REPOST Breathe Me
Title: Breathe Me (Standalone)
Author: squoze_so_hard
Pairing: Frank/?
Rating:PG-13
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Frank tips back in his chair for the 36th time. He sighs heavily and folds his hands behind is head. He checks his watch. Again. 2:47. He's been waiting for over an hour.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Original, I know...
Author Notes: It's a standalone and you're going to hate me for how it ends...REPOST (1/20/2007)
Frank tips back in his chair for the 36th time. He sighs heavily and folds his hands behind is head. He checks his watch. Again. 2:47. He's been waiting for over an hour.
'Big fancy place like this, you'd think an appointment would mean something.'
He gets up and paces across the white porcelain tile.
'I should NOT have let Ray talk me into this...'
*Flashback*
"You're going back, Frank." Ray states as he follows Frank to his room.
"Like hell I am, Toro!" Frank plops himself down and covers his ears with his headphones. "That woman doesn't know shit." Ray folds his arms and leans back against the wall facing Frank. Frank can feel Ray's eyes on him and sighs in frustration. "What?"
"Do you want to end up alone?"
"No. Obviously not."
"Then you're going back. Fifty years from now I refuse to hear you bitch and moan about this." Frank thinks about this for a moment before cursing in Italian and running his hands through his hair.
"Fine, I'll go." He grumbles. Ray smirks in victory. "Get out before I throw a pillow at you. And bring me a Pop Tart."
*End Flashback*
Once again, he checks his watch and groans. 2:48.
"Mr. Iero? Dr. Rosenberg will see you now."
"Finally...thanks, Julie."
'Great, I'm on a first name bases with the receptionist. You're such a penis, Frank.'
Frank walks down the long hall, counting all of the certificates that line the wall as he goes, just like he's done before. He reaches the end and slowly opens the heavy oak door. Behind the big desk in the back of the office sits a woman that out-ages Frank by about two decades. She's looking down, frowning at the papers in her hands. Her long red hair cascades over her glasses. The glasses remind him of Mikey. He clears his throat to warn the woman of his presence.
"Frank." She smiles warmly. "Hi."
"Hey..."
"Come in." Frank steps over the threshold and closes the door behind him. "Have a seat." She points to the couch that faces a big mahogany chair. He sits with ones of his ankles resting on the opposite knee. Dr. Rosenberg gathers a file from the big gray cabinet. It's labeled. Iero, Frank----. The last couple letters are shaded out by black marker. Frank made sure she did that at the end of their first session. She finally sits opposite of him, legs crossed and hands neatly folded. She's staring him down.
"So. How've you been." She doesn't say it like it's a question.
"Not bad." He shrugs his shoulders and picks at his nails.
"But not good, either." She summarized. Frank tilts his head in contemplation.
"I guess."
"You guess?"
"Yeah. Sure." Rosenberg sighs. She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. She looks at her watch.
"Mr. Iero. It's been a minute and you've already managed to frustrate me a little."
"Sorry."
"Are you really?"
"No." She sighs again. Twice in one minute.
"Frank, we're going to set up a couple rules. From now on, during our hour, you're not allowed to say 'Sorry', 'I don't know', 'I guess', or my favorite, 'Your mom', understood?"
"I guess." Frank smirks. Dr. Rosenberg closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a deep breath and opens them again. Her face shows irritation.
"What did I just say?"
"Sorry."
She glares at him. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Apologize constantly."
"I don't-" She sends him a look. "I...guess I'm just used to it. I apologized a lot around him." There's silence for a moment as Frank closes up. He doesn't want to share. It wasn't his idea to be here.
"You look different."
"Dyed my hair." Frank points to the new red streaks Mikey and his friend Quinn helped him with last night. Dr. Rosenberg looks at his hair curiously.
"Do you do that a lot?" She tilts her head to the side as she asks.
"Do what?"
"Change your physical appearance."
"Um...yeah, I guess. Every so often. Just to give each show that we get a little something different."
"That's right, you're in a band."
"Nothing big. Yet. Just something that me and the guys started about a year ago."
"Yes, I remember. You and your...rock buddies. Tell me about them."
"They're cool."
"That's it?"
Frank nods once. "That's it."
"I'm going to need a little more than that."
"Okay...Ray's our other guitarist. He's the guy staying with me right now. Mikey's on bass. He's everyone's little brother. Bob's new, don't know him too well yet, but he's pretty chill. Then there's him."
