOLLAR OR A CROWD
COULD EVER KEEP ME HERE I DON'T HAVE A PAST I JUST HAVE A CHANCE
NOT A FAMILY OR HONEST PLEA REMAINS TO SAY RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY ALL THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR THE SUN
IS IT YOU I WANT OR JUST THE NOTION OF A HEART TO WRAP
AROUND SO I CAN FIND MY WAY AROUND SAFE TO SAY FROM
HERE YOUR GETTING CLOSER NOW WE ARE NEVER SAD CAUSE WE
ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE RAIN RAIN GO AWAY TO LIE HERE UNDER YOU
IS ALL THAT I COULD EVER DO TO LIE HERE UNDER YOU IS ALL
emo aint it?
Then we get stuck in traffic and the skies open up and we get poured on! So of course, the van decided to have broken windshield wipers. This pissed dad the fuck off. We left around 12-ish and we didnt get there until about 5-6-ish.
We spent Friday doing NOTHING. It was fuckin boring as hell.
Saturday was really nice. The weather was perfect for their wedding.... it was outside of a court office. It was short, sweet and down to the point. Just for those who read this (well really, me), I actually wore some nice clothes. Yes, I admit it, I wore a tie. I did the blessing, and sat down and drank like an entire bottle of this "de-alcoholized" wine. It was good. Oh and by the way, "de-alcoholization" means 0.5% alcohol, so I could have gotten a little happy, but not much. I got fucking tired though! We got back to my aunt's house and I just passed out on the couch from 7 PM until sometime in the morning.
Sunday was incredible. We went to Ocean City, Maryland. I was the only person in my entire family that had the guts to go into the ocean and swim in double-overhead waves. I admit, it was a lot of fun to do, but I did get hurt from it. 2 waves combined and picked me up and slammed me on my shoulder on the sand bar (I wasn't tossed, I was just dropped), but either way, I'm hurting still (of course this was yesterday). I ended up buying nothing to bring home as a souvinier (fuck spelling). There was this play it safe thing going on and I just walked over to see what it was. I got a free bus pass to use for a week (even though I was staying for another 15 minutes), and a T-shirt (that doesn't fit me but still it says Ocean City on it.). Come to think of it, i did get some good stuff. I got sand in my shoes (I love the feel of sand in my shoes), and 3 rolls of pictures taken... hopefully they wont look all fucked up.
When I was at the beach, I also sat on my towel and looked out onto the Atlantic, and I got a lot of thinking done. I need to make some serious changes to my life. I need to stop this "I dont believe in falling in love" shit. I just blocked all my emotions out and I've become a lifeless drone. I also need to get a job. I'm going to do some temp shit. I can't do RGIS, those people suck. I'm finally going to put some effort in losing more gut. I hate this stuff on me. I didn't over eat or anything, but it's there, and I am going to get rid of it, one way or another. I also decided that it's time to tell Heidi that we need to part ways. She's still doing the "I love you" bit, and she's giving me more expensive stuff that I don't need. I feel like she's becoming a crutch, and I don't need that on my conscience. One way or another, I'm going to just tell her "I think this is the time where we part ways.". Of course there's reunion's and stuff, and she'll try to sneak something in to me, and of course I'm going to refuse it. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but I feel like if I don't do something now, my life will get worse.
Ok, so we got home today. My mom gives me some mail, I open it and it's a collection notice saying I owe $205.94 to my old bank. I am freaking out about it. I didnt do a single thing to deserve this. Of course though, as soon as the door's closed the fighting re-ignited. I only wish that I could live outside of CT. Of course the Sound Tigers are here, but if it means getting all the shit that I'm going through now, I'll pass.
here are lyrics to the song of the moment
Rain - Breaking Benjamin---
TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH IT'LL BE THE LAST NOT A DOLLAR OR A CROWD
COULD EVER KEEP ME HERE I DON'T HAVE A PAST I JUST HAVE A CHANCE
NOT A FAMILY OR HONEST PLEA REMAINS TO SAY RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY ALL THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR THE SUN
IS IT YOU I WANT OR JUST THE NOTION OF A HEART TO WRAP
AROUND SO I CAN FIND MY WAY AROUND SAFE TO SAY FROM
HERE YOUR GETTING CLOSER NOW WE ARE NEVER SAD CAUSE WE
ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE RAIN RAIN GO AWAY TO LIE HERE UNDER YOU
IS ALL THAT I COULD EVER DO TO LIE HERE UNDER YOU IS ALL
emo aint it?