karma
Well shit...... I guess I am in a bad mood right now... You see I had a DDR party at my house only wierd thing is the two people that I care most about were both there... I don't know much about what went on except for the fact that I was spacing out trying not to think... The thing that pissed me off about the night was when one of them was leaving she percieded to give my brother a hug and everyone else that was there and didn't even give me a fucking hug... I was pissed... Well I still am...
The thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that I care that much for both of them, and none knows... Well one of them does cause we have talked about it and resolved whatever was going on... Nothing is and I don't think it will at all... I at least felt good talking to her and figuring out wtf was going on... Well, The other one doesn't even know about 1/100th of what I feel for her... I don't know how to talk to her and I don't like it at all... I want to at least know with her if there even is a fucking chance... Shit... I know she knows that I like her a lot but cummon... Give my brother a hug and everyone else but me... What The Fuck is that... I don't know anymore... Well, I have never know to begin with... I now at this moment want to drink myself to a state of mind that I have never been in... The last time that this person was at my house I was drinking... It was after we went to see a movie... I was winding down and apparently got very drunk... I guess that I told her that I would not drink anymore that night... I was told that I promised her... Only thing is I didn't realize this untill a couple of days later when I was telling her about how I went to the bar and didn't remember how I got home... She has no fucking clue how much it hurt me to know that I broke a promise to her... I ask myself what in the fuck did I do to fucking deserve the torment that I am going through... I don't know... I am trying to be a good person, trying to stay steadfast with my morals, but right now I am having trouble... If I am a good person than good should come to me right?... Well I am not getting the good for being good it seems... I fucking hate it... What the fuck did I do to karma?...
I just want to be happy... Is that too much to ask?... Did I do something wrong?... Will I ever be happy?...
The thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that I care that much for both of them, and none knows... Well one of them does cause we have talked about it and resolved whatever was going on... Nothing is and I don't think it will at all... I at least felt good talking to her and figuring out wtf was going on... Well, The other one doesn't even know about 1/100th of what I feel for her... I don't know how to talk to her and I don't like it at all... I want to at least know with her if there even is a fucking chance... Shit... I know she knows that I like her a lot but cummon... Give my brother a hug and everyone else but me... What The Fuck is that... I don't know anymore... Well, I have never know to begin with... I now at this moment want to drink myself to a state of mind that I have never been in... The last time that this person was at my house I was drinking... It was after we went to see a movie... I was winding down and apparently got very drunk... I guess that I told her that I would not drink anymore that night... I was told that I promised her... Only thing is I didn't realize this untill a couple of days later when I was telling her about how I went to the bar and didn't remember how I got home... She has no fucking clue how much it hurt me to know that I broke a promise to her... I ask myself what in the fuck did I do to fucking deserve the torment that I am going through... I don't know... I am trying to be a good person, trying to stay steadfast with my morals, but right now I am having trouble... If I am a good person than good should come to me right?... Well I am not getting the good for being good it seems... I fucking hate it... What the fuck did I do to karma?...
I just want to be happy... Is that too much to ask?... Did I do something wrong?... Will I ever be happy?...