"And by him you mean? You've said 'Him' twice today."
"You know who I mean." He stares at her hard.
"We're not going to get anywhere unless you learn to say his name, Frank." She stares right back at his, just as hard. His resolve falls and he looks away and sighs.
"Gerard."
"There. Did that make you feel any better?"
"No."
"And why's that?"
"You know why."
"Tell me again." She challenges.
'If looks could motherfucking kill...'
"I don't like saying his name."
"Right." She sits back in her chair with a look of self-victory. Frank glares at her in frustration.
"What was the fucking point of that?"
"I was proving a point."
"Well, what's your point." She looks at him condescendingly.
"I was showing you what kind of power he has over you, Frank, the hold he still has."
"I already knew all that. He's always had a hold on me. Always fucking will."
"Yes. He will. With an attitude like that, I can't help you. You have to move. On. You have to build another life, start planning your future. You're only 23 years old, you don't understand what you're doing to yourself, you-"
"No, you don't understand. I never thought I would have to plan a life after him, I DIDN'T plan a life after him. He was it. I never though I'd have to live without him and now I don't know how."
Dr. Rosenberg sits in stunned silence as Frank continues.
"You want to share, we'll share. Do you know what it's like to feel like life has stopped because your only purpose was to be with him? To know that you were everything to someone and now you're nothing?" Frank yells.
The woman's face looks saddened, almost as if to say 'No, I don't know...'.
"It's not okay to be like this. I feel like I'm nothing. I'm never hungry, I don't feel tired, none of that. I haven't slept in two weeks! It's not okay to fucking live like this!" Frank stands up and storms to the door.
"Frank, wait!" Dr. Rosenberg warns.
"No, fuck you, I'm through. I'm tired of fucking waiting."
"Then I slammed the door and walked out." Frank says over a mouth of Cookies 'n' Creme ice cream.
"Just like that?" Mikey asks, taking the carton of ice cream away from Frank.
"Mm Hmm."
"Well, I'm proud of you, Frankie." Quinn says stealing Mikey's spoon.
"Hey!" Quinn giggles and puts the cold spoon on Mikey's neck. The cold steel makes the boy squeal and move away.
"Thanks." Frank smiles.
"Wait, let me finish. I'm proud of you...but Ray's gonna be pissed."
"Psh...I don't care. Ray's not my mom." Frank gets up and puts the spoons on the sink. He throws away the empty ice cream carton and grabs three grape sodas.
'There's nothing harder in this house thanks to-'
Keys jingling in the front door catches Frank's attention.
"Hey, Ray." Mikey says from the living room.
"Ray Ray!" Quinn squeals. He jumps over the back of the couch. His foot catches and he trips, but he scrambles up and grabs Ray for a hug anyway.
"Smooth." Mikey rolls his eyes.
"Hey Ray, there's something on your shirt." Frank grins.
"Get the fuck off me, Quinn, jeez- HEY! Keep your fucking hands away from there!" Quinn giggles and moves away. Ray shakes off his feelings of violation and turns to Frank. "So, how'd it go?"
"Oh, you know..."
"Frank went all Diva Drama Mama and threw a bitch fit."
"Mikey!" Frank screeches. The bassist shrugs innocently.
Ray looks at Frank in disappointment.
"I did not!"
He raises an eye brow.
"Okay, I did, but she went to fucking far."
Ray sighs. "Frank, man. You gotta do something about this. You can't just sit in your room all day."
"I could it you'd let me." Frank mumbles.
"Look, just tell me what's going on. Do you still love Gee?"
"Ho lotti di amore per Gerard, va bene? I just...can't deal with him right now. Give me a day or two and we'll talk."
"I'm holding you to that, Iero." Ray smirks.
"FRANKIE, HELP!" Mikey's call comes from the living room. Frank and Ray run to the rescue to find Quinn and Mikey in a heap on the floor, the latter on the bottom being licked on the cheek relentlessly. Ray rolls his eyes and walks away.
'They'll never learn...'
"Quinn, get off, you don't know where he's been." Frank chuckles.
"I've been with your mom, Iero, now help!"
"Hey, Frank, you got a message." Ray calls. The familiar beep of the answering machine sounds, followed by a voice. Mikey and Quinn Freeze and Frank's blood runs cold as he hears:
"Hey, Frank. It's Gerard."
Author: squoze_so_hard
Pairing: Frank/?
Rating:PG-13
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Frank tips back in his chair for the 36th time. He sighs heavily and folds his hands behind is head. He checks his watch. Again. 2:47. He's been waiting for over an hour.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Original, I know...
Author Notes: It's a standalone and you're going to hate me for how it ends...REPOST (1/20/2007)
Frank tips back in his chair for the 36th time. He sighs heavily and folds his hands behind is head. He checks his watch. Again. 2:47. He's been waiting for over an hour.
'Big fancy place like this, you'd think an appointment would mean something.'
He gets up and paces across the white porcelain tile.
'I should NOT have let Ray talk me into this...'
*Flashback*
"You're going back, Frank." Ray states as he follows Frank to his room.
"Like hell I am, Toro!" Frank plops himself down and covers his ears with his headphones. "That woman doesn't know shit." Ray folds his arms and leans back against the wall facing Frank. Frank can feel Ray's eyes on him and sighs in frustration. "What?"
"Do you want to end up alone?"
"No. Obviously not."
"Then you're going back. Fifty years from now I refuse to hear you bitch and moan about this." Frank thinks about this for a moment before cursing in Italian and running his hands through his hair.
"Fine, I'll go." He grumbles. Ray smirks in victory. "Get out before I throw a pillow at you. And bring me a Pop Tart."
*End Flashback*
Once again, he checks his watch and groans. 2:48.
"Mr. Iero? Dr. Rosenberg will see you now."
"Finally...thanks, Julie."
'Great, I'm on a first name bases with the receptionist. You're such a penis, Frank.'
Frank walks down the long hall, counting all of the certificates that line the wall as he goes, just like he's done before. He reaches the end and slowly opens the heavy oak door. Behind the big desk in the back of the office sits a woman that out-ages Frank by about two decades. She's looking down, frowning at the papers in her hands. Her long red hair cascades over her glasses. The glasses remind him of Mikey. He clears his throat to warn the woman of his presence.
"Frank." She smiles warmly. "Hi."
"Hey..."
"Come in." Frank steps over the threshold and closes the door behind him. "Have a seat." She points to the couch that faces a big mahogany chair. He sits with ones of his ankles resting on the opposite knee. Dr. Rosenberg gathers a file from the big gray cabinet. It's labeled. Iero, Frank----. The last couple letters are shaded out by black marker. Frank made sure she did that at the end of their first session. She finally sits opposite of him, legs crossed and hands neatly folded. She's staring him down.
"So. How've you been." She doesn't say it like it's a question.
"Not bad." He shrugs his shoulders and picks at his nails.
"But not good, either." She summarized. Frank tilts his head in contemplation.
"I guess."
"You guess?"
"Yeah. Sure." Rosenberg sighs. She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. She looks at her watch.
"Mr. Iero. It's been a minute and you've already managed to frustrate me a little."
"Sorry."
"Are you really?"
"No." She sighs again. Twice in one minute.
"Frank, we're going to set up a couple rules. From now on, during our hour, you're not allowed to say 'Sorry', 'I don't know', 'I guess', or my favorite, 'Your mom', understood?"
"I guess." Frank smirks. Dr. Rosenberg closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a deep breath and opens them again. Her face shows irritation.
"What did I just say?"
"Sorry."
She glares at him. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Apologize constantly."
"I don't-" She sends him a look. "I...guess I'm just used to it. I apologized a lot around him." There's silence for a moment as Frank closes up. He doesn't want to share. It wasn't his idea to be here.
"You look different."
"Dyed my hair." Frank points to the new red streaks Mikey and his friend Quinn helped him with last night. Dr. Rosenberg looks at his hair curiously.
"Do you do that a lot?" She tilts her head to the side as she asks.
"Do what?"
"Change your physical appearance."
"Um...yeah, I guess. Every so often. Just to give each show that we get a little something different."
"That's right, you're in a band."
"Nothing big. Yet. Just something that me and the guys started about a year ago."
"Yes, I remember. You and your...rock buddies. Tell me about them."
"They're cool."
"That's it?"
Frank nods once. "That's it."
"I'm going to need a little more than that."
"Okay...Ray's our other guitarist. He's the guy staying with me right now. Mikey's on bass. He's everyone's little brother. Bob's new, don't know him too well yet, but he's pretty chill. Then there's him."
"And by him you mean? You've said 'Him' twice today."
"You know who I mean." He stares at her hard.
"We're not going to get anywhere unless you learn to say his name, Frank." She stares right back at his, just as hard. His resolve falls and he looks away and sighs.
"Gerard."
"There. Did that make you feel any better?"
"No."
"And why's that?"
"You know why."
"Tell me again." She challenges.
'If looks could motherfucking kill...'
"I don't like saying his name."
"Right." She sits back in her chair with a look of self-victory. Frank glares at her in frustration.
"What was the fucking point of that?"
"I was proving a point."
"Well, what's your point." She looks at him condescendingly.
"I was showing you what kind of power he has over you, Frank, the hold he still has."
"I already knew all that. He's always had a hold on me. Always fucking will."
"Yes. He will. With an attitude like that, I can't help you. You have to move. On. You have to build another life, start planning your future. You're only 23 years old, you don't understand what you're doing to yourself, you-"
"No, you don't understand. I never thought I would have to plan a life after him, I DIDN'T plan a life after him. He was it. I never though I'd have to live without him and now I don't know how."
Dr. Rosenberg sits in stunned silence as Frank continues.
"You want to share, we'll share. Do you know what it's like to feel like life has stopped because your only purpose was to be with him? To know that you were everything to someone and now you're nothing?" Frank yells.
The woman's face looks saddened, almost as if to say 'No, I don't know...'.
"It's not okay to be like this. I feel like I'm nothing. I'm never hungry, I don't feel tired, none of that. I haven't slept in two weeks! It's not okay to fucking live like this!" Frank stands up and storms to the door.
"Frank, wait!" Dr. Rosenberg warns.
"No, fuck you, I'm through. I'm tired of fucking waiting."
"Then I slammed the door and walked out." Frank says over a mouth of Cookies 'n' Creme ice cream.
"Just like that?" Mikey asks, taking the carton of ice cream away from Frank.
"Mm Hmm."
"Well, I'm proud of you, Frankie." Quinn says stealing Mikey's spoon.
"Hey!" Quinn giggles and puts the cold spoon on Mikey's neck. The cold steel makes the boy squeal and move away.
"Thanks." Frank smiles.
"Wait, let me finish. I'm proud of you...but Ray's gonna be pissed."
"Psh...I don't care. Ray's not my mom." Frank gets up and puts the spoons on the sink. He throws away the empty ice cream carton and grabs three grape sodas.
'There's nothing harder in this house thanks to-'
Keys jingling in the front door catches Frank's attention.
"Hey, Ray." Mikey says from the living room.
"Ray Ray!" Quinn squeals. He jumps over the back of the couch. His foot catches and he trips, but he scrambles up and grabs Ray for a hug anyway.
"Smooth." Mikey rolls his eyes.
"Hey Ray, there's something on your shirt." Frank grins.
"Get the fuck off me, Quinn, jeez- HEY! Keep your fucking hands away from there!" Quinn giggles and moves away. Ray shakes off his feelings of violation and turns to Frank. "So, how'd it go?"
"Oh, you know..."
"Frank went all Diva Drama Mama and threw a bitch fit."
"Mikey!" Frank screeches. The bassist shrugs innocently.
Ray looks at Frank in disappointment.
"I did not!"
He raises an eye brow.
"Okay, I did, but she went to fucking far."
Ray sighs. "Frank, man. You gotta do something about this. You can't just sit in your room all day."
"I could it you'd let me." Frank mumbles.
"Look, just tell me what's going on. Do you still love Gee?"
"Ho lotti di amore per Gerard, va bene? I just...can't deal with him right now. Give me a day or two and we'll talk."
"I'm holding you to that, Iero." Ray smirks.
"FRANKIE, HELP!" Mikey's call comes from the living room. Frank and Ray run to the rescue to find Quinn and Mikey in a heap on the floor, the latter on the bottom being licked on the cheek relentlessly. Ray rolls his eyes and walks away.
'They'll never learn...'
"Quinn, get off, you don't know where he's been." Frank chuckles.
"I've been with your mom, Iero, now help!"
"Hey, Frank, you got a message." Ray calls. The familiar beep of the answering machine sounds, followed by a voice. Mikey and Quinn Freeze and Frank's blood runs cold as he hears:
"Hey, Frank. It's Gerard